Unconditional Love

Hi awesome people! On my previous article I tackled about my Kind of holding on to something good that is going to happen on my journey here. I hope you bear with me as I share to you my unconditional love to my father. What kind of parents do you have, were they authoritarian or authoritative type of parents? Do you love them in spite of what kind of parents they are? Do you think of helping them when you grew up? What maybe the feeling of losing them?

Pain. We had different pain: physical or emotional. Every so often, we tend to feel it to remind us that we are still breathing.

I had experienced pain and grief when my father left us. All my life I have been doing my best trying to prove my dad that I am a good daughter, as well as in academic, I can graduate to college and find a good job to be lifted them out of poverty.

I become that person because that's what I've felt they way he talked to me and treat me like. Despite his authoritarian parenting I really do love him so much. I know and understand where he is coming from, what are those sacrifices he had taken for us.

December 2019, when I passed the licensure exam for teachers. I was employed a month prior to that. On my first pay, though I have bills to pay, debt to pay(debt I had for expenses to get a job in the city coz the money my parents gave me isn't enough), I still give them financial support. I never think of my own desires.

In the next year, in October 2020 after his birthday, he was hospitalized for almost a month. I was so concerned about him. I can't even go home due to the pandemic and due to the expenses I had to deduct from my salary. I'm thinking about giving them the money instead of me going home.

2021 has come. When quarantine was lifted, I hastily packed my things and go home. I was working from home. I was able to take care of him and our youngest sibling. Everyday I witness his sufferings. Mom had to take him a bath every other two days because he can't bath himself. He had hiccups from time to time. His gums is bleeding. It was so painful and heart breaking seeing him like that. Every single day, I have these questions on my mind: " what if we lost him? I can't lost my father", " I do not know what to do if that will happen", "what will happen to us? ".

Then, my most scariest time has come. He Left us💔😭 I always pray to God to give him long life. He only gave me one year and 8 months to pay off his sacrifices to me. Yes, he was an authoritarian father, a drunkard and a gambler person but I love him so much. He may not be the best father in the world. He's not perfect nor an ideal type of father but he is my everything. I drew my strength from him. But I can't now, he's gone.

Though we can hardly see papa at home, we have bondings that we can never forget. I missed tickling him, and teasing him like "he's ugly, he had an uneven teeth and anything.

Papa hurts me a lot before thru words and actions. I get easily hurt by him. He was harsh at me sometimes but I know he cared for me so much.

I only have few friends who visited me at home coz he doesn't like me to hang out with them and bring me to anywhere else. I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend until I get a job. We had argued multiple times, yet I regret it.

I always pray to God that I hope my papa is with him now, happy and comfortable. I missed him so much.

To those who still have a father treasure them, love them, express your love to them every single day while they are still alive coz once you lost them you can't do it anymore.

There are so many things I want to give to him, words I need to say but I can't now. The love I've shown to him isn't enough on how much he really mean to me.

I love you, papa😭❤️🙏

That's all for today. I'm crying while writing this article. I can't help it. I write this article because I missed so much.

Have a good one awesome poeple.

I'm looking forward to reading your comments below. Spread the love.

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