Looking Back Time

March 02, 2022

Aloha readcash family. How are you all doing today? I just learned earlier that this month, here in our country, is celebrating the Women's month. I don't know if other country will be celebrating also. Thus, to all my fellow Filipino women, Happy Women's Month to us. We women are powerful, boundless, resilient, brave and brilliant. We should always remember that.

Earlier today when I browsed my Facebook memories, which is my new added daily routine, I saw my pictures when I was in college with my friends, which was also my roommates. When I saw the pictures, some memories flashed from the past.

This was me four years ago. As you can see, I was as thin as a rake. Many people asked me if I am sick or do I still eat because of my slim body. Some people call me stick, tikling sa basak (kind of bird that commonly found in a rice field), broomstick, or paper. Hearing those words made me lose my self-esteem. Even during high school days, when they want me to join pageants in school, I always decline. Why? Because I don't have the confidence. I am afraid that the viewers or audience will just mock me. I am petrified being ridiculed and became laughing stock of others.

During my college time, lack of self confidence is the reason why I didn't do some things that I wanted to try or doing the things that I used to love. I used to love dancing. But because of the insecurities that I have in my body, I held myself up from trying to join dance groups. Whenever there were school presentations, I just watched my classmates perform. But deep inside me, I am envious. I want to join them for dancing is my passion. But then again, I am being devoured by my insecurities.

While writing this, I am watching Sexy Babe segment of It's Showtime. This is a noontime show here in our country. While watching the candidates, I feel envious. Then some questions came up to my mind. What if I am like them who are filled with confidence before? Maybe I have a career now. I remember before, one of my uncle's friend offered me to become a model. He told me that with my physique, I can be a model. He gave me his calling card. The offer sounds good to me but I am being pulled by my insecurities again. I declined the offer he gave. I wasted another beautiful opportunity because of my self-doubt and lack of confidence.

Well, I can't bring back the time. I can't bring back the opportunities that I wasted for the reason that I am not confident with myself.

This is me now. I gained weight after I gave birth to my daughter. As I gained weight, I also gained a little confidence with myself. I no longer hear those words they threw to me before. Those words that steal my self-esteem. But my passion is not my priority now. I have another priorities now that I became a normal.

CLOSING THOUGHT

To those people who were like me before, those who are struggling to show their confidence, all I can say is that don't listen to other people's word. Don't let their harsh words ruin your confidence. Don't let them get through your mind. Because if you listen to them, you will become like me. Who let opportunities slipped away because I let their words eat up my whole being. Trust and believe yourself. You are beautiful and sexy in your own way. Do not let them degrade you. Show them that their grating words can't destroy you.

Thank you for reading this far folks. I hope you learned something from this write up of mine. Till next time.

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All photos above are mine.

Lead image is edited using Canva app.