Mag aaway pero hindi maghihiwalay

Blog:110-13th
Date:June 18,2022
Time:3:00pm

So yesterday I publish an article about extending my patience and understanding. Of course, I am extending my patience and understanding to my husband.

Hubby and I is been married for 2 years and 6 months. We had just been in a relationship for four months before we got married. Well, our married life was tested throughout the years we've been together. Not an easy journey but for sure God has his own reason why we have to experience that kind of trials in our marriage.

I know some of you are wondering why I still choose to be with him despite all the headaches and stress that he causes me. Well, for me if you are a wife and a mother, you can't just easily leave your husband. Of course, it's easy to say just leave him, but it's hard for me. I have to think about it more than a hundred times first.

Last week I already told him that I decided to go back to my parents' place once my son will finally feels okay. Since he still has asthma at that time and we can't go back to my parents' place because my parents' place still didn't have electricity and we have to use his Nebulizer for his asthma. I even told him that I am willing to give him our house. Though it's not yet finished I spend more money on that house. I told him, I wish him to find someone that can really understand him. Maybe I am not the one for him. Maybe he will find someone that he is willing to change. Honestly telling him all of those words really hurts me but I didn't cry. I told him I will never cry again because of him. He didn't do anything. He was just listening to everything I have said. I don't know what's on his mind. I don't know what he feels.

However, even if I don't want to talk to him or just act like he doesn't exist at home, it will be impossible because we have a kid. It's never been easy to stay or act like you are okay. I have to act like I am strong, I have to pretend that I am happy. At first, I am more at peace doing that way. I learn the art of Deadma. The less I care the happier I am. I go to work without saying goodbye and I don't kiss him anymore unlike in the old times. Honestly, I was just doing it in the hope that he will finally realize and feel what I feel when he used to ignore me.

Since he doesn't have a job, he just stays at home. He is the one who looks after our son when my daughter is at school. I only talk to him if it's about our son. So basically he feels the coldness of my treatment towards him. He knows why I am acting that way but instead of doing some effort to talk to me to settle whatever problem we had but he ignores me more. He makes me feel like I don't exist too. He will go wherever he wants without asking my permission. It was okay with me since I don't want to be stressed because of him but he was way too far from disrespecting me and I have to stop him from doing that over and over again. So last night he just go out and go somewhere without telling me where he goes. He's been doing that almost every night. Since he has his phone with him I tried to call him. I had to call 3x before he finally answered it. He said he was just in the neighborhood watching TV.So I started telling him that he is going so far as disrespecting me and I will not allow him to keep on doing it over and over again. When he arrives home, I started talking to him and telling him everything I wanted to say. As much as I don't want to cry but I can't hold my tears anymore. It's killing me inside. It's been a while since I was trying to hold my tears and trying act like I am okay. Finally, I vent out my feelings, the pain, and the stress that I've been through. I told him I am stressed financially but I am more stressed because of him.

I was trying to extend my patience and understanding to him but I am human too, I came to the point that I feel tired. I feel tired of understanding him. I still have lots of other things to think and he is adding stress on me. He told me not to think about him and not to bother about him, how could I do that? We are living under the same roof, of course, I can't just act like we are okay even if we are not. He told me he is still in confusion. He admits his mistakes but what is the point of admitting them and not doing something to correct that mistakes. He is adding insult to the injury, He is good at pouring salt. He knows his mistakes but he still keeps on doing them, he knows I will be mad at him but he still kept on doing the same mistake over and over again. Then he will just tell me that he is still confused about himself. Like what?Confused?Confused about what? Is he going crazy? I told him, he had to focus on our family. He has to think about what's best for our family. He has to act like a man, act as the head of the family but he is too weak to get confused about anything. that's so unreasonable. I was the one who kept on trying to fight for our family. He should be the one to be strong as the head of the family.

When he sees me crying over and over again he handed me the water bottle for more than 2 years it was his first time doing that. I've cried so many times already but he never ever gives me some comfort. Last night when I stay quiet while my tears were falling down, he came behind my back and started hugging me and telling me not to cry. It was also his first time comforting me that way. That's what I've been waiting for. For him to show some concerns about what I feel.For him to show his emotions. Then that's the start that we start talking heart to heart. He started to open up his feelings. He told me that he started treating me cold because I was being cold to him. He knows it was his mistake why I acted that way. He promised to change himself for the better and for the best for our family.

Ending thoughts

Indeed, it takes two to tango.No relationship will last if not both of you will work for it. I can't just be the one who will do the effort and keep on fighting. He has to do his part too. I hope and pray to God that he will enlighten my husband's mind and guide him always so he can do the right thing for our marriage life and also for our family.

Honestly, I hope this will be the last time that I will write something bad or the bad side of my husband. I hope one day I can also share here how he changes for the better.

Photos used in this article are all owned by yours truly unless it is stated.

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