The Baby in the Trash Can

I tossed to and fro on bed like the hand of a pendulum clock, Scary thoughts filled My mind and I could hear his innocent cry, my mistake of 20 years kept hunting me. All this while Eric lay at the other end of the bed with nothing troubling him.

2nd May, 2002

I Stood at the mirror to examine my growing belly couple with My early morning vomits, I knew everything wasn't fine. I went to the clinic, test were conducted and it turns out I was pregnant. Everything started spinning round me. I needed to call him as soon as possible. I wasn't seeing anything and I could barely scroll through my phone.

I went to his place, confused and wondering how he was going to accept our fate. They he was having a beautiful nap, I knocked and he open. I stood still for some minute before I entered, his eyes scanning my body to know what the problem was. I acted like I was fine just to distract him. Inquisitive Eric, won't rest until he knew what the problem was. He finally broke the silence "Gwen have never seen you this disturbed, hope you are fine". I shook my head and amidst sobs I informed him of the pregnancy. They was a brief moment of silence and I could hear both our heart beats. I could tell the news didn't go well with him, how was he to cater for us, when he was still receiving stipends from his father. I understood with him but we had limited time on our side, since the pregnancy was already 3 months old. We broke the silence by screaming "abortion" , though I knew it wasn't a good plan but we weren't ready to bare the cumbersome load of parenthood, at least not now.

He made preparations for the abortion, while I continued hiding from people because of my growing tummy. The D-day came, I heaved a sigh of relieved knowing I wasn't returning with this unwanted visitor. We waited patiently for our turn. He was right there holding my hand and assuring me, everything was going to be fine. "Gwen Johnson" I heard from the doctor's office. My heart suddenly grew heavy, but it was too late to turn away. Tears dribble down my cheek as I walked in. 3 hours after the procedure, I opened my eyes, there he was, not in the incubator but in the trash can. Fear gripped me, as I watch the lifeless innocent baby being killed because of my mistake. My eyes were ready to spill its content religiously. The nurses came in, consoled me and I returned home .

At last, I wasn't going to hide from people again, I will get my perfect shape back, I spoke softly. But then I was never free from the lifeless picture I saw in the trash can, it began hunting me the day, I officially accepted to become Mrs. Eric. And for 20 years have been tormented by memories of the mistake of my past.

Am so confused right now, what can I do to be free from my the revenge of my past ?

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