Monday, June 13th 2022.

Journal 001.
The wake of recent events

During the past week I wallowed in despair, guilt, and regret. Some things have a way of disturbing the stillness you tried so hard to protect - like, after doing whatever you can to stay sane; Life throws a punch and before you know it you've fallen flat on your back.

I wasn't sure I'd return, because I never wanted to write here anymore. In a way, i stopped writing altogether. I didn't read the books I got, because I was too busy feeling too much. I just switched off.

I wanted to give up on a LOT of things. For a while there, It seemed like my heart wasn't made to contain any heartache, cos I felt like the more I sank in the depths of my own thoughts, the more difficult it was.

I was tired, and i told myself I needed a break from it all.

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The burden was heavy, and it's resulting effect on my sanity was overwhelming, so to speak. It's never easy to loose someone you care about.

What's even more worse is the fact that after everything, in a long while, the memories of these people would begin to fade like a gust of dry wind blowing on a desert land. They'll efface from your thoughts, and in that moment, you realise all that remains is oblivion. It was frustrating, and quite sad, really, how these things happen.

How, when we want to feel disheartened, and utterly despondent, the mind works ways to shift our attention to something else. It was strange.

I wondered if it was some sort of mechanism that's been set up inside to deny us from shutting down?

Or, perhaps, I have gotten numb to feeling a pain that should've lingered instead.

Will I ever know?

All of this happened in a week.

Deciding to Feel Better

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Maybe it's not too bad to care so much for someone that when they eventually leave us, at some point, we remember their impressions, words and impact in our lives.

One could say, perhaps, the negativity kind of steered me to a path, a promising one. Because I can go back to my books now. I didn't want to psyche myself into thinking only the bad things exist in this world, because there's good out here too. It does exist.

I prolly should resume my Amazon KDP video lessons. It's a good start. Although for now, I am abreast with only the minor details... downloading more YouTube videos would go a long way. I saw a post on my status that encourages beginners to pay for Mentorship and Tutoring if ever we wanted lasting success. It was sweet and all, but then I'm only making do with what I can afford. :D

Writer's Note

That ends it, then. I apologize for ranting about my issues. I didn't know how I could resume with all the engagements, and interactions amongst the rest... :)

Appreciate you for being here.

Thank you for reading.

Sayonara.

💐