A Day Tour
February 24, 2023
The more we earn money, the more we are attached to it. We think that it is all that matters when we are alive, when we are poor we want to be rich and when we become rich, we have to be more prosperous. This is sad really, we can observe it day by day. Many people believe that money will bring happiness, sometimes it will but not all the time. Sometimes the cheapest thing that you buy brings joy.
In the past months, I have been working and all I do is save my earnings. My routine becomes, to work, get the check, buy groceries, eat, and sleep. But as months passed by it became exhausting, I feel slowly tired and my eagerness to work become too faint. But I keep working and do my best at work.
Last week we decided to go on a road trip and explore near the beach. At first at hesitant because it might cost me more than I can afford and I can lose my money. but at the end of the day, I am surprised by the result. It was all worth it and I am very happy. I find time to relax and recharge, and now I am back on track.
Trip to the Beach
It was Saturday night and I have 14 hours of duty at my work, there are a lot of things to be done. Sometimes there is time for us to sleep in our work when there is nothing to do or when all the things to be accomplished in done early at night. But this time, there are still a lot of things to do, so I just slept only 2 hours after my shift. When I got home, my neighbors invited me to go on a day tour of the beach 60 kilometers away from our house. I got a two days day off after my night shift so I decided to join them.
Before afternoon we departed from our house, it was sunny that day so it is the best time to ride a motorcycle. As we are riding, the view was so beautiful, there were a lot of mountains and trees near the road, It is very relaxing and fresh for the eyes. We take some pictures along the way. Half way the ride we decided to stop at a local restaurant and eat our lunch there. We ordered different meals so we can taste different foods on their menu. The food was great and not so expensive.
After we eat we decided to rest. There is even one cyclist in the area so we watch the race. It is very fun, almost all the cyclists are very strong and consistent along their way. We did not finish the event because it just started when we arrived and the coordinator said that the race will be finished at night, so we decided to continue riding to the beach.
At the time we reach the beach, it is very sunny and windy at the same time. the waves are just fine and the water is very clear. At the first glance, I know that I will enjoy this day because the beach is so clean and the resident near the beach is so cheerful. The water at the sea is very calm and clear, we can see the sand at the bottom.
As we are walking around a local asks us if we want a day tour, we are hesitant at first because it may cost a lot. So we ask her how much it will cost and she said it will only cost 2500 PHP. It is not that expensive so we ask what we are going to do on the day tour. She said that we will ride the boat, island hopping, clift diving, fish feeding and lastly we will explore the sand bar. So we agree and decided to avail of the day tour.
The first destination was clift diving. I was scared at first to go into the water because it was very deep and I can't see the bottom. But there was a life vest so they said that it will be safe. I wear the lift vest and jump in the water. It was very cold and refreshing, it was fun. I climb the clift and was scared again to jump. But I decide to jump. It was very fun and it was a new experience for me. I jumped, four to fives time before we go to our next destination.
Madness
December 17, 2022
We can go deeper and deeper into the history of humans and there is something familiar. From ancient civilizations until now, we have used force to gain power. We ignore different signs to pursue the things that we want to accomplish. We ignore the advice to become the person that we truly want. I think that is the positive and at the same time negative part of being a human. We are so eager to be something or make a name for ourselves that we ignore everything.
Just like the fate of humanity, we are running in circles and we don't know when to stop
I think it is proven from the beginning until now. in our everyday life, we do things, sometimes we know what's going to happen but we proceed anyway. The point is, that we don't make different adjustments in order to avoid things happening again, so we end up in the ground again.
People are sometimes predictable and fragile, people just need a single thing to hit them and they will shatter to the ground completely.
I don't know why I come up with it...
People with depression, anxiety, etc. feel invincible sometimes, we think that we won the battle and we are ready to be clean or free. But in a single moment when the demon is knocking on our doors again, what are going to do?
let them in? fight for our lives and shut the door? run?...
But in the most ending we end up losing the battle, and we will find ourselves rebuilding from the ground again. why is that?
Don't look to me for answers, because I don't have one...
I think there is one thing that we are doing that triggers us to feel the same again. We are unconscious that we are doing it but it is the reason that our depression is being triggered. If we make action to find that culprit I think we can make a plan to win every time or to prevent it to come.
But still, I don't really know the answer...
Everything Need Sacrifice
November 25, 2022
We Always dream of something we want, something that will make us happy. We think about our dream job, dream home, and dream family. But when we try to make it happen we get tired and bored, and sometimes we lose hope. We lose our fire or motivation to do something that will make our life go forward or improve.
Based on my experience it is prevalent. Before I start doing something that I want, I will think that it is easy and everything will go to plan, I will just put some time and effort into it and everything will go smoothly. But as time passed by it will be more challenging and we become easily exhausted and drop like flies on the way.
Once our hope and energy are depleted we will just rest and browse on our phones, looking for something that will keep us going or something that will inspire us to move and push forward in our dreams. Sometimes it will end up great, we find something that will motivate us, but most of the time it is just a waste of time. We will see many people in the location we want, people that manage to become successful in the field that we are trying to be successful in. In the end, we will just watch them and we will be stuck in a location that we don't want. So what is the point of starting when we can't finish it?
They said, in life, there are two things we can to do be better at what we wanted to be. we can succeed or die trying. That are the two main differences between the people that make it or the people that succeed and the people that fail.
The People that Succeed
Those people that succeed never quit. Of course, they fail sometimes, they fall and lose hope, but they never stop trying until they perfect it. They put a lot of time, effort, and mind into their craft and never stop until it becomes normal or easy for them. They sacrifice everything they had and push through their goals like a hungry lion chasing its prey.
In addition, they surround themselves with people that have the same goal. They help each other, giving tips and guides so that many people in their group can benefit from one mistake. You don't what to be surrounded by people with no goal in life, it will be hard for you to move on if there is something that is holding you.
People that don't Succeed
Many people don't succeed in their dreams. Sometimes it's not just because they stopped or quit. Sometimes many people don't know where to go, some people are lucky because they know what they want or what is their calling in life. Many people are just lost and can't move.
But there are people that just quit. I know it because I often quit on many things. But it's not just I am tired or hopeless so I just quit. I sacrifice many things to pursue fields that I think many will benefit from it, I quit one thing for another.
At the end of the day, the most important part is we are still alive, as long as we are breathing there is hope. We can change and we can push through on whatever we want. We can be everything we want until we are alive and we are trying. Sometimes we just need a short or long rest from something so we can charge up and once we are ready we can work and push through again.
It is not easy to accomplish something, sometimes we need to sacrifice everything or more than what we have in order to be on the spot we wanted. But take your time, and make your own phase, life is not a race, we have our own time and our own battle.
Every day will not be always dark, just be yourself and wait for your turn, everything will be alright one day.
All images are from Unsplash.com
2 Weeks long
November 5, 2022, Saturday
There are many things that happen in the span of two weeks. Full of up and downs and some circling around. The weather has finally changed fast, last week there is a typhoon that came into the country, and after the storm, there are many people that are affected, many houses are destroyed, and many people died. I hope the affected part of the country will recover fast.
For the last two weeks, I've been locked up inside my room. The exam week is coming and I have many subjects. I have 6 exams this coming week, one every day. I think I planned my studying time right and I think it will be effective.
I am studying for the last 2 weeks and it's going great, it is going a little bit slow but at least it is going somewhere. I have missed many occasions with my family and friends, but I think it's okay at the end of the day I am doing this for all of us.
Sacrifices
In life, I think we need to make some sacrifices in order to move forward and not backward. There are some stages in life when we must leave something and give more time to what we are doing, especially when we are doing what we really love. In my case, I don't really love what I am doing but I think many people will benefit from this career.
I have sacrificed many of my dreams in order to move in this particular field, Is it worth it? we will find out as time progresses.
The reward
As I said, I am locked inside my room for the last 2 weeks so we decided to go on a road trip with my friends. It is worth it!
Saturday Morning
I woke up late so we have lunch in the not-so-near local restaurant here in our area, in this time we don't have any plans yet we just and eat and go home. I am supposed to study again for the whole day but as we arrived at our home, I have an idea to go on a short hiking trip. I asked them if they want to go for a trip, at first we are all hesitant to go but we took the risk and just go.
We hop on our motorcycle and go...
The place we go to is called "Buhay Forest" it is located in Magallanes Cavite in the Philippines. Many tourists go here to commune with nature, have fun, and exercise. Buhay forest is lush greenery and forest, it is 10 hectares of pure nature.
The drive going to Buhay forest is calming, there is no city near so there are few cars and pollution in the area. We enjoyed the chill ride and stop sometimes to take some pictures of the different views that we can see near the road.
Saturday Afternoon
The plan has changed, we are at the parking near buhay forest and one of my friends said there is a much greater view of a bridge nearby. We go to the bridge and yes, it is so beautiful. We try to hike down to the river but it was so stiff and a new plan has formed.
We decided to look for another river that we can swim, the problem is that is the last bridge that will see. So we continue driving until we reach the sea. It is one hour drive away from our location but it will be worth it.
We need to drive inside the mountain area to reach the other side where the sea is located. The view is so beautiful and we stop a little bit to look at the very beautiful parts of the mountain.
Before dark, we reach the other side of the mountain and we hire a tour guide to lead us on the way.
So we are in the sea, and the water is so clear and not so cold. The area we go to is a bit rocky so we need to take extra precautions to swim.
It is a lot of adventure for one day and it makes my head clear, I am ready t study again for the following days. Sometimes we need to take rest for us to breathe and relax for a day so we regain our energy to be prepared to conquer again. It is not easy to study for a long time without rest and time to clear our minds. Sometimes we get so busy that we become lost in what we are doing, we become so bored and ask ourselves if it will be all worth it in the end.
There is a large chance that in the end, it is all worth it. All the sacrifices and all the pain will be worth it when we reach the end of the dark tunnel. But there is one question that is always circling around my head.
" Once it is all over, all the things we work hard for, all the time we put through our work, all the effort to master our craft. What's next? is there another level? is there peace in the end?"
It is depressing to think about, but....
Buying and Selling NFT?
NFT
I wrote about the background and the history of NFT or Non-fungible tokens in my previous article. I have learned who created the first NFT, the first coin that NFT used, the famous NFT out there, and the cryptocurrencies that NFT is using nowadays. The link is provided below if you want to read the whole article.
https://read.cash/@MWSA/the-rise-of-nfts-c2c79079
But it is enough to have some background and history about NFT? Is it the only point why you read about NFT?
For sure you read something about NFT because want to own one or you are looking to invest in something. In our seeking of knowledge, we are looking for something that will truly help us to advance in our goal. Once we learned the 1st step we can go to the 2nd phase of our journey, in our case we now know about the history of NFT now we can go to the second phase.
The 2nd phase is looking for the right and trusted marketplace to sell, buy and create your first NFT. There is a good marketplace out there according to google, some of those are the first oldest, some are the latest, and some become famous become of certain NFTs that sell well or have a high value.
What are NFT Marketplaces
There are many NFT marketplace when you search on google. The marketplace is a digital platform for buying and selling NFT, it will allow you to purchase, sell, create and store your NFT collection. Marketplaces are linked with wallets where you can store your money based on what cryptocurrency you are using. Based on the wallet you use, you can transfer your NFT from your one wallet to your alternative wallet, or you can gift it to your friend or exchange it with another NFT
Many of the marketplaces focus on a certain NFT that other is not. Some are very beginner-friendly and others are complicated.
Here are some of the best NFT Marketplaces
1. Open sea
Launched in 2017, ancient by NFT standards and it is also among the largest NFT marketplaces that are active today. It hosts different kinds of NFTs, like music, art, photography, trading cards, and the virtual worlds. It is free to sign up and browse different assets available in the market and in other people's collections.
It uses different cryptocurrencies, including Ethereum, Solana, USDC, and Cardano.
It is a very user-friendly site, and there is a page on the site that is dedicated to the information you need, including, how to start your account, and how to set up your wallet.
For the cost Open sea charges a fee equal to 2.5% of every transaction, and in addition, you must also pay the gas fee for completing the NFT transaction with Ethereum.
2. Rarible
In a marketplace using Ethereum, Flow, and Tezos as the cryptocurrency, the user can buy different items like collectibles, video game assets, and NFTs. Like the Open sea marketplace, Rarible also charges the user a 2.5% fee on every transaction plus any gad fees.
In addition, Rarible makes its own toke called RARI, and the holder of RARI can vote for the company's next decision like the changes in the company policy.
In 2021, Rarible announce its official partnership with Adobe to ensure the protection of the metadata for the digital contents.
3. Binance
This is one of the largest cryptocurrency exchanges that was added NFT marketplace in 2021. Binance offers the typical assets that other marketplace also offers, including art, gaming items, and collectibles.
The major difference between the Binance and other competitor is that the Binance only deduct a 1% trading fee.
References
https://www.forbes.com/advisor/investing/cryptocurrency/best-nft-marketplaces/
https://www.fool.com/the-ascent/cryptocurrency/nft-marketplaces/
All Images are from https://unsplash.com/
The Rise of NFTs
What are NFT or Non-Fungible Tokens? and what is the difference between Cryptocurrencies and NFT?
Non-fungible tokens or NFTs are cryptographic assets in a blockchain with different codes and metadata that distinguish one NFT from the other. That is the main difference between cryptocurrencies and NFT, cryptocurrencies was identical to each other, so they can serve as a medium for commercial transactions. While NFT cannot be traded or exchanged at equivalency.
Let us relate it to our physical money to make the explanation simple. Our physical and cryptocurrency money is an example of fungible things, meaning they can be traded or exchanged with one another. For example, one bitcoin is equivalent to one bitcoin which we can trade and exchange or one dollar is equivalent to one dollar. And we can trade this bitcoin or one dollar for other units, For example, 1 USD = 53.01 PHP, and 1 bitcoin = 17.04 Ethereum or vice versa.
NFT change the paradigm by making each token different and irreplaceable, making it impossible for one NFT to be equivalent to another NFT. In addition, NFTs are extensible meaning one NFT can be bred to another NFT to make the third NFT which is still different and irreplaceable. NFT have ownership detail for identification and transfer between the owners.
NFT History
2012-2016
In 2012, Meni Rosenfield released a paper that introduce a new coin in the bitcoin blockchain, it is called the "Colored Coins". Colored coins are sometimes called metacoins, this began as an improvised creation of miners. This is the driving force of NFT long before Ethereum. Ethereum was made in 2015 and blow up in January of 2018.
On May 3, 2014, an artist named Kevin McCoy minted the first-known NFT, it is called the quantum in the Namecoin blockchain. Quantum is sold for $1.47m in June 2021. This event makes a significant amount of experimentation and development, in this time Ethereum make its initial reign over the NFTs.
2017-2020
Token standards enter and support the shift of NFT to Ethereum, this allows the creation of tokens. John Watkinson and Matt Hall follow the success by creating their company called Rare Pepes, they make a series of NFT in the Ethereum blockchain called the Cryptopunks.
At this same time earning games like Cryptokitties, a virtual game based on the Ethereum blockchain, this game enables the player to adopt, breed, and trade virtual cats and stored them in a virtual pocket. This is followed by other games like Axie Infinity (AXS).
2021
They said it is the year of the NFT, in this year there is a large surge in NFT supply and demands. This is influenced by many things like the creation of other famous NFTs like the Board Ape yacht Club, the emergence of the different marketplace for NFTs like Open sea, sadmilk, and supperrare, and other gig blockchains start getting involved with their own version of NFTs like Solano and Cardano. In addition, at the end of the year, Facebook rebranded as Meta and moved into the metaverse.
References
https://www.investopedia.com/non-fungible-tokens-nft-5115211
https://www.zenofineart.com/blogs/news/the-beginning-of-nfts-a-brief-history-of-nft-art
All of the images are from https://unsplash.com/
There are Things we can't Control
*Good things come for those who wait-* Line from Adventure Time
June 5, 2022
We can say that most of our life and our time circles around one thing. We, humans, focus on one thing, it just differs from person to person. It does not matter if we focus on our passion, career, family, money, or friends. The important thing is that we are moving forward and not backward, it is okay to look back at different occasions in our life.
When we are sad or under heavy pressure, we can look back and focus on memories that have a positive impact on our life. Memories that will light up our day and make us feel better. Sometimes we look back just to live in our memory and come back to reality and hope that it will happen again.
We wake up hoping to taste it again, which will never happen because it is in the past, our life is designed to keep moving forward. Fast or slow the important part is that we continue our life. There are times that we become so tired of everything and choose to stop and take a rest.
Before we take a rest we will say that we are so tired of doing things over and over again, tired of doing things that we don't want to do. But when are take our rest and take a deep breath, we can go back on track and ready to move on again. Until we become tired and take a rest again, and until our goal is reached. And in the end, I hope that we give a hand to those that are struggling to climb the endless ladder. I think these simple good deeds that we do will later become a cycle and it will make the world a better place for all of us.
In the journey of our life when we focus on something, there are doors that still open for us, it is up to us to take a look at what's inside. We can try to walk inside it and experience it ourselves what it's like to live there, and there an option to leave when we want to. It is up to us.
As I said in my introduction, we humans focus on different things as we move forward. That is the good thing about humans, we can prosper on one thing if we put a lot of effort in. Along the way when we are chasing our dreams or the thing we focus on so much, we can meet different people and problems.
People that will help us, guide us, and people that will try to stop us or slow us. it is up to us how we handle those situations. Some of us become discouraged when we meet people that did not support their ideas, and there are some who become a challenge and work even harder to prove that they are right.
In terms of problems, it is always there. We can treat it like a normal problem or we can turn the table and make it our advantage. The outcome of almost everything we do, for example, our feelings and emotion are dictated by how we react and act at the moment.
It is always like that...
This We can't Control
But there is the thing we can't control, like simply the weather. When we stress ourselves because we want to change something but we know we can't change it, the result is we lose. We can't control it but we can wait for it to change itself. It is like we can force a flower to bloom during summer when the bloom season of the flower is in December.
We can't change something that is not designed for us to change. It is not simple as that, but you will learn it as the day goes by that you are facing something and you will remember these lines.
All Images are from https://unsplash.com/
May I...
June 3, 2022
The month of May runs quite well, almost all of my plans are going as expected. I am a bit surprised that this month is quiet. This month differs from the other from the start of the year. The majority of the past months are chaotic, full of problems, and full of unexpected events, I was just shocked that this month is quiet.
At the beginning of the month, I choose to move out and find another place to live. I feel that my previous location is not for me. I feel everything moves fast in my previous location, I am surrounded by people with different views, different attitudes, and different ways of living and loving life. I mean difference is not bad as well as moving fast, but I think a am moving so fast this past year and I feel like I need a rest.
The result of my moving out is full of different emotions and problems, but in the end, I am happy with my decision. Moving out is stressful but when you got hold of all that is going on, it will be easy in every step you take. In addition, I found organizing and arranging my old things and new things in the new apartment relaxing and therapeutic. I can spend hours after hours just arranging things, look at them for a while and appreciate what I have done.
The other benefit of my moving out is that my love and energy for writing come back. I write a couple of articles last month, I am happy about them. I read some of the comments that the reader left for me, and it is rewarding when someone put the time to read and comment on the things you like most.
The other thing that I am proud of and is the result of moving into this new apartment is that I found different places and every morning I will make time to walk. It is my new exercise, it is so tiring but so fun and I do this every day since I moved here.
A new place and way of looking at life is fun sometimes, new experiences and ways to keep up in the day. It is uncomfortable in the early days but as long as you are doing it over and over again, it will be easy and you will become comfortable with it. a large portion of life is about change, day by day life is moving and changing in a fast phase and we need to go with it or chase it.
All images are from Unsplash
If I talk about Love, What's the first thing that comes into your mind?
May 30, 2022
There is that feeling that always wants to make me smile, a little taste of it makes my whole daylight. That feeling makes me feel like I can conquer the world and put it in her palm. That feeling that separates me from the others, the feeling that lifts me up when I am at the bottom finding my way up. There is a girl that I admire, only she can tie or wake up my floating mind in the morning. There is that girl that only her presence can slow time.
There is that girl, not too tall but not too short, with straight black hair and brown eyes. But there is a time that her hair becomes curly, it is not a bad thing. When that time arrives, she stands up from everybody, I can see her from afar and still know that it was her.
Enough with the lines of complement and let me tell you a story about how I managed to talk to her...
There is one crazy afternoon in a small coffee shop near the university. I am minding my own business when she passed on the sidewalk outside of the glass windows of the coffee shop. I notice her in an instant but I did not get up from my seat to put any effort into looking at her.
The next day arrives, as always I am reading in the same spot at the same time in the same coffee shop. She passed the same way she passed yesterday and I told to myself *"It's just life or destiny that is playing with time"*. But in the deepest void of my mind, I am thinking that when I see her tomorrow I will follow her and talk to her.
It's the other day, doing the same thing during my free time, I am waiting for her to pass in the front of the coffee shop so I can confront her with all my courage. But she never comes. Feeling so down I go back to the campus and attend my lectures.
At the main entrance of the University, I saw her from afar, looking for something on the ground. I can feel my heart start to pound so hard, for the first time in many years. I can't move an inch, it feels like my muscles froze.
I look into myself to find the courage inside me and pour it all into this moment. I took my first toward her, the second step, and the third step until I got closer to her and she noticed me.
As I am stepping forward my heart is beating like crazy, like a runner in a marathon that runs hundreds of miles and is still far away from the finish line.
she notices me and looks me in the eyes, it is odd but I feel that there is an emotion inside of her that she is holding for so long. I want to open my mouth to start a conversation, but it won't open. My mind thinks faster more the way I want it to be. And finally, I said my first word...
I said hi, and there is a moment of awkward silence after that while we are looking at each other. I feel that the time moves very slowly, just like in the movies or anime during the scene where two lovers will meet under the tree during spring.
A moment passed and she look at me giving me a feeling that she is expecting me. When I sensed that it makes me overthink and anxious, many questions arise.
She talked and say hello while she is still looking for something on the ground. I ask her if may I help her and she said yes...
Images are from Unsplash
We are Comfortably Numb
May 28, 2022
Life is life, it has its way and most of the time we can' argue about it. It's just what it is, it's either we accept it or put our whole effort and power to change it. These are the words that I am constantly saying to myself in times of difficulty.
We are always looking for a solution or a plan to finish something, we focus on the goal, and when everything becomes so hard and we are failing we become frustrated. There are some that pursue the goal and become challenged by the failure, there are some that lose hope and try to find a new meaning in life, and there are some that choose to rest, build a better foundation of the plan and his or her self and try to strike again. These differ in many aspects and it is not easy what every who you are in the three, but as long as we continue to our life and try to move on every time, and learn our lesson, I think we are fine.
In life, we can't always be prepared
There are many times that we think that we are in control, or that everything is going according to plan. But there is one moment that we put our guard down and everything changes and the moment you noticed it, it is already a disaster, everything is in chaos. What do you do when this moment comes to you? Curse? Quit?
We have different ways of acting on different things that are happening in our life. Sometimes we think it too much and end up with nothing, no result no gain just nothing. Sometimes when I am in the middle of chaos and everything feels hopeless, I will just take a deep breath, make a coffee and have a good break. Overthinking things won't help you, it will just worsen the situation. Okay, sometimes it helps, there are some good outcomes that come out from overthinking, like the more you think the more possibilities you can see, and you can think of the different outcomes of the same situation.
But overthinking is a double-sided sword, a bread with too much cholesterol, or whatever you want to call it, you got the idea. you will benefit from it and at the same time, it can destroy or hurt you.
There are some who after they fail, will think of a new plan and try again, a kind of different approach in the same situation, and there are some that try the same problem or the same situation with the same approach, and every time they are trying, they try a new thing or try to perfect the previous move. It is evident in gaming, we try the same stage with the same approach and perfect every move, and then we fail again only to find out that there are a lot of ways to finish the stage.
We only focus on what we first see or what others do to finish that stage, and we become content with that. We are afraid to try the approach that we are comfortable with first and if it is not working try another way to beat it, always think outside the box and try to be calm.
All images are from Unsplash
There is no Emotion Involved
May 20, 2022
The rain has never stopped pouring since this morning, but it is not heavy as the other rain. It is not so dark, I can see part of the sky that is slightly stained with blue. The wind did not blow so hard this day, and because of that, it feels so relaxing. I am hearing the rain slowly hitting the roof of the house, with this feeling and adding a cup of coffee, this is the best morning so far this month.
I can spend all of my days doing what I want, I finish a lot of work and activities that I must pass this week. There are a few that I must do but I can do them tomorrow or on Sunday. So I have plenty of time to spare doing things that I want.
I woke up late this morning, I am greeted by this rainy weather as soon as I get off my bed. I have a habit of looking outside as soon I get up, I do this for a long time. I make myself a cup of coffee and stand in the front of the window appreciating the good weather.
I started reading a new poetry book today, it is written by Atticus. Before I bought this book I read different reviews, some are positive and there are a lot of negative reviews. But when I read it, I think some of the reviews are right, there is some part of the book that is bad and there are some that are good. It all depends on the person who is reading the book, the time that the person read the book, and the location that the person read the book can make a large impact on the meaning of a certain poem.
There is something magical in reading a poetry book or just a single poem. Sometimes it affects you very deeply and you can't stop thinking about it for the whole day or even the whole. And there are times that the same poem does not mean anything to you, you just read it and thought that it is good but there is no feeling or emotion involved.
In the afternoon, I am done with all the things that I want to do and it is still raining. I can't go outside to clean the front of my house and I can't clean my plants. So I spend the rest of my day watching random videos on youtube and finding some reason to get out of bed and start something that will benefit me in the future.
All images are from Unsplash
Part 3: It is so Tiring
May 19, 2022
Days have passed, many works are done, and still, I am not done arranging my stuff that is scattered all over the house. last two days everything should be done but there are a lot of things to do for work and different meetings to attend to, so I spend many of my days in front of the computer reading and cramming everything. But it is fun, I and my teammates at work have good chemistry and it results in more efficient work and very good outcomes. We finish the majority of the paper works in the morning and spend the time in the afternoon researching and rechecking the work that we did in the morning.
Now, the weekend is approaching and there is a small amount of work left for my job I can now finish arranging the house. The kitchen is well organized last day and everything is going smooth there, the only thing left to arrange is the desk that I am using almost all day when I am working.
I build this desk set up almost one year ago, for studying and for working from home. I am very comfortable and confident about what this build turns out. It is very simple and there is a lot of space where I can put much of my stuff, I like the color of the table and the computer run so smoothly. The only problem is that I only have a computer so when I am going out for work or I am getting tired sitting all day, I can't take my computer to other places. So I am thinking of buying a laptop this month, I don't know what to buy yet I think I will do some research on what the new laptop products are on the market right now.
I spend my morning cleaning and setting up my workspace so I am ready for tomorrow's work. Finding the best location to put the lights, the perfect space to put my desk, and looking for the perfect corner to put some of my stuff in is hard. In my job light source and light, an arrangement is very crucial and If it is not done properly it might affect the quality of the outcome of the job, so I put a lot of time into arranging it.
In the afternoon I finished everything in the bedroom/ workspace and proceed to take a rest for the whole day. It is very tiring to move places when at the same time you are working and studying, it is very draining in some moments but I know that I can finish it and everything will run smoothly again.
In life sometimes we are focusing too much on the end goal or on the end result and we forgot to look at what is happening in the middle of the journey. We focus on the finished product and forget how to make that product, that is why it is very important to slow down everything sometimes especially when you are failing or being frustrated at something. Slow down and look around, enjoy the journey and you might learn something from it. That is what I learned all this year, take a rest and slow down sometimes, don't burn yourself on something, have plans, and follow them little by little until you are at the top looking back.
Images are from unsplash.com
Thank you for your time, I hope you enjoyed reading through this series.
if you want to read the 1st and the 2nd part here are the links.
2nd part: https://read.cash/@MWSA/part-2-the-kitchen-6b171dcd
1st part: https://read.cash/@MWSA/part-1-my-last-day-cc0efddb
Part 2: The Kitchen
May 16, 2022
It has been 2 days since I moved here, I unload all my stuff from the car and put it in one area of the house. I take many trips inside the house to figure out where all the stuff should be placed. The house is not too big but not too small as well. The house has enough space for me and my dog, It has one bedroom and a small kitchen, a typical apartment set up here at our place. But this house is different it is far away from the other house and it is so quiet and peaceful.
This morning when I am boiling water for my coffee, I take time to look around the area. It is so peaceful and windy, I saw my neighbors cleaning the front of their houses. This place is very different from the last apartment that I rented, In the previous location where I live, the majority of my neighbors are young just like me, but this time almost all of my neighbors are old.
When I came back to the house, I started cleaning and putting the things in their rightful place but it is still in the box. Before that, I arrange the speakers that I haven't used for a long time because the houses in my previous apartment are too close, now I can use them if I want to because the neighbors are far from this house. I saw the news that My Chemical Romance is back with their new song Foundation of Decay, I listen to it since its release. It is so good that MCR is back and making music again, I thought they will never come back.
I first arrange the things in the kitchen in a manner that there is not a thing that my dog can reach. My dog is already 4 years old and he still loves to chew on everything. I unload the utensil and make myself breakfast while I am still sorting my stuff. It is afternoon and now I am done sorting things in the kitchen part of the house. It took me a lot of time because I have many new utensils that I unbox and clean before putting different beverages and spices into them.
It is tiring to sort stuff but it is satisfying with a bit of calmness, I don't if it is just me but it is so satisfying. Buying new things for the kitchen and arranging them, even if I am just buying cheap stuff and small stuff, I think is a big change in the house, both for aesthetics and function.
I will call it a day for now and rest, I need to work at night so I need some rest to so I have some energy to do my best work every night. tomorrow I will arrange my desk in the bedroom and some of my clothes.
All images are from Unsplash. Next time I will use my own image, I just don't have the time for now to edit and sort it. Thank you :)
This is the part 2 of my moving out story, if you want to read the first part here's the link
https://read.cash/@MWSA/my-last-day-cc0efddb
Thanks for reading and have a nice day :)
Part 1: My Last Day
May 13, 2022
This is the day that, I will move out to the new place that I will rent far from here. I feel so happy but at the same time anxious about my decision. I have many memories from this place, memories that will stay in me forever, memories that taught me many things about life. In this place I learned many things about myself, I saw the things that I really want in my life, in this place I establish the goal in my life, I list the places I want to go to, and in this place, I slowly build my dreams. There is nothing much to say about this place, I am just hoping that I will not forget or leave the thing that I learned in this place.
I finish packing the majority of my stuff yesterday, there are a few things that are left on the table especially my laptop and other work stuff. When I am packing my things I see many old things that bring back old memories. Like the rock that I am picking up in a place that is very memorable for me or a place that I don't want to forget. The piece of stick that I saw in the middle of my room when I am in the middle of my worst depression ever. That stick helps my mind to snap out of my darkest void, and I am very thankful for that stick.
Yesterday before I packed my stuff, I stop by and visit some of my friends. We eat lunch together and we talk about the things that happen in this place when we are young. I remember our first fight when I push him into our classroom when we are in grade 2. The playground that we visit every day at the same time during our afternoon break time. The shade of the trees that we used to rest and climb when we have free time after school. Back then life is so much simple and happy, everyone is contented with what they had and what they are gaining every day unlike now, many people chase different things and achievements every day.
Hours move fast when I am finishing packing my stuff to get going for the day. Once I am done I load all my stuff into the car and look back for the last time in the room that I used, to the mirror in the bathroom that endless stare back at me every morning, to the windows that I can't open every day, and to the walls that contained my self every day.
I drove many hours going to the new place that I rented, I don't have many things to do the following day so I will spend it arranging the new house and unloading all of my stuff.
It is both sad and exciting and anxious to move to a new place. A new place means a new way of life, and new experiences, a new place means that we choose to move on in our lives to pursue more things ahead (I like to think it that way). Moving from one place to the other means that there are certain things that will be left behind, things that will leave a mark on our brain, and things that will just leave, forever. It is sad but exciting, exciting, and anxious.
Cheers for the new chapter of our life cheers to the new things that we learn as we progress in our lives, cheers to those people that are still here fighting for a better tomorrow, and cheers to those people who choose to follow their dreams. Make your life a celebration.
All images are a form Unsplash
Thanks for reading, this is the word that is circling around my head since yesterday. I hope you enjoy it
I am at the Center.
April 10, 2022
Have you noticed how the world is changing in a fast phase? how has our life become so different with a little amount of time? How does our tomorrow become so unstable and scary? Do we need to worry about it or just let it come to us and let it all happen?
I did not write for a long time, it is hard to get back to writing when you do or prioritized different things other than writing. It has been a roller coaster ride for me, I focus on finishing my college course, but it is taking so long. I'm getting a little impatience about all the things that are happening to me and around me. I feel that I am stuck in this cage and I know exactly where the way out but I am so hesitant to do it.
Since I become a college student, I push myself to not think about my dream and all the things that I want to do. I try to push myself to focus on my study because I know that many people including my family will benefit from it. In the first year of college, I just go with the flow and let it all happen. I know it is kind of my fault because when my mother said that I should take this course, I did not talk back about the real course that I want or what my dream was.
At that time I just think that it is for the best, it was the way that everyone will benefit and there is a big chance that I will become rich and help my family. It is true, that when I become a doctor I can be the breadwinner when I become successful. I can indeed give more when I earn a lot of money by being a doctor. But how about me?
Many years passed and nothing has changed, I am still studying this course. I tried many times to write and make music. But every time that there is an opportunity that will benefit my writing and music, I will immediately hesitate. There is a part of my brain saying that when I pursue writing and music there will be a big chance that my life will be unstable and I can't support my family. After a long day of thinking, I will just turn my back on that opportunity and continue to go to school as if nothing happens.
I know that talking about him is nonsense, you can say that I can always go out the door and abandon the ship that I am in. I tried it multiple times but there is always a part of me that is looking back and wants to help my family.
It is always hard to choose between two things that you value the most. But I think in the end, there is a time that you need to choose between those two. One of those two will become an anchor that will drag you down and down until you reach the bottom of the ocean. That one will impede the progress you want to see.
But you can always do everything in the middle without abandoning one of them, I think that is what I am doing right now. I am at the center of everything, trying to do what makes me happy and what will make them happy as well.
2022
It's been a while since I posted and I missed writing here, it's been a busy holiday for me since I am studying and my parents decided to go on a long vacation and leave everything on me, the business, and their pets. My parents and my brothers first had their vacation last December 19, 2021, and come back on the 23 of December. They had a trip to Bicol Philippines, they had a great time and I am happy for them.
My mother is working hard all year and decided to have a gift for herself, I am so happy for her. When they leave she leaves her business to me, My mother has a small business, we are selling a different kind of meat in a market not so far away from our house. We started selling there last 2013 or 2018, I can't remember it clearly. Our business experienced many ups and downs through the years, Especially when lockdowns started. Adding the drop of prices in the cryptocurrencies, which affect me very much because I get some money writing hear and earning some BCH.
When the pandemic started many people lose their jobs and every essential thing we need in an everyday life become more expensive. It becomes harder for many people like me to cope with this fast-moving and expensive life. In our business we experience that there are very few buying meats from us, sometime we will stock half pork meat and it will not be sold for the whole day and we also sell dressed chicken and it will not sell as well. But in the end, we did not lose hope, I am not saying that the business is now stable, it is still not that good but we keep pushing and grind hard every day to make out business run longer and faster.
I hope everything will change this year, I hope that the pandemic ends and everyone can go outside and be free again. I have many plans for this year and plans that I need to finish from last year. I still need to finish the book I am writing and the music something that I need to do, last year is hard for me and I can't focus well because I am staying with my family and I am helping them in the meat business.
I hope this year will change and everything become stable and back to normal. This pandemic affects us so much that we become so distant from each other. We did not see many of our friends and do all the things we used to do like going outside and having lunch with our friends, having a good time playing in a random computer shop, and going to school together. I hope everything will be normal again.
Lets look at this year with pure positivity and joy, we can pass this pandemic by following the protocols, we can end this pandemic and everything will be normal again.
Out in the Mall
It is a great morning, peaceful, and the sun shines not too much but not at the point that the morning becomes too cold for me to get out of bed and have a walk with my dog. This kind of morning is not common wherein the place that I live, the common mornings here is too hot and you can hear many unnecessary noises in the morning, like the chatting neighbors and sounds of different cars and motorcycle.
This morning I woke up early, I immediately fixed my bed and do my morning routine like making myself a cup of coffee, finding something to eat, and feeding different animals at our backyard farm. Those are the different things that I do in the morning. Sometimes I choose to do all of this in the afternoon after I check my emails, messages and after arranging my to-do list. I also feed the animal before night so it is okay for them to eat late the next day, and in addition, they are free-range so they can find food to feed themselves.
After I do all the things I need to do on a normal morning, I proceed to walk my dog in a park near our home. In the morning I and my dog spend more time outside to feel the normal sun before entering our house again for the whole day and sitting in front of my computer while my dog is doing his own thing.
When we arrived home, I started to clean the house and open my computer, and prepare it for the whole day of work. I am currently studying and I also have different kinds of income like here at read.cash. So I am so happy that I have had my computer with me every day since the day that I got it.
In the afternoon, I cooked Some sinigang na Bangus, which is one of the best food here in the Philippines. After that, I go to the mall to buy things that I can add to my desk set up. I am working with my desk set up for almost half a year, it is addictive because all the thing you buy or add to the setup is an investment and you will use it every day when you are working or studying. I buy some new lights, cable organizers, and 1 Naruto action figure.
I arrived at home and immediately arrange my new desk set up, and on the way home I bought a monitor table mount so I can have an extra space below my monitor. This is perfect so I can put all the things I bought below my monitor and it looks very good. Now with my new desk set up I can work more hours at the front of my computer.
All images are from Unsplash
The Whole Year
It is almost the end of the year, it is also one of the happiest parts. This is the time that we look back at the whole year, remember the happiest and saddest part of our year. We are all on different roads and we face different challenges, we see different mornings and different nights. We experience different emotions every day, but what is important is that we are here at the end of the year, meaning that we did not give up on whatever challenges we faced throughout the whole year.
Looking back and remembering every memory that we keep is both happy and sad to do. There is part in our life that we don't want to forget or end, like when our mother gives us something when your son or daughter said his or her first word when you earn your first check, or simple when you buy your own guitar that you wanted for so long.
But there are some memories that you don't want to remember, but as we know, those kinds of memories will always pop inside our head and always tell us the most hated moment in our life.
This year is a roller coaster ride for me, full of ups and downs, obstacles and different problems arise. At the start of the year, our family has face different problems, like when my sister left our home and choose to go and live with her boyfriend, and until now she did not spend another night at this home.
February, I have surgery on my gallbladder, the doctor removed it with the 5 gallstones inside of it. I spend almost a week lying in bed, it was a bit painful but I am happy because my girlfriend come into my apartment and take care of me until I can get up and walk alone. At that moment in my life before my girlfriend take care of me, I feel so alone. I spend a few days alone after the surgery, I can stand up but it was too painful to move, Luckily for me, my friend give me some food so I will not cook until I can stand properly.
In March, I did not remember anything. I think I just spend the whole month inside my apartment studying and drawing. April is one of the sad months of the year, I spend my birthday alone. I invited my family but they did not come. It is very sad for me, birthday is once per year and they did not come even for a small hour of the day.
At the end of April, I decided to visit home and learn that my sister will leave our home and again and will get all of her clothes and will live with her boyfriend full time. My mother and I talked about and decided to let her go, when my sister is living in the house, she always tries to sneak out to get drunk with her friends, which is a scary move since we are in a pandemic and there are old and young people living in the house, so we ley her leave.
At the beginning of May, I finally go home and spend a long time here at our house before I leave again before September begins. In September I I got infected with Covid-19 and self quarantine for almost a month in my apartment near Tagaytay City. Luckily before I got infected, I bought a PC, I spend my quarantine writing hear and I try to draw in digital but I did not like and I did not succeed. Before September ends I decided to go home again and spend the Holidays here.
All images are from Unsplash
A Memory is like a Snow
There is something at Christmas, many people become happy and feel everything is fine and calm. You can see everyone is smiling, buying things that they need or things that they really want. Many people try to save almost for the whole year to buy the thing they want at the end of the month which is Christmas.
Since I was a child when the "Ber" months begin or the months that end with the letters "ber" it means that the year is going to end and the Christmas will come. At the same time when the Ber months begin, the temperature will become cold little by little until December arrives and it will become colder and colder.
I remember when I was a child when September comes I will start to save money to buy things that I want when Christmas arrives, at the same time I will think about what kind of gift I wanted to receive. I think every child believes in Santa and they wish many things for him. As we grow older and our little brain mature we realized that he is not real and it is only our mother or father that is putting the gift we want at the socks. But it is fine until we receive the gift that we want.
As I grow older, the Christmas spirit drifts further away and away from me. It become just another day for me, I still receive gifts from time to time, I am happy receiving things especially those gifts that I really like and need in my life. But at the end of the day, it is all material things and you will realize that it will not affect you until the end.
There is one Christmas, I went home to give a visit to my parents and grandparent. I stayed there for almost 2 weeks and everyone is happy about my return and my vacation there. I bought everyone gifts that I think they like or I think they need. I can remember the things that they want even I barely talk to them for almost a year and sometimes almost half a year.
We all sit in the living room waiting for the exact time that Christmas will arrive, we sit on the floor while holding the gift that we bought for each other. Since I am far away most of the Christmas since I graduated from college, I decided to open my gift first. It is formed by my mother when I open the box there was a letter but I don't have the courage to read it out loud so I choose to keep it from myself once everyone is sleeping. I continue to open the gift and my mother gifted me a blanket to keep me warm during the night, she knows that I lived in the high lands and it is always cold there.
All Images are from Unsplash
On to the Next Year
December 21, 2021
it is almost the end of the year, and this is the best holiday of the year. Everyone is happy, everyone is giving and everyone is smiling because it is the season of giving and thanksgiving. In the whole year, we experience many difficulties and happiness, sometimes it is balanced but may of the time sadness be overwhelming. Especially now that we are at the center of the pandemic with no assurance about when will it end, it is hard to move and go to different places to enjoy our self and our vacation, so there are times that we are getting tired of being locked inside our house and do nothing.
For sure there are times in this year that many of us are on the edge of giving up, or in the middle of letting go of everything or fighting for the sake of what we love or what we want to. sometimes we find our self staring in the void thinking so deep if we still want to continue this year or not, if we want to pursue the things we are working on and if we want to continue what we started.
In the course of this year, many thought comes to our mind, about what is the purpose of our life, what are we doing here, and many other random questions. Even we ask many people or even we pray the whole day no one can answer what is the purpose of our life, many will just say that everything is happening with a reason or the more cliché answer will trust the process.
But If you are reading this, it means that all of the things that happen in a year, including the happy, the sad, all of the regrets, and all the challenges that you face are past it or it is still going in. Whatever it is, I am sure that you can finish it and all of your dreams will come true as long as you don't lose hope and keep pushing on what you are doing and what you love.
I hope this year ends in a calm and peaceful way, no more calamities, war, and other problems in the world, no more issues that will make many people divided and uneasy. I hope everything goes back to normal and the coronavirus ends this year. Because of this pandemic, there are many moments we missed, many places that we don't see, and many memories that did not happen. I hope everything goes back to normal.
Let us end this year happily and face the next year with a smile, I hope everything is fine and peaceful. There are moments in our life that will never go according to our plan, but it is okay, the more we experience places out of our comfort zone the more we become ready the next time we are about to face it. We are more strong when it happens again in the future. I hope everyone is happy and fine. Merry Christmas
All Images are from Unsplash
Holiday hits
December 18, 2021
What a fine day but it is a bit rainy and hazy. I did my morning routine before I go out of the house to walk my dog, I clean my bed, the floor, and the carpet, make a cup of coffee and replace the drinking water of my dog. This is my morning routine since I stay here in our house, there was a time that I did not clean the carpet and the fur of my dog was stuck in it. When my parents arrived, they noticed it pretty quickly because they have allergies to the fur of animals.
Outside is my aunt waiting for me to wake up, when she see me, she ask If I hove something to do when I said there was none, she ask if I want to go to the mall and market to buy some stuff that she will use in the upcoming marriage of her friend. I finish walking my dog outside, and we come back home before we reach the border to the other town. We ride our motorcycles to get around our town. We first go to the market to buy some fabric which my aunt used as cloth on the table. Her business is in table and chair rentals so she needs a lot of cloth to cover her tables when someone is renting them. After the market, we proceed to buy a shirt in the store near buy, it is Christmas so there are a lot of people trying to buy some shirt to be a gift from someone.
We spend almost 2 hours picking which shirt to buy. I bought to shirt which I will give to my girlfriend, I know what she likes about clothes so I don't have a hard time picking which one to buy. This store's prices were cheap but the quality of the items good, they said that this comes from the original company, but then I items there are not good enough to pass the quality check. After we finish buying clothes we proceed to go to the mall and buy some stuff that I need in my desk setup that I am working on for the past months.
This time I decided to buy a desk monitor stand and some light bar that I will put at the back of my monitor, they said that this will prevent eye strain. For the past month I decided to invest in my desk setup, I know that this online school and work from setup will stay for a long time, so I put money to make my space more productive and comfortable to work too.
I spend almost 2,000 pesos this day for gifts and the stuff I buy for my home desk setup. It is a bit expensive but it is all worth it in the end when I am finally done with my desk set up.
After we buy all the this we needed we head home and continue my day by assembling all the new things that I buy from the mall.
All Images are from Unsplash
Unfinished Thought
I still don't know where I am going, it's been 1 year since I stopped going to school. I packed my bag and started to travel to places that I want to go to. I started to follow things and do the things that I loved and make me happy. I become happy when I am in the moment with the people I want to be with, I am happy and not hollow when I am doing all the things that I want, but when it is done, I become nothing again.
I dreamed to be a writer, and I become one, I dreamed to be an artist and I become one. But why I am still empty inside? I feel that all of the things that I have accomplished mean nothing to me and to other people. I just look at my life like it is nothing, empty and nonsense.
There is one time when I and my friends climb a mountain, It feels very great. Before that day, I go to the mall to buy all the things I need for the hike. Since I am not an outdoor person, I have no gear like a camping tent and even a water bottle to bring in the hike. I purchase everything that I need like camping tents, hiking shoes, reusable water bottles, and long sleeves to protect my skin in the long hike. Shopping is always fun for me when I was walking in the mall, I purchase a lot of stuff that I think I need, but when I arrived home I will realize that I don't need the thing that I bought.
On the day of the hiking, it was fun, full of energy, and hope to complete the hike. We started the hike early in the morning, it is cold and a bit hazy, It is fine for me because I lived in cold areas for a long time. In the first hour of the hike it feels fine and happy, we talk about what are the things we are expecting in the hike. Some of my friends expect that we can complete the hike before it gets dark later in the day and some are just enjoying the moment and don't think a lot during the hike.
When we arrived at the first station and it is already afternoon, many of us don't expect that this hike will be this long. We eat lunch while we chat with each other, we talk about how our life is going. In this friend group, many of us go in different ways than normal, we follow what we want despite studying in a university. Some of my friends are in the music industry, some are photographers, some are spending time selling items online and many of us become writers. So from the beginning, I know that this hike will be one of the best and memorable.
We decided to continue the hike, every time we go upward the more beautiful it becomes.
When I was a child, I have a dream to become a forest ranger, I want to protect the animal and the trees in the mountains. Since I was a little child I love animals, especially wild and exotic animals, I believe they deserve more respect because they are the ones who come first on this earth.
But that dream eventually died because I got no any kind of support from my parent and relative. They said that there is no money in that field and I will be forever poor and in the worst-case scenario, I will be homeless when I am old. Since I was a little boy back then, I just give up that dream because at that time I believe that I should follow everything my parents say and I owe my life to them. But now I know that it is not correct and we can choose the life we wanted.
We are at the top of the mountain and we spend the night there. We share some memories, like how we met and become friends, how we started our careers, and how it is going.
Many of start from nothing, I work as a waiter in a restaurant near our town, I used all the money from my job to buy equipment that I need to start my career. I put all of my hope and energy to build my empire, and I think is all going according to plan. I am happy with where I am now, and I can see all of my friends are happy too, I hope it will continue for as long as we want.
At the end of this hike I realized something, in the start of this writing I said that I am kind of lost and I don't know where I want to go, but now, everything is different. I know where I am going and where I will be happy.
All Images Are from Unsplash
I'm Fine with Dying, I'll be first...
As kids, we see the world with different views compared to how we see it now. Back then it is simple, full and hope and happiness but now everything has changed. We see it like everything is normal, we are not surprised by many things even if they will affect our life in negative or positive ways.
As we grow older every time we just see life like it is, nothing special and nothing more. We live and sleep, that's all, and then we will repeat it the next morning. We are falling into our own void, and we do nothing, we know that when we fight back it will change for a day or an hour, but will be the same. Life is a cycle, we are blindly going with it, and we can do nothing about it. We are walking in a circle and we know it, we just don't know what to do or we are just afraid to go against the flow of life. We are afraid because of what?
When I was a kid, they tell me that life will be good and fun, as a child, I will believe that I have no experience back then, I just wake up, play, eat and listen to my parents about things that I need to do. My only worries back then are I am alone, or when I my parents died in an accident, or when we lose all of our money and we need to be homeless.
Back then I am not so open or social, until now I practice the thing I do when I have a child, especially when I have the chance. I choose to stay in my room alone, playing, reading books, drawing, or sometimes writing my own stories. I just don't see myself hanging out with different people, I see it as a waste of time. I want to keep my life private, I don't want people to keep asking questions about life anymore.
When I was in high school, I try to become one of those kids to be happy and try to become social. I hang out with my different classmates but it did not end well, when they knew about the life my family is living, they bullied me and it keep going for many years. When that happen I said to myself that I will not open myself again for other people. I manage to project different parts myself when many people are around and I will be different when I am alone and when I am with the people that I am comfortable with.
I see life become happy and then eventually become sad over and over again. I am constantly praying that it would change for even a day. I am always active and observing when something good is happening because I know that in the following hour or days, something bad will happen and it is not a surprise for me.
I think it is just life, it is just the way it is, but why? I have things questions in my head almost every day. Why our life is like this, I am sure that there are people that experience the same way that I did, and other will be few that will not know this feeling.
It is Heaven for me: Part 1
We all have our own and different definitions of heaven, but with the same idea of hell. Sometimes my heaven will be your hell, full of sin and agony, chaotic and full of demons. But your heaven can be my hell, full of things that I don't want, full of people but in the end, you we are all alone. No matter how different our heaven is, we all look hell the same way, full of suffering from the endless sea of fire with souls that will suffer in many millennia that will come.
Sometimes we can find our heaven in the soul of different people. Like those people that we love, people that make us happy and alive, and those people that will follow you for the rest of your life.
I found that soul I am talking about, I know she truly loves me and she will stay with me forever. She understands me and supports me in the thing that will make me happy. She never leaves my side from the start of my career where I am nothing, until now she is on my side where I have all I want. From the day I am poor she never leaves my side. I am s lucky to have her, I think with her I will be happy forever.
I remember the time that we are building our first house, before we plan to build it we are living in a studio apartment in the city. She was a designer and I was a writer, it is full of ups and downs, that is the part of our life that challenges our faith. That time I am writing a book titled "silence and peace" and she was working with a big company. Everything is going according to plan when she suddenly collapsed and fell to the ground.
I see it happen but I am too far to catch her when she is falling. I rush to my phone and call an ambulance to pick us up, it arrives quickly and we go to the hospital. Everything is fine now but back then she has trauma in her brain and a bit of bleeding. She undergoes 3 months of therapy and medicine until she becomes okay. That time I did not let her work for a long time until she asked if he can work again after a year.
We bought a property far away from the city, it is a small town but it is complete with all the things that we need like groceries, clinics and other essential shops. This town has a stable internet connection, electricity, and water connection. This place is amazing with all the things that we need the there are not a lot of people living here so it is very peaceful.
All Images are from Unsplash
It is Heaven for me: Part 2
We build a small cabin in the small property that we bought. We build it the way we wanted it, not too big and not too small. We plan this for a long time and we are prepared for the thing that could happen. we budget all the expenses and look for the materials that we needed.
Before we start this build we, find a new job which homes base so we can stay here every day, in silence and the way we wanted since the beginning of our relationship. Lucky for us we find a new job quickly and it pays well.
We plan this cabin to be simple but will perform its function, which is to provide shelter for us during the cold nights. We are staying here 24 hours a day so we build to be comfortable with the heater when it gets too cold and AC when it becomes too hot. We build a small dock outside where we can drink hot coffee in the morning.
I am so happy with the way this cabin is built, everything that we wanted for a house is here, we like every part of it starting from the color and the furniture we decided to buy.
After the build is finished we moved here and start our job, I am still a writer and she is still a designer but with the other company and it is home-based. Every day when we wake up, we will make a cup of coffee and sit in the dock in front of our door and enjoy the sunrise.
When the rainy season arrives, we are planting vegetables in our garden that we build together. We plant eggplants, carrots, and another leafy vegetable that is easy to grow.
What a wonderful life we have, we live like all the happy days will never end. I wish this feeling will never end. At this time I am happy will I have, a very nice place to stay, a lovely wife, and our dream jobs. It is easy to work when you like what you are doing, there is part of the journey that is full of hardship, but I know it will pass and the happy days will return.
For our vacation we decided to go to the beach, it is not my favorite place but she wants the experience to sleep and wake up near a beach. We spend almost 4 days there. We ride both a do island hopping and snorkeling, it is very fun but it is time to go.
It can see my heaven in her soul and I think she looks at me the same way, we both lift our life and change everything in the process. I am no longer that alcoholic man I used to be, I choose to change for her and for myself. It is a peaceful life I have now, but I know it will change on a daily basis but I am ready to face that hardship, Because I know I know that she will be by my side until the end of my lifetime.
All images are from Unsplash
The place I will never forget.
It is early in the morning, I am woken up by my father calling my name and saying it is time for breakfast. I heard it clearly when he first call me 4 minutes ago but did not get up because I feel that it is only a dream. I am used to sleeping and waking up alone in my apartment far away from here. I spend almost half of my life living far away from my family to finish my studies and for work. Living here in the province make it hard for the younger generation to find what they want and love to do, due to the limited resource we got here, so many of us choose to study and find a life in other places.
I get out of bed before my father call me for the third time. It is odd to wake up at this house, the last time I spend a night here was last year, I only return here once per year. I eat my breakfast with my mother, father, and my younger sister that still living here. She is the youngest one, I think she doesn't have a plan to leave this place because she is thinking too much about our parents and I am okay with that. With my youngest sister at home, I can rest easy that my parents are in good hands, I just call them like 3 times per week to check if they have money and food.
After we eat, we spend our morning walking around the farm. My father is so into farms, like keeping different kinds of animals like cows, horses, pigs, and other animals as pets like dogs and cats. We spend the morning feeding them and playing with the dogs. It is been a long time since I have done this, when we are little, I and my brothers and sister will rush to the farm every morning to do the easiest task for the whole day, so it is better to get out of bed early or do the hardest task of the day.
In the afternoon, after we eat lunch I help my mother to collect fruits in the backyard together with my younger sister. My mother is collecting apples and other kinds of fruits that she planted many years ago.
My mother is always happy when I am coming home even it is once a year. When I am coming home she has many stories to tell and it is never-ending. Her story is never boring, sometimes when my mother is telling her stories I can observe that she always smiling.
My mother is always diverting my focus when I am coming home because she knows why I am coming home every year on the same date and month. I always come home during December but it is not for Christmas. I am here to visit the tomb of my childhood friend.
It is the other day, as usual, I eat breakfast with my family, take a bath and prepare to visit the tomb of my friend. It is a small town so I will just ride a bike to get around the town.
Before I go to the cemetery, I will go to the place where everything happens, where I lost my friend. I can still remember what happen and what I am feeling at that moment. I can still my hand that is soaked with his blood. I can still remember that smell of it. I am not ready to talk about this, maybe next time.
I proceed to the cemetery before I lost control and started to cry and panic. I am having a hard time forgetting everything that happens. Even it is a decade ago, I can still feel that it is yesterday.
I can remember it clearly but there is some part of it that is unclear, like where did the bullet come from and why it hit my friend's head and not mine? It is the question that is running in my head every time I came back here or every time that I think about this place.
Riding my bike around the town I can see that many parts of it change so fast. There are places that are gone but there are new ones that are built. There are places that are restored and look new and pleasing to the eye.
I can see that our small town with a population of 74 is coping with the fast changes of the world. I am happy and at the same time sad about it, I miss the old town I know, a town where there is a power shortage every week and the power will suddenly turn off at a specific time. A place where everyone is sleeping early in the night, a place where you can see the stars clearly not the street lights and the light of a car.
This time my mother did a great job diverting my thought...
All images are form Unsplash
After the Struggle
This is one of the most exciting days in a while, I can feel that everything is different full of hope and light. I keep telling myself that it will be different and fine, that everything will go according to plan. I keep telling myself that I deserve this, that I work hard for it and this is the day that everything will change for me.
I did not sleep well last night, I am thinking about this wonderful day a lot. Today I will graduate from college, I am excited and ready for the day. I can feel that everything will be okay this day, I can feel that my whole family is excited to see me graduate and I am excited as well to let them see what is the result of what they work for.
I did not think a lot when I get out of bed, I just did my morning routine, eat and get ready for my big day. Before we leave the house my relatives stop by our house and congratulated me, I said thank you and we get going. I said to myself that this is the day that I will harvest all the things that I have planted, this is the day that I will chase my dreams and when I get it, I will never let them go for the rest of my life.
We all have a dream of our own that we work so hard every single day to achieve, there are some barriers and challenges along the way, but as long as we like and love what we are doing, it will never be so hard for us. It will be more challenging and happy to do and when we finish it, it will be so satisfying that we are searching for more of it. Those are the words that keep circling around my head this morning.
Everything change when my mind find a hole where it can dig deeper and deeper until I noticed that I am at the bottom of this hole. Suddenly there are questions that circled around my head even I did not think about it.
Why everyone is happy now, but when I am struggling to graduate there is no one by my side. Why is everyone suddenly loved they keep asking me what do I want for breakfast or lunch and dinner, but when I am alone studying there is no one asking me if I need coffee or even a glass of water to drink.
Why is everyone keep asking me that, what is the feeling that I am done now, what is the feeling that? But when I am struggling to study all night long, no one asks me if I am fine or do I need something to become more relaxed.
Now they are suddenly interested in how I finished my course, but when I am on the journey of doing it, there is no one asking me. Now they keep praising me for what an incredible job I have done, but when I am in the middle of doing it, they become angry because I did not follow what they are asking for because I am studying for an exam or a quiz.
I am just noticed because I did something that they are proud of? Am I just noticing because they can something from me?
Is everything turning like this? To a disappointment?
What I did not accomplish anything, I am going alone because they don't want to see me anymore?
I know I will be alone when I fail or when I started to fail, I can see people come and go when they feel that a certain person is starting to break down or collapse. I can see them change sides when they see that the opponent becomes stronger, I think it is the nature of humans. I know I will be alone when I am starting at the bottom of my life, I will be alone when I am building my tower and when it is near the clouds, suddenly many people will see it and what to climb it.
I will wait for them at the top and ask them a question. "Where were you when I am on the grounds looking for someone to help me?" "Where were you when the wind is so strong? At that moment I can feel that I am about to fall. Where were you?
All images are from Unsplash
A strong wind welcomes me.
It is a normal day, I wake up early to go to school, it is still dark outside. Every day when I wake up, I will take a moment and breath while I am looking up in the stars, I don't know why, but it makes me feel calm. Before I take a bath and go out of my room to eat breakfast, I arrange my bag containing the things I need in school. Every day when I go home from school I unload everything out of my bag to set it up on my table to do my homework, so every morning I will clean it and put it in the bag again.
I am done cleaning my table and all my things are packed, I open my door and go to the kitchen to prepare my meal. I always try to eat my breakfast to fuel my whole day, I am always forgetting to eat my lunch because of my busy schedules.
After I eat, I will take a bath and prepare to go to school. I try to walk every day to school, it keeps me active for the whole day and I can pick up my friend on the way to school. He lives in an apartment not far away from mine, he lives alone since.
We are friends since we are little, we grow up in the same small town and we play on the same street. One day at the start of a school year, our parents enrolled us at the same school, where we meet and talk every day until our teacher become angry at us.
When we are young we are always positioned to sit at the back even the sitting arrangement is alphabetical. We are both tall for our age so our teachers are forced to position us at the back of the room.
When we are little we spend our day running around the school chasing each other and together we play with the other kids in the playground. I can still remember when we are a child and we are running on the road to our house when a dog chases us. We both run as fast as we can until the dog stops going after us.
There is a time that we are climbing trees so we can get its fruit when the owner of the tree suddenly shows up out of nowhere. My friend is still at the top of the trees when the owner yells at us. I did not run even I am scared, I waited for him to get down the tree before we run, but it is too late we are both caught.
I miss those moments in our life that everything is simple and just peaceful. everything is just fine and we don't need to chase on something. Unlike now we are under constant pressure to be something that sometimes we don't want to be.
Since last week I noticed that is something with my friend, he is a little bit off. He doesn't smile a lot and there are times that he is staring at something for a very long time until I pat him at the back and I will ask if everything is fine, and he will answer yes as always.
There is a time that I see him wipe away his tears, I ask him a question if he's okay and If there is something I can help with, he just looks at me and said that everything was fine.
I don't know what is happening inside his brain but I know there is something that is bugging him out. I know there is something that is getting all of his attention that is why he can't focus every day.
I asked him for the last time if everything is fine, he did not answer and I did not say another word, I just sit beside him as we watch the sunset.
I walk outside the house to go to school and pick my friend on the way to school. It is just a normal day, sunny and windy nothing more and nothing less. I walk in front of his door. The door was unlocked, this is weird because he never opens the door in the morning, he will just open it once I knocked.
As I open the door, a strong wind welcomes me, it is dark and cold. I did not see him, I called but no one answer. I Only see his shadows floating, you know what is the next scene I have witnessed
All Images are form Unsplash
I Know it is not Common to Cry.
I can still hear the sound of her voice, I can hear her whisper to my ears that she loves me and it echoes over and over again in my head. I don't know if it is a good thing or a curse that will never leave and hunts me until the day that I forget her. But I know that is not easy. I can still feel her hair on my face when it dances with the wind, It is annoying back then but now, I weirdly missed it, it is true that there are things that you can only appreciate when it is already gone.
I can still smell her perfume stuck in my bed, every time I will go to sleep or lie in my bed my tears will suddenly drop, I can't control it but I think it is common in a few days after two lovers go in their separate ways.
I don't know what to say or react to when someone talks to me and asks me questions like how our relationship going. I will don't know what to say but I always stood up and answer it is just fine, but deep those words are tearing me down inch by inch.
I wonder where my life would go when I build my dreams around her. When even the color of our future house is her idea, I wonder what should I do next. Should I savor this feeling so when I love again and when the same incident happened I will not be affected by it so much? And when I happen again I will know what to do.
Or should I let this feeling go and move on to the next stage of my life, find another woman and start again or rebuild myself and let the moment or chance come to me?
Can I have the courage to love again? or what should I do when she suddenly comes back? is it normal to think like this?
I remember the first time we meet, it was a cold night and I see her walking on the sidewalk. I know we are headed in the same direction so I let it happen. The day's sidewalk gets so dark in some parts of our town, she stops for a while before stepping further into the dark, I know she was scared.
I walked past her she did not move a muscle, I ask her if she want to walk with me to pass through this dark alleyway and she said yes. That time I don't really know if she knows me, so I ask her.
she answers and as she talks, I suddenly feel that the time slows a bit while I am looking at her, I look away before she notices that I am staring directly at her eyes.
We pass the dark part of the sidewalk and she is still talking, so I ask her if she want to walk with me tomorrow on the way home and she said yes.
I can't explain the feeling that I feel, but I feel so happy and light, I wonder if it is going to last.
All images are form Unsplash
Before everything goes blank and silent.
There are a lot of things to see and learn in this world, sometimes as I think and look deeper into my life, I can feel that life is too short and it is ticking so fast for me. Time runs like a train and I am left behind. Sometimes I can feel that it moves too slow for me, I think I did all the things I want and love to do, I think it is the time for me to go.
But my little human brain change so fast every time, I can think of two different things at once or I can think something and like it, but when a small moment pass, I will think other things, and my focus and my wants will change in an instant.
There are times that I want to end everything now but sometimes I want it to last forever. There are times that life is dark and it will take a while before I can see the light again, and there is a part of life that is always light and happy. But when everything is in constant peace and balance, I feel disturbed or uncomfortable because I know that there is a storm brewing in a far, it will come eventually and I will be caught off guard.
There are a lot of feeling to feel, our life is not enough to feel it all. There are different stages of everything, it is not just happy but there are stages that you are so happy you could die later.
It is too sad to see those happy and good people die at an early age. And to see those people that live even don't deserve to live like those criminals and crooked politicians, it is kind of hard to believe that everything is happening for a reason and he has a plan for us.
Our life is too short to be satisfied with our love, once we start to feel it we will look for it every day. We will feel like there is something missing when we are not with our loved ones. There is a part of you that is seeking someone or something every time. It is tiring to always look and chase for the people that we love, but there is always a better one that will make you feel like you are at the top of the world.
In our death bed, we like to be surrounded by our loved ones when we die, we like to see their faces for the last time before everything goes black and silent.
There is a place in our brain that is seeking constant care, I think that makes us human even more. Sometimes it makes us weak and soft but there are times that it can make us strong, it can awaken the sleeping part of our mind to act in the given situation.
All Images are from Unsplash
@MWSA
