The Anxiety Corona Virus Brings

Hey, this is @aquariyoursxx again. This is going to be a bit personal as I will share about the unstableness of my feelings right now due to the on-going pandemic. This is also going to be an informal way of writing as I will talk in a first POV.

It was the third week of March when news about the virus spread in our country, Philippines. Even before that, we were already wearing face masks, in our region, because of a volcanic ash fall. It was the week wherein the students were having hectic schedules due to Research Congress, so even in weekdays, I still go out to meet my groupmates.

In the last week of March, the classes were already suspended because few cases were already recorded and my region is not that far from the national airport where foreigners land when they go to the Philippines. Days passed, I started having body aches and sore throat, so I panicked because literally the day the classes were suspended, me and my friends were at a thrift store, near a hospital where a rumored patient was checked in. I even stayed away from my brother that time because I might have the virus. It was the worst week of my life, tbh. I cried in fear, probably because of what I see in the internet about Covid patients. But after two weeks, I was relieved when the sickness was gone.

For the first month of quarantine, since my mom is not home due to work, they were housed by the company, I had the responsibility of going to the market and buying stuff for the house. Since we don't have a refrigerator that time, I go out about 3-4 times a week. And then again, I started having body aches, even got a runny nose and fever. It was then when I really detained myself in the house. Even when the store was just across my house, I can't leave the house by the fear that I have the virus and I might transmit it to someone. Again, series of sleepless nights came. The anxiety is growing as it took another 2 weeks when I got better. But even then, I didn't want to go out of the house.

The fear didn't stop there. I continuously experience being sick at least once a month and I don't even know why. I'm not this easy to get sick even when I have this kind of body. Even now, I am experiencing a fever and a runny nose right now. This time I am more afraid because as some of you know, two days ago, I went out to my friend's house. It is my fault for feeling this way, I understand. However, even though I experienced it over and over and over again, the same fear-even stronger, and the anxiety I feel still lingers. Even though I know that it's impossible to have it since I literally didn't go out for the rest of the days, the same feeling is still there.

Sometimes when I tell my mother about being sick, I laugh while telling her so she wont feel how anxious I am. Actually, we make fun of it to ease the fear we have.

The thing with this virus is that if it doesn't attack you physically, it attacks you mentally and emotionally. It's so stressful that you might find it hard to keep yourself sane. But luckily, during those times, I discovered about podcasts. It helped me really good listening to people talking about their worries also. And now, thank you to my friend, @kli4d , I discovered this platform. Here I am typing my worries about the anxiety the virus affects me.

If you've come all the way here reading my not-so-helpful content, then thank you for making time. Anyway, this isn't meant to be read by a lot of people. I just want to shake off my thought right now.

Thank you!