It was a hard month

It is already the last day of the month. I can not believe how fast August ended. Tomorrow -ber month is going to start which is going to be a sign for some that Christmas is coming.

Anyway, last year on August, I was at the top of the world. It was my most productive month as of yet. I was very active in things that I love. I regularly read replies telling me that I am so productive. I did not miss a day in publishing an article, I was crocheting a lot of stuff, and creating artworks on top of being a full time student then.

This year's August is the opposite. Well, maybe opposite is not the right term. In a way, I was productive but I do not have much proof to show for it.

Firstly, this month is my most affected month of writing articles. I barely visited noise.cash and read.cash. I only visited Hive twice and then I left my account sitting there.

I had so many goals for this month that I did not achieve but I am still proud of myself.

I am still here.

And for now, that is what matters to me.

Blogging

This month is not a good one for my blogging journey. I barely published articles even though I have a lot of things I wanted to write about. I have so many crochet projects that I wanted to share not only on read.cash but also on Hive but I did not manage to publish them this month.

The main reason is my depressive episode which is still not going away so I have limited energy every day. I chose to use that energt for my academic requirements instead of hustling.

While I am sad that I have stopped blogging for a some days, I will be honest about how it affected my mood. I thought I would feel down about it since I have limited place where I can share my emotions but in reality, not having to think about what to write for the day was a huge relief to me. I felt that I did not need to document every moment in my life and then criticizing each thing to see if I can make my life fit the image I am trying to maintain online.

Blogging is my way of trying to track my life but in taking a break from it for a short while, I realized how much I am missing out on when I was so focused on trying to turn a good moment into a blog. I used to find myself composing an article in my head as things happen that I do not fully immersed myself in the experience but when I stopped doing that I was surrised at how much fun I could find at doing simple tasks.

Moreover, not having to think about interacting with others also made me happy. I wanted to make friends here but I am not sure what is wrong with me that I can not keep the connection going. I was feeling down about that so the distance from that helped me a lot as well.

Crochet

I was not lacking any money since I keep receiving crochet orders despite the fact that I delisted my items on my Shopee account and I have not made any new marketplace listings on Facebook. I am very grateful for the continuous order because I did not have to oush myself in trying to grind in blogging even when I did not want to.

The crochet projects I worked on this month are something that brought me a lot of joy and I really wanted to share them with you. Hopefully, I will be able to slowly write an article about some of the projects I worked on.

Academic

This took up a majority of my time. When class started, I was still able to balance my time but then as the professors started to let their rpesence be known, I realized that I will be too burnt out if I keeo trying to do everything at once. That is a big reason why I had been inactive from writing.

As much as I had grown to love blogging here, I know where my true priorities lie.

I started looking for internships this month and I was busy with the requirements. Then I got accepted in the internship I applied for and I had to do a lot of preparation since the task assigned to me is more appropriate for an Electronics engineering student than an Instrumentation and Control engineering student. But I still took the opportunity since I am interested in the company and I am hoping that I could gain insight into whether I would want to work with them in my professional career or not.

Moreover, the company that where I am an intern also offers various trainings for engineering and computer related topics. I actually applied for one online training related to my course and I am considering another trainin related to mt OJT tasks. I am still not yet decided but I am planning to add certificates in my name so that I could have an advantage.

Another thing is that we are already working on our thesis. We are still at the title proposals part but it is already stressing me since I can clearly see that my classmates are not good at research. I am not judging them since I know the education system is not that great here but I am feeling so sad since we did not get to choose our groupmates so me and my bestfriend were in a separate group.

Quizzes are also starting to make their appearance so I am bombarded with a lot of academic related stuff.

Rest

Despite it all, I managed to still find time to rest. Not really sleeping since I am mostly undersleeping this month but just lying in bed to breathe.

Moreover, I am still able to make time for my partner and our relationship. Just to share, my partner asked me earlier if I wanted to eat with him after my OJT. Honestly, it was such a nice surprise that gave me the motivation to finish all my works after our short date. We just ate for about an hour and he gave me some snacks for when I am studying, then we went home.

I took a short nap before I started working on my quizzes and homeworks. I am happy to say that I finished all the things I needed to do even the ones that I did not want to do.

Closing words

I just wanted to publish an article for the end of the month. Also I want to apologize if I am not responding at your replies in my articles. I am not trying to be mean or anything, it is just that my depression is literally weighing my down so bad that I can not think of what to reply. I read your replies and know that I am grateful and I appreciate all of you. So thank you so much for visiting my article even when I am not that active anymore.

I am not sure when I would be able to publish again but I am happy to be able to publish this.