Are you also one of the billion people in this world who have experienced internet love? Well, I am. Let me share to you one of my most unforgettable internet love way back year 2017 when I was still a 15 years old.

I was still in my 8th grade during the time and I have created a fake account where I can totally be me. I have created a pseudonym "Loreen Grahams" where I can totally be different from who I am in the real world. I am a big fan of Lily Collins during that time so I have borrowed her pictures temporarily. To tell you, I am not proud of who I am before and I do not like to take pictures of myself. I find myself ugly and I tend to compare myself to others.

Everyday I spend my time on that account and I met a lot of different people online. All of the people I met are across the globe. I have enjoyed my company there as I started to learn about the cultures of others. It feels like I am already travelling the world because everytime I talk to different strangers, they always share a glimpse of their life.

Until one day my life change

I'm just a bored teenager at home and I only do nothing but to scroll in my phone 24/7. Until one day, an unknown guy chatted me saying "Hello." At first, I don't like to reply but I decided to reply with "Hey too." I cannot remember our first conversation anymore but I remember on the second day he have sent me a photo of his homework. It was an algebraic mathematical graph. He asked me if I knew how to solve it. I felt embarrassed because I'm dumb and I suck at the subject Math so I told him no, I don't know how. He is actually a nice guy and he is a very friendly person.

I did not expect that we would be talking everyday. His name is Mevlut and it sounds unique to me but it's a common name in their country. He is from Albania and he is one year older than me. I am 15 while he is 16 and I can see the difference between the two of us, he is very responsible at such a young age while I am very immature at my age.

He used to call me 'sis' and I don't know where he got that name but I assumed it's a shortcut from the word 'sister.' I also call him 'bro' as a shortcut for brother. One thing I really noticed about him is that no matter how busy he was, he never failed to reply to me and he apologized everytime his replies were late. He once told me that his eyes are the color "green" and it's the most unique combination of eyes in this world and it's only rare. I couldn't believe it because having a green eyes seemed impossible until he send me a photo of his eyes and they are indeed green. I don't know if he is telling me the truth.

Until one day, he asked me to send a photo but I did not reply. I did not reply because I'm only using the photos of Lily Collins and I am very ashamed to show to him my real photo. I know he is quite disappointed because I never sent him a photo of myself. He keeps sending me a photos of him while he never saw my face. Even though like that, it didn't hinder for us to become closer. I didn't know that he is already treating me as a best friend even though we have never met in real life and he keeps on sending me quotes about bestfriends and friendship. I really find it sweet and I feel my heart beats special.

He once asked me if what is my dream in life and I told him I wanted to become a teacher. I asked him the same question and he told me he wanted to become a pilot and one day we will meet each other. He said he will tour me in different places across the world. Again, my heart beats twice and everyday I always smile. My mother can even see that.

Even when I am at the school, we were still chatting and I told my classmates about him. They were amazed because I have been so close to the person I have never met. One of my classmate even asked 'Do you love him?' I didn't expect her question and I answered no. My classmate asked another question again 'Is he a gay? If he is not then why he doesn't have any girlfriend yet and he loves to do dishwashing.' I don't know why my classmates has so many questions but one thing I know from bro, he is very friendly, kind and hard-working person.

He said I would be the reason for him to believe in God

There was a time where he asked me whether I believe in God and I replied yes I do believe. He then told me that he doesn't believe and he said we don't need God when we need job because we are the ones who will try our best. He told me if God is real then why do there are a lot of African children suffering in hunger. I have then replied to him, bro I don't want to see you in hell. I don't want you to go to hell just because you don't believe in God. He then replied, if there's any reason that I would believe in God then it's because of you. During that time, I feel the loud beating of my own heart beat.

One of the most unforgettable message I received from him

It was night and we were watching a Moana movie with my family and even though we're on the middle of the movie marathon, I'm still chatting with him. He was on his way to school during that time and he said good bye as he is going to drive to school. I told him to keep safe and I didn't expect that I would receive an 'I love' from him. He didn't continue the message. I ask him what does it mean? And he answered he love driving cars and told me to forget about what he said. But deep inside in my heart, I know what it means. That night, I cannot sleep anymore. I think I had totally fallen in love and he too.

Until the day came where everything started to change

Until one day everything seems to change. He doesn't reply to my chats as often anymore and I am hurt everytime he leave me on seen. It feels like he betrayed me. I have created a different account and I texted him using that new account. I said hello and he replied to it. I am very angry to him because he is ignoring me. While I'm chatting him using that new account, I told him I have a best friend who is ignoring me and it is hurting me. He then replies with a meme 'Sometimes holding on hurts rather than letting go.' I am very hurt by the quote he sent to me. I then replied with, 'I wish he will go to hell and I don't want to see him anymore.' He then replied with a message 'You know, no matter what will happen, I will never tell my best friend to go to hell.' After I have received that message, I instantly regret everything I said. He is really a good and kind person.

One day, he asked me about my pictures again. He asked me why I didn't answer his question last time. I am very guilty because I am hiding my real identity from him. He is very kind and I don't want to lie to him anymore. I told him, "I have something to tell you and I hope you won't judge me."

He told me if it was about his question regarding to my pictures. I told him that I am so sorry because I am not the girl in the picture. He was sad and disappointed because I lied to him. He told me that I broke his trust and I had hurt him because I was a liar. After that, he had blocked me and that's how our friendship and connections ended. I tried to message him using my other account and I told him, "Hey, it's me your sis! I hope you will forgive me." But sadly he didn't. He told me he doesn't like liar people.

It hurts that my internet love gone wrong. If I didn't use a different photo at that time, if I didn't hide my identity, if I didn't use a different profile, do you think we would still be friends until now?

If you would ask me if there's a song that reminds me of him, yes there is. It's the song of Taylor Swift - 'I'd lie.'

June 29, 2022

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