read.cash Log in
@bam94

@bam94 in June 2021

@bam94

Oh wow, three British banks are blocking transfers to exchanges as Binance and Swissborg. Supposedly to protect their clients. That’s a rather harsh measure. Just glad that hasn’t happened in the EU (yet?). Apparently there has been a record number of frauds recently. However I don’t quite see why they target Binance or Swissborg. Both seem rather reputable to me. #Cryptocurrency

@bam94

This one for cat and dog lovers, is brilliant. The difference between dogs & cats The dog thinks: "They love me, they feed me, they take care of me - they have to be gods!" The cat thinks: "They love me, they feed me, they take care of me - I have to be a god!"

@bam94

An analogy for communication between crypto lovers and haters :) Customer: "Do you have a four volt, two watt light bulb?" Seller: "For what?" Customer: "No, two." Seller: "To what..." Customer: "Yes." Seller: "No" Customer: "Thank you. Goodbye " Seller: "Goodbye"

@bam94

You sit at the wheel of your BMW sports coupe and keep a constant speed. There is a slope on your left. There is a red fire truck on your right driving at the same speed as you. A pink pig runs in front of you, which is clearly larger than your car. A helicopter is chasing you at ground level. The pig and the helicopter have exactly your speed. What can you do to safely escape this situation?? : : : : Wait for the carousel to stop, just descend and drink less mulled wine!

@bam94

An atheist walked in the Rocky Mountains and admired all the things around him that "the coincidence of evolution" had created. "What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he walked along the river, he heard a rustle behind him in the bushes. He turned and saw a 2 meter grizzly bear approaching him. He ran up the path as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and noticed that the bear was getting closer. He ran even faster and tears came to him with excitement.…

@bam94

Finally did it! Club 1BNB reached, which enabled me to achieve 2% cashback level 2 on the binance visa card. Could for instance exchange all cashback earnings to BCH. This is really a great opportunity to earn some free crypto on your everyday shopping! #Cryptocurrency

@bam94

A classic for today: Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?” Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are…

@bam94

Here is an update on my BCH gains through noise.cash. It gives a visual impression how the recent platform changes affected tip distribution. You can see we had a very "dry season" from 11 to 23rd May roughly, now things seem to get up to pace again. Do you have similar experiences? #CryptoInvestment

@bam94

Quickie: What kind of murderer has fibre? A cereal killer.

@bam94

Just received my copy of "How to DeFi" from CoinGecko through their free daily candies. It's an excellent book! Here is their description: How To DeFi is a must-read book for anyone looking to understand DeFi. It is packed with simple explanations and step-by-step guides to help you understand and get started with in this fast-developing ecosystem. I am about halfway through, and it is a passionate read, I am learning plenty. Can only recommend it, in particular if you have…

@bam94

Oh my, oh my.. hunting is not for me :) Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

@bam94

This one is a nice pun on political views: Why do Marxists like fruit infusions? Because all proper tea is theft!

@bam94

Ok, this is a low brain power joke. Sometimes, like now on Friday afternoon, I need those cause I cannot process more complex ones any more :) What do you call a fly with no wings? - A walk.

@bam94

An 8 year old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"…

@bam94

Brilliantly stupid one: What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck.

@bam94

Started to watch Time Travellers on Netflix. Just finished season 1. Was a slow start, and the idea behind it still feels somewhat weird, but they act it through in a convincing way, and I really like the actors. So I think I'm in for at least season 2 to uncover what the director - an AI - is up to.. #Netflix

@bam94

Ok, as I'm a scientist, from time to time you also get a science-related joke. I know not everyone likes them, but hey, that's who/how I am... An atom walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he's seen his missing electron. "Are you sure she's missing", asks the bartender. "I'm positive", replies the atom.

@bam94

Here's a little gem. I love that one. Spiritual and nice pun: A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything."

@bam94

Wow, Buterin backing Dogecoin.. who would have expected that? Buterin stated: If Doge wants to somehow bridge to Ethereum and then people can trade Doge thousands of times a second inside of loopring, that would be amazing. If they want to just take zkRollup-style technology and just have thousands of transactions a second on their own chain, that would be a great outcome as well. Link:…

@bam94

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? "Close the door Can't you see I'm dressing?"

@bam94

Another science-related joke for the coming week: A grad student, a postdoc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first Me first " says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof He's gone. "Me next Me next "…

@bam94

Slowly upcoming change in BTC trading attitude according to this technical analysis. Long term hodlers start inversing the trend to buying, which is beneficial to the market. See here: https://flip.it/vJGAVX #CryptoTrading

@bam94

The relative strength Index (RSI) indicator explained as tool to spot market trend changes breaking out of bullish periods. Illustrated with examples on BTC, ETH, LTC and Vet. See here: https://flip.it/rWAfIi #CryptoInvestment

@bam94

A witty little animal, the penguin :) A penguin walks into a store and asks the teller, "Do you have any grapes?" "No." He replies. This same thing happens the next day. On the third day the teller replies," No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor " On the next the penguin walks in and asks," Got any nails? "No." Replies the teller. "So, you got any grapes then?" the penguin asks ..

@bam94

Trying to innovate.. with a biblical pun! How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was able...

@bam94

Have to admit it took me a little before I got this one, but then I found it an exceedingly brilliant pun. With some spiritual character :) What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do? Stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

@bam94

Communication, communication, communication!! A man went to a horse breeder and said, I want that horse. The breeder said that horse ain't looking so good, but the man still wanted to buy it, so he did. The next day he came back with the horse and said, you sold me a blind horse! The breeder replied: "I told you that horse ain't looking so good!".

@bam94

Hi, I have a recurring question about Brave rewards payment: every month it seems to slip a few days. Is it only me or do you have the same issue? Eg in January it was around the 13th, in February the 9th, March the 6th, April the 8th, May the 10th, June.. still waiting. These dates do not correspond to what is written when you click on the rewards icon. Also, each browser instance (eg on each different computer I use Brave) seems to have its own life and sends at a…

@bam94

Man, oh man, didn't know he was like that. Now my marvel image is irremediably tainted. A man on a business trip is staying in a high-rise hotel with a bar on the top floor. After checking in and seeing his room, he decides to go upstairs. There's only one other patron in the bar. The businessman orders a drink and then watches in surprise as the other patron quickly eats an orange, chugs his beer, and jumps out the window. A minute later, the man returns. The businessman is…

@bam94

French news have a bizarre attitude towards the crypto space: most of the time there are very little related headlines, and even less useful and informative contributions. But currently, with the dipping going on, every news outlet seems to have to insist and repeat how BTC and ETH are going down. Starting to be a little fed up by this simplistic attitude. I usually check the articles out to see if there is some valuable information, but right now it’s almost exclusively…

@bam94

Took me some thinking before I got it, but when it sunk in.. nice pun! Q. Why do cows have bells ? A. Because their horns dont work.

@bam94

Ok, more intriguing joke questions and wordplay: Q: What happens to Composers when they die. A: They decompose

@bam94

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but the light bulb's got to want to change.

@bam94

While robbing a home, a burglar hears someone say, "Jesus is watching you." To his relief, he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something it had heard. The burglar asks the parrot, "What's your name?" The parrot says, "Moses." The burglar goes on to ask, "What kind of a person names their parrot Moses?" The parrot replies, "The same kind of person that names his Rottweiler Jesus."

@bam94

Two caterpillars were crawling along a leaf when a butterfly flew past overhead. One caterpillar turned to the other one and said: "You'll never get me up in one of those things!"

@bam94

Ok, another science-focused joke; cannot refrain from it. Call it professional deformation. "Sally, can you spell "water" for me?" The teacher asked. H I J K L M N 0 answered Sally promptly. Her teacher look puzzled. That doesn't spell "water"! "Sure it does", said Sally. It's all the letters from H to O!

@bam94

Wondering what to invest in next, to diversify. Heard lots of noise about Matic recently. Anyone care to share experiences with this token? #CryptoInvestment

@bam94

For a laugh three french soldiers put mustard in their ears. From then on they are called the three mustardears!

@bam94

Hmm, not sure what's going on.. I was so happy to have reached 1 BNB to achieve level 2 for Binance card cashback, but now that I started to use it the cashback has actually been either refused or paid out only at level 1. Since yesterday trying to work out with them what's wrong. First I had a junior agent, not very helpful, he transferred to a senior one, immediately acknowledging something was going on, then transferred me to their "card team" and now I am waiting. What…

@bam94

Priests are such good counselors :) A worried man goes to see his priest. "Father, I am worried. I think that my wife is trying to poison me." Said the priest: "Hold on my son, let me talk to your wife and come back to see me tomorrow, then I shall be able to give you some advice." The following day the man aging comed to his priest who tells him: "Well my son, I have talked to your wife for nearly two hours. My advise to you is : Take the poison!"

@bam94

Continuing to follow/monitor the impact of the noise platform changes on tipping. My activity is roughly - on average - constant every day, so I think these graphs rather accurately reflect of how the experiments and improvements of the platform impact the tips you received. With the most recent changes, things have significantly flattened out.. let's see whether things pick up again or not. #NoiseFeatures

@bam94

Well this one will definitely make a brilliant argument with my wife. Must put it into practice (but I fear I'll get into trouble..): A man put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week. By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on.

@bam94

I'm now running a PreSearch node! Just got the acceptance in. Using a docker container this was up in no time. Also staked 1000 PRE onto the node. Let's see whether that produces some returns, but in any case, as I'm already using PreSearch as a search engine on all my browsers, it does make sense to help the project and run a node. What (crypto)nodes or services do you run? Edit: after staking 1000 PRE it earns reasonable amounts of PRE (>2 in a day), which you can actually…

@bam94

Oh wow, San Salvador will power their Bitcoin mining with clean, renewable energy from Volcanoes! Now that’s an original approach. Still don’t understand why they chose BTC as legal tender, given its mining fees. #CryptoMining

@bam94

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one -- but the light bulb really has to want to change!

@bam94

This is some fine wordplay pun. Love these little termites... Did you hear about the termite who walked into an all-wooden bar and asked, "Is the bartender here?"

@bam94

My first Chia plots are now online! Soo encouraging... it tells me estimated time to win is 23 years! and then adds that actual results may take 3 to 4 times longer than this estimate. This is really downputting, right.. but hey, keep those plots coming and grow your farm! #CryptoMining

@bam94

Ok, one more in the wordplay category. I can read this one again and again, and each time find it as funny as the first! A pork Pie walks into a Pub and says 'Ill have a pint please', to which the landlord replies - 'sorry we dont serve food'.

@bam94

A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead." The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words." The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale."

@bam94

Hmm, getting quite a few hearts these days, but not getting any associated tips. Happening to anyone else? Maybe related to some new updates? Still, when I give hearts, I can see tips are handed out. Sometimes it is disconcerting to not understand how the system works. Or maybe someone had "fun" and rated me as spammer? Too bad I cannot check that. Would explain things.

@bam94

Sadie's husband Jake has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night. One night, Jake comes to and motions for her to come closer. He says, "My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you…

@bam94

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

@bam94

Time for a science joke/pun to start the week: A neutron walks into a bar, and says "Give me a beer." The bartender says "Hey! Neutron! For you - no charge!"

@bam94

One morning, a girl says to her mum, "Does God use our bathroom?" Her mum replies, "No dear, why do you ask?" The little girl says, "Well, every morning daddy says 'Oh God, are you still in there!"

@bam94

This one is mean. But still funny, Where would you find a tortoise with no legs ? Wherever you left it

@bam94

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

@bam94

Chia is really playing with my nerves. 11 active plots further, I am down to an estimated time to win of 13 years. Need to get that thing down to less than one! At least from time to time I now see my plots move past filter. Who else is farming Chia? Any feedback? #CryptoMining

@bam94

Presearch node finally up and running. The longest part was waiting for their approval. It's nice, doesn't take lots of resources and has quite a decent return. With the 1000 PRE I staked on my node I calculated I get an almost 100% APR based on the gains of PRE for running searches and providing a stable node. Now I just wonder whether this is a fixed number or whether it would double if I staked 2000 instead of 1000.. #Presearch

@bam94

Q: where is a cemetery located in any town? A: In the Dead center of it!

@bam94

I was getting forgetful, so I went to the neighbors and asked the husband what is the name of your mental doctor that you have been bragging about. He asked me what flower has a long stem with thorns. I said a rose. He said thank you, thank you, Hey Rose, what is the name of my memory doctor?

@bam94

Upwards movement again in the market with several positive news, starting from Goldman Sachs considering moving into Eth in addition to Btc, Elon contributing more positive tweets etc. What a rollercoaster this year!

@bam94

Female logic?! See for yourself.. A man ran into the house breathless and he said to his wife, "Honey, you should be so proud of me, I just saved $1.50 by not taking the bus, but I chased it all the way home - The wife replied, "You want a medal for that? - You should have chased a cab and saved yourself 15!

@bam94

There are two fish in a tank. The first fish says to the second fish: "How the hell do we drive this thing?"

@bam94

A little twinkle to my friends across the small pond: Why don't English rugby players get vaccinated before touring? ..they never catch anything.

@bam94

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

@bam94

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.

@bam94

This chap lives alone and he was feeling a bit lonely, so he goes to the pet shop to get something to keep him company. The pet shop owner suggested an unusual pet, a talking millipede. "OK," thought the man,"I'll give it a go..." So he bought a millipede, took it home, and for lack of advance preparations, made it a temporary home in a cardboard box. That evening testing his new pet, he leaned over the closed box and said, "I'm going to the pub for a drink, do you want to…

@bam94

Did you hear about the farmer who won the Nobel Prize for being outstanding in his field?

@bam94

Two drunks are sitting at a bar. The first one says, "What's this thing that they call a 'Breathalyzer'?" The second guy says, "It's a bag that can tell how much you drank." The first guy says, "I married one of those things years ago."

@bam94

A truckdriver saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly…

@bam94

Craig David , Shaggy and Britney Spears were stuck in an elevator when they smelled something like rotten eggs. Craig David said "I'm walkin' away", Shaggy said "it wasn't me" and Britney Spears said "Oops I did it again".

@bam94

Enjoying Startrek Discovery.. many unexpected turns, the eternal Spock and also otherwise very eclectic characters. I started the series with little expectations, and really, what a pleasant surprise. Which other Startrek series or movie would you recommend? #Netflix

@bam94

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts to do it!

@bam94

Wow, apparently a major crypto scam on annAfrican exchange. Two brothers ran away with 69.000 BTC apparently. In France also some conflicting news: a crypto association accuses Binance of having réinitialiZed and thereby lost their funds.. but it also could be they just try to cover up a scam. #Cryptocurrency

@bam94

I am a big fan of bicycling, and this joke just made my day. So please enjoy the wordplay (I had to let it sink in for a few seconds before I got the pun, but when it hit me, I found it hillarious). Two pieces of tarmac go into a pub and boast to the barman about how hard they are, "We're motorway us." Then another piece of tarmac enters and the first two hide under a table. "What's wrong?" says the barman, "I thought you were really hard?" "We are," they say, "but he's a…

@bam94

Q: Why don't anteaters get sick? A: Because they're full of antibodies.

@bam94

Going through quite a low with my ethereum mining experiment. On the other hand, the quantity of ethereum produced per day went up, reaching a maximum on 22/6 .. I wonder whether this is a built-in mechanism. I don't think it is related to the difficulty that does vary, but not so much (almost 40% increase from ca. 0.006 ETH a day to 0.01 ETH a day). Anyone with a theory? #Mining

@bam94

Coming to the end of the 3rd season of Startrek discovery. I will miss it when it's over. Anybody recommend a good follow-up series? Exploring worlds in space, with nice alien species etc.? Any suggestions welcome. #Netflix

@bam94

A Texan is bragging, as usual: "You know," he says, "I can get in my Cadillac at 7 a.m., drive all day long and still be on my property." "Yes," replies his listener, "I had a car like that once."

@bam94

Hmm I seem to have lost my ability to rate users . I wonder where that came from. Maybe some of the spammers I flagged have retaliated? Pretty sure I used thar"power" quite responsively abd helped improve the platform a bit. Apparently those Days are over. Too bad.

@bam94

A mother & daughter go out looking for Barbie Dolls, but can't find any prices in the shop, so they ask an assistant to help. "This is Single Barbie, she cost £20, and this is Married Barbie, she costs £40, and this one is Divorced Barbie, she costs £250", says the assistant. "Why so much for the Divorced Barbie?" asks the mother. "Well, with the Divorced Barbie" says the assistant "You get the House, the Car, the Children......"

@bam94

Hmm just read here in the news that Binance was banned from operating in the UK.Is that true? Can anyone from the UK confirm or infirm this statement? I found it quite shocking. #CryptoTrading

@bam94

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? . : : : I hear the food is great, but the atmosphere is lousy.

@bam94

A newly married man asks his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" " Darling," the woman replies sweetly, "I'd have married you no matter _who_ left a you a fortune."

@bam94

El Salvador handing out 30$ in Bitcoin to its inhabitants via the Chiva app. Now that’s a cool move. Who said that governments were boring and not up to date. Let’s see if other countries may follow? #Cryptocurrency

@bam94

The author of “Rich dad, poor dad”, a financial advisory classic book, says a Krach is coming and recommends to buy cryptocurrency now to prepare for it. He predicts the Krach will be a long one. I will for sure follow his advice. Although he focuses on BTC, my asset choice will be a bit more diversified and certainly comprise BCH and ETH. #CryptoInvestment

@bam94

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

@bam94

Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."

@bam94

Struggling a little bit these days to find positive crypto-related news. Now this may def8nitely be one: “ Senator Cynthia Lummis backs crypto for US retirement plans”. While I would not want myself to outsource a crypto-based retirement plan (I prefer to overview my crypto investments myself), it sends a very positive signal. #Cryptocurrency

@bam94

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

@bam94

James wanted to start a new hobby, and he decides he's going to learn a new flying sport. So he invites his friends to come and watch. He takes them to the top of a cliff, and produces three bird cages - one containing a budgerigar, the second containing a chicken, and the third a parrot. "What *are* you up to?" asked one of his friends. "Well," said James, "I couldn't decide between budgie-jumping, hen-gliding or parrot- shooting.... so I thought I'd try all three."