Overcoming Shame

Are you now feeling ashamed or have you ever experienced shame? I would say that we all have had some experiences where we felt ashamed, because it is natural for us mere mortals to have said or done something we should not have, or accidentally did, or even thought about.

Shame is defined as disappointment or regret. These two emotions cause us to distance ourselves from other people. However, most of the time when we say or so something we should not have done, we want to slither away and be alone to suffer, because we are embarrassed of the way we revealed our true self. Our pride has been hurt and we seek solace in things that mask our damaged pride and shame.

Psychology's remedy for shame

The school of #psychology teaches that, "Shame is defined as a self-critical emotion, according to which individuals display a negative consideration of themselves" (Redaelli, 2020).

Lamia (2011) states that "Shame is a clear signal that our positive feelings have been interrupted."

Lamia goes on to say that "Self-observation that is often prompted by shame, and felt as regret, provides an opportunity to learn, change, improve, or do something differently the next time around" (2011).

Unfortunately, many of us do not change right away and some of us never change. We become stuck in a never ending cycle where we refuse to deal with our shame. But the good news is that there is a fix, a true remedy!

Greek definition of ashamed

Epaischunomai is the English transliteration of the Greek word ἐπαισχύνομαι, which the Apostle Paul used in his epistle (letter) to the Romans. Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit (God-breathed) wrote: "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile" (Romans 1:16, NIV).

Why did Paul write that line? Obviously, there were many in Rome who were ashamed. Therefore, they has distanced themselves from the good news of the gospel.

Peter's shame

We read in the gospel (good news) of Matthew the following:

“Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard, and a servant-girl came to him and said, 'You too were with Jesus the Galilean. But he denied it before them all, saying, 'I do not know what you are talking about. When he had gone out to the gateway, another servant-girl saw him and said to those who were there, 'This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.' And again he denied it with an oath, 'I do not know the man.' A little later the bystanders came up and said to Peter, 'Surely you too are one of them; for even the way you talk gives you away.' Then he began to curse and swear, 'I do not know the man!” And immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word which Jesus had said, “Before a rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly" (Matthew 26:69-75).

Did you catch Peter's behavior? He cursed and swore. I've done this and felt shame, too. My old ways were bitter and I cursed one time in front of a person who I immediately found out was a Christian. I wanted to run away and hide!

Well, Peter did the same thing. Look again: he went out. This is to say that he distanced himself from the crowd. Yes, he likely was fearful that he, too, would be put to death by the Sanhedrin, like His master, Jesus. But the point is that he was ashamed of Jesus. And what does Jesus say about this?

"If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels" (Mark 8:38, NIV).

In short, if we are ashamed of Jesus and His gospel message of salvation, we will wind up in an eternal separation from God in the lake of fire, blotted out from the book of life.

We read: "And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.

Brief history of shame

Do you recall when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden and ate the forbidden fruit?

What did they do about their shame? They realized they were naked and hid (distanced) themselves from God! Like Adam and Eve, we too have hidden in the wrong places. Our inherent pride causes us to run away and hide.

But God had a remedy for the shame Adam and Eve experienced. And He has a remedy for us, too.

God's remedy for shame

God's word provides us with the solution to shame brought about by our pride: Jesus. His death on the cross and His resurrection is the only remedy for the shame we experience over our grievous sins.

So how do we avail of this remedy? Rather than hiding behind our computers, in our rooms and elsewhere, we come to the throne of grace. There, we confess our sins to God the Father and repent of our errant ways which are direct violations of His just commands.

We place our trust (belief) that Jesus, Who was sinless, died in our well-deserved place for our sins. Paul said it better when he wrote:

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21, NIV).

To avail of this remedy, I encourage you to read my previous post here:

https://read.cash/@Scotty17/what-is-the-meaning-of-true-discipleship-e67be071

May the Spirit of God penetrate the hardness of you heart and bring us all to Him alone who is able to save.

References

Lamia, M. C. (2011). Shame: A concealed, contagious, and dangerous emotion. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201104/shame-concealed-contagious-and-dangerous-emotion

Redaelli, S. (2020). The psychology of shame. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sonnet-freud/202009/the-psychology-shame