Every day it seems I am meeting my waterloo. Doing the right things at the right time is always a struggle. Now I perfectly understand why they say the battle is never-ending because it isn't.

Every day, I wake up to the urge to laze the day away.

"Not again," I keep on shouting.

Every day I keep telling myself that tomorrow would be better. Maybe I just saying this to console myself and not to give up.

But time waits for no man.

"Start now," but no,

"I am too exhausted," I keep telling myself.

"I can make amends next week," I often iterated to myself.

Then a new week starts, the beginning is always with high hopes and optimism, and then it begins to derail like a doomed train.

"Again!" I cried as I lament about the wasted week.

I will reply,

"I try again next week or tomorrow."

A cycle

But in reality, I am just tired of repeating this cycle it seems I am not making headways, it seems I am just living and not existing. That's scary.

How do I deal with thoughts like these or situations? It seems I can't get past the pain and anguish I am experiencing.

I don't want to go down like Napoleon Bonaparte, who went down after the battle at waterloo.

I want to keep on fighting and achieve victories like Alexander the Great who conquered every territory on his path until he breathe his last.

One more chance

Every day I wish I can improve in every aspect but they seem like wishes. No, I don't want wishes rather I want changes and improvement. I try to keep pushing every day, but most new days start on the wrong foot I don't just know why.

I often hear that starting today isn't late but every today has turned to yesterday and every tomorrow has turned to today.

Gosh! It seems I am running out of time. Is it too late to make amend is it too late? Start doing everything right. Can I fix everything at once?

Oh, I should know better, it is often said that we should take one step at a time, but I'm tired of trekking because It seems I am not moving when compared to others. Oh, it said that we shouldn't compare. Yes, I know.

But what should I do when I see the accolades flying to different people around me? And yet I haven't been able to move a block. Oh, worrying doesn't solve anything, yes I know that.

But what do you do, when your chest is inflated with worries already? How do I deflate the worries in my mind? How do I make myself go to bed with a smile and say,

"oh today was great and I know tomorrow would be better."

Maybe I am too skeptical of myself and the person I see in the mirror. Maybe I should stop seeking solace and rather start building my own roof where I can rest my head.

How do I build a roof when there are no building materials around? How do I expect people to believe in me when I don't believe in myself?

Oh boy, I don't know what to say any further. I think I should give the next day a trial, until then I'm not giving up.

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Tomi-Ajax

Still the same username and the same profile picture.

I'm sorry, that lately I haven't been able to read or visit your post. Pardon me and thank you for always reading

Lead image by Elijah Hiett on Unsplash