Too good to be true

Has anyone told you that you are too good for them? Or having someone in your life that you feel too good for you? In life there are circumstances that we encounter people who are too good for us, and there are also times that we are still not enough even we are giving our best for them.

I was in my first year college when I meet Kevin. He is a college student too, but from different school and different course. I was an education student and he is a criminology. We meet because of a common friend. Sheila is a close friend of mine that introduced me to Kevin through phone call. Sheila teased me because Kevin likes to asked my number. I give her my permission and he texted me immediately.

We get to know each other. And we became close. He became my confidant and I became his favorite to tease. Whenever I get mad, he always give me some sweet corny jokes to made me laugh, and he is successful every single time. I became her special person, that's what he told me, when I greeted him in his birthday at exactly 12 MN. He had no idea that I could remember his birthday and would surprise him, by calling and greeting him. He told me no one had ever done that to him, even exes and family members.

From there on we became more than friends. No! Not what you have in mind. We are not in a relationship but I guess that's where we going. We had constant communication. From morning greetings to late night talks. I have known few things about him. He is supporting himself in his study. He work in his spare time in a fast food chain. He is in his third year in his criminology course. He stopped his study 2 years ago and work for the family. He got addicted to drugs when he was 18 years old. He got in rehabilitation and was able to get out from addiction and started new life and move on trying to forget the past. He meet different girls. If I am not wrong he had a total of sixteen woman in her life. After knowing all those things, he asked me if I would continue to befriend him. Of course I said yes, it was all in the past and he is trying to move on and change. Then he asked me, what if he will court me would I accept him? I was silent that moment and couldn't answer. I don't know what to say. I have lost my words. Then he break the silence with a loud laugh, and told me he's kidding. I still didn't responded and chose to end the conversation. I texted him I will sleep, but I know I couldn't sleep that night. I just made an excuse. I know I am not that naive and dumb to not know what our silent wishes. Actions speak louder than words, as they all say. And I am not hypocrite to deny that I am not into him.

Few months later, we decided to finally met in person. I was happy and excited of his announcement and he asked me if I am vacant on Friday afternoon. I remember how I lied to him that I am, but the truth was I cut my class. That's how eager I am to finally met him. We met in the beach near in our boarding house. He traveled distance just to met me and it added up my happiness. I feel so special. He was seating under the tree near the shore, I know it's him because I asked him the color of his shirt before going there. Looking in his back, I could tell he is a good lucking guy. He is so neat with his white polo shirt and black pants. He has a white shirt that add his white complexion. I was hesitant at first if I will approach him. I was as cold as ice and shivering from nervousness. You can't blame me. It is my first time meeting someone, alone . I don't know him fully, plus I was scared if someone saw me out when infact I had a class supposedly. My phone rang, and I got surprised. He called me, as I answer the phone I looked at him he was now facing me, looking at me, waiting if I would answer my phone to confirmed it was really me he is waiting. I answered the phone and composed myself. I need to hide all the mixed emotions I have felt. I walked towards him and giving my smile in response to his. We talked a lot that time and became comfortable with each other. Before the sun set, and bid his goodbye. He open up again the question he asked in the phone. Afraid of losing the chance to tell him the truth and also losing him, I told him my honest response. So as him to me. And We separate ways that evening with memorable moments.

We had our smooth relationship for few months. Sweet, delicate,loving, understanding, full of hope and promises. Until one day, I wake up with a fact that he left me. Without any words, without knowing the reason why. He just left me hanging. He left me with so many questions in my mind, asking "what happened?" "What is wrong?" " What did I do?" He never contacted me. I never seen him even his shadow. He never even say a word. Months passed and I survived. I continue life without him. Life is like that, it will still continue even with the storm. First year ended with painful memories. I came home with broken heart. It was 2 months when Kevin left with no trace. And it was on that same month he contacted again. I was so furious, I was in pain, what more he would expect? Wow, just wow. After I had struggling myself to move on and finally did it, he will come again? He had no shame.

He asked me to listen, at least if I could no longer forgive him. He told the most painful word to me "You are too good for me and I don't deserve it". He told me he is not meant for me because he has dark past. And that he might just hurt me. Yes, he hurt me because he left me like a rug and come back whenever he wanted. I told him that he had no right to tell me who is good for me and not. I chose him that meant he is good for me too. I accepted him for who he is and loved him despite all his dark past, and what did he done in return? He broke my trust and wasted it. Broke my heart and left me hanging. Now that I move on he have nothing to return. I ended the conversation without forgiving him.

I believed it was just an excused. I know he found a new girl and that he just dumped me because of that. I was not that naive. Maybe I was for trusting him and loving him but I was a totally different person than the one he left. I already move on. Life is like that, you need to raise after you fall and sometimes your best is not enough to make people stay.

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