Posing. Walking the runway. Wearing fashionable clothes. That's the life I gave up to protect my inner peace and mental health.
Modeling was my job for almost 4 years before I finally decided to quit. I was moving around different cities of New York, Milan, Paris, and even here in the Philippines. Not to brag but I was a walking paycheck that time. I earn from every pose, walk, and wearing fashionable clothes.
I was being chased by cameras everywhere --- every minute of the day. Agencies we're eyeing for me to sign a contract for them. Well, I wouldn't be surprised as I've worked with different brands locally and internationally, some of which are high-end brands.
Why did I quit? Modeling is a profession in which many see it as "the life" where you don't have to work so hard as other people. It was toxic. Modeling was a toxic industry. They would want you to go to different shows in just a 30-minute break and they expected us to be ready. There were even times that we encountered sexual harassment by photographers, designers, and even our managers.
My family didn't understand why I quit. They said that I was already earning 6 digits per fashion show I attend and sacrificing all of it just to study veterinary medicine. The walking paycheck who can provide for his family became a burden. Even the construction of our house was postponed because there was no budget.
In the early weeks/ months of studying veterinary medicine, I struggled a lot. My body drastically changed. From having a toned body to being skinny. I suffered from Body dysmorphophobia because of it. I had to adapt to a new life that I'm going to live. From working out to have a toned body to studying until midnight for an exam.
Sometimes I think, what if I didn't quit modeling? What if I would give it a second chance? I'm struggling with my studies and sometimes I just want to quit. In modeling, I get paid even if it's hard. But in med school? I get tons of workloads, being stressed out, and not taking care of myself is the return.
I know this kind of thinking is just temporary. My life and sacrifices would pay off when I finish studying for a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine. All of the things that Modelling has offered me will be offered to me in a different way of being a veterinarian someday. From walking on the runway to walking inside the clinics and medical missions.
Not a lot of people get to decide for themselves. Sometimes they are governed by the people around them. It sucks but we can't just leave a situation wherein we are not fully capable of providing for ourselves. Let me remind you that whatever your decision will be, it should always be towards your self-growth/self-improvement. Don't let other people bring you down.
No one has the right to touch someone if they weren't permitted them. Their body, their life. Indeed, models get sexually harassed in their works. I have been sexually harassed by a workmate before and it was very unpleasant. Crossing personal boundaries and not respecting what other people might feel. If you have gone through this, I hope your wound is healing well. *Hugs*
Also, I just want to say that this is just a dream. I am finally awake. Hahaha. Though some of the events that I mentioned are true about me. Conclude to yourself whether what is true and just made-ups. I am also serious in some of the areas that I mentioned.
I may not interact with you like how I used to, but I am updated about the title of your articles. I can't want to interact with all of you again especially with the Noiseristificationism Members.
Hang in there bud, we will get through this! Don't hesitate to message me if you need someone to talk to. You matter. You are valid. You are love.
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