Regrets in life

 I have attended quite a few funerals in my life, that of both my grandparents of both maternal and paternal side, my father and some others. All of them died above 70 so I can say that they had lived there full quota of life. Sometimes this makes me think as to whether they had a life they wanted. The grandparents died long time ago so I was not matured enough then to ask these questions to them. My father was bed ridden for about 4 months and was an Alzheimer’s patient. So in the end stages he was not in the position to talk about these things.

I am quickly approaching 50, so two third of life is already behind me. The one third that is left is also subject to no major sudden crash landing. So now sometimes I delve into this topic- have I lived a fulfilling life, any regrets? Some of you might say that you don’t have any regret in life, but I guess that will be a false statement. Everyone has, it’s just that you may have taken it in a stride, accepted it and put it in the back burner.

For me there has been some. In my young age I was in love with mountaineering. This was before I landed in my job. After joining my job I did not make out time to follow my passion. If you notice I have used ‘did not’ instead of ‘could not’, that’s because I could have but somehow job became the first priority for me and I stopped thinking about mountaineering. I could have done it because I had 60 days of leave each year and was unmarried then. So I could have easily devoted 15 days for my passion which I did not. Now I regret that. To make up some of it now I go for trekking in the Himalayas once every year, but I don’t do pure peak climbing now.

In my young age with my job I neglected financial planning. So in the initial years of the job I did not bother about saving much. It was only in the mid thirties that the realization dawned that I should be serious about it and then only I went for aggressive saving. But with a full-fledged family and supporting parents also, the amount of saving is not as per my desired level. Thanks to the pension which saved the day for me. Now at least I know at the end of the month the pension amount will get credited into my account. If the pension was not there then I would have been in thick soup to survive comfortably just on the basis of my savings. That’s one of the reason I am slogging here in read cash.

I love to travel but could not do it to the heart’s content. I know to satisfy the heart is difficult but still I could have seen many more places with my family if I had planned properly. Also I had the desire to visit the West at least once in my lifetime but that too remained unfulfilled. I made my passport 5 years back but it is still blank. But I want to do it once. This passport will expire in another 5 years. May be after renewing it I will give it a shot, otherwise it only serves as an identity proof for me.

 Next in the list will be studying. In my school and college days I was least bothered about studies- for two reasons- first I was not good at it, always a back bencher and second, I was more into mischief and playing. Now when I see my school friends who studied hard are in high positions that tad feeling of sadness sometimes crops in my mind. I remember my parents telling me about the importance of studying but I somehow just studied only enough to jump from one class to the next.

Another one is that I did not keep a close association with my close school friends during the mid twenties till the mid forties. I got busy with my job, then marriage and child, in other words went with the flow of a family life. But now after my retirement I have again connected with them. Though those days won’t come back but still it is a satisfaction now that I am again connected to them.

Other than these I have a few trivia ones like not able to do skydiving as it is not available in India, wanted to do a 100 km run, wanted to do a trans Himalayan trek from one corner to the other, still continuing to smoke and not quitting it, not able to make a full-fledged work from home income after retirement instead of the passive income I make here, not saying sorry and thank you to many and may be a few others....

If I hade done all those things I have mentioned, would I have been happier, well I think so but cant say for sure.

There is a book by Bronnie Ware who was a nurse in a hospital looking after critical care last stage patients. She compiled her experiences in that book. The main points of regret in the last stage were mostly the following-

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a 
life true to myself, not the life
 others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so much.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express
 my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with
 my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be 
happier.