It's my way of avoiding rejections.

When @ellimacandrea published an article about first impressions , I commented on it that I also want to asked my friends about thier first impressions to me even if I already knew thier answers as I know I am not to approachable as a person but I added one question and that question was " then after you know more about me. Is that first impression change?

First I posted it on my Facebook account and then I messaged some of my friends in different circles.

After I posted on my Facebook wall , there's a few who commented. They are the people around me that I can say not to close enough and here's thier replies.

Looks like hard to approach.

Snobber at first but friendly.

Feels like her smile has a price.

I was bit hurt when I saw these comments and I asked myself , am I too snobber? Though I knew to myself that I am and all of their replies were true but these are only first impression as I know to myself that I am not like that when you knew me better.

I am a type of person who is not always smiling. I have always have the mataray look that why a lot of people find me snobber and hard to approach but they didn't know that this kind of personality of mine is kind of my defense mechanism to avoid myself from rejection. Yes , you heard it right. Despite of my frown face , there's a thought in my head that I want to be friendly but I am afraid to greet or smile to them because they might not do the same. That's why I admire those friendly person.

So what happened typically was I will smile to the one who smiled at me first and I talked to someone who approach me first. I remember when I was working in my previous company , so I have a seatmate there in the other station , we are in the middle shift that time and you know what? It's because didn't care to asked me or talked to me then I do the same and we didn't talked the whole month. Then we had a hiking after that shift and we had a chance to talk then she said to me , Ate Jen you're so talkative , you have many stories to tell. I thought you're a snobber that's why I didn't approached you. I told her that it's okay because I am so used to it.

Then this is three of the replies to the ones I messaged in my different circle of friends.

This is from my college friend that remains my close friend until now.

Snobber, but after i met you you're still snobber hahaha just kidding! A serious type of person and sometimes a little bit weird.

This is from my friend when I was working in Level Up.

A silent type of person and yeah snobber. Sometimes silent but sometimes talkative especially when we had a conversation about life. For me you're not maldita Yen , you are just a silent type of person especially to the ones that you didn't know we'll yet.

And lastly , a friend from my previous job in a BPO company.

Look snobber but friendly,Well if im being honest, nothing change you are the most wonderful human being i could've ever met with a strong personality. Highly authentic people don't pretend, even though you're "SUPLADA" still i like you for being real than to be fake.

Yeah , I am aware that I am not into greeting people most of the time. Sometimes I also asked myself why I am like this. I am not friendly like the other and I am not approachable enough to the point that people judge me but still blessed because there's a few people who know me better as a friend, cousin, daughter , wife and mother.

And the reason why I am more open to strangers is that I can freely express myself to them with no judgements.