My bestfriend I called “Mama”

A tribute to mama.

Ahhh! Its such a comforting sense of belonging to have her around each day. Never actually thought that I am already at the point where she is gone! Oh! How I missed her!

I used to be dumb-headed whenever I hear people revere their mom. Saying that “you are lucky you still have your mom” speech and all that. However, now she is gone… well… she is truly gone.

Growing Up.

I had always been a misfit growing up. Being criticized that my mind had aged before my time. Well, I really can’t blame myself for that because I seemed to be with my mom always and almost all of the time if I was at home. Doing what? Doing almost anything with her, from household chores to making money out of thin air? Well, were not well off and still not well off as of this writing, lolz… we had to find ways to earn. And true to it, we did. Mom was not really a cook. She spent 15 years working as a secretary and became an instant housewife because she decided to marry papa… hahaha! I can’t imagine how frustrating that was for her when she hated to be at home all the time. It was like prison to her. “Maboang si mama kun sa balay lang”, - oh! How do I translate this to English… hmmm… sounded like this, mama gets crazy if shed stay all day in the house. Some kinda tone like that… hahaha!

Wow! Mama really suffered tremendously, like a shattered glass that she really had to pick herself up everytime she crumbles into pieces… and it was almost like that everyday. I could still remember how she was when panic attacks was around the corner. Like that very hot day at noon, that we would all go (5 children), dragging everyone to the park, just to breathe… bringing with us a vacuum flask, and mom, all packed up, -wearing a sweater and a knitted coat. Like you would wander why she was all dressed up like that, good if the weather was bad but it was hot!, for crying out loud. And with a vacuum flask? What would she do with the vacuum flask? Well, what would you do with a vacuum flask those days? Drink hot water of course… but on a hot noon time? Pretty much of a question.

Remembering those days! Mama laughed with us. Hmmm, along the way… her journey… I guessed she healed from her brokenness as she got older.

Being with her.

Mama was… hahaha! I don’t know, just allow me to describe her. My siblings complained about me always with mama but that wasn’t really true. Circumstance placed me there.  My siblings wanted to be with her but she was a perfectionist. At first all of them would entertain mama with their stories and all, in a while, they all started fleeing… I really don’t know why… another times, they were all willing to help her but after a while everyone was struggling to get out and escape. Well, I didn’t do both, so I was left to be with mama again and finish what everyone else started.

Actually, found it amusing knowing how I stayed there for far too long. Reflecting, yeah, I stayed because I couldn’t find myself leaving her when everyone else left!

Memories…

Hmmmm… oh no! I’d be sharing this… we used to laugh at things she did. Like, when we rented a house with 4 tamarind trees. As already mentioned, we were finding ways to earn. So she commissioned our neighbor to harvest the tamarind fruits so she we can cook it and make tamarindo candy out of it or sell the tamarind per kilo. Oh! The tamarind is not the funny story, but it was the one she commissioned. The nephew of that guy we call “dungkot”, he was around the premise and doing something mama didn’t like or approve. So mama told him to stop, but “dungkot” was adamant and wouldn’t listen. Mama said like, “dika mo undang? Gukdon taka ug sundang…” (u wont stop? I will chase you with a tip bolo)… and “dungkot” replied: “gukda!” (chase me!)… well, mama picked up the bolo and went off and chase “dungkot”… and the boy actually ran off with mama chasing him with that on her hand. After the chase, she laughed because the boy ran off scared… and we all know it was just a joke, we all laughed but poor “dungkot” nahadlok intawn (scared off).

Ohhh! Another memory… same place. Hahaha! Mama was pissed with all the ducks coming into our lawn. She was so pissed that she led 3 ducks into the house and made them all baked patutin… hihihi! The owners never knew where those ducks went and what became of them, “baked patutin”… hahaha! Oh! When mama jokes… never mind…

Revering mama…

I don’t want to go there… revering mama only because… if mama were here, it would have been… the what ifs… I don’t want it to be just that… I want to remember mama because mama is mama… simply because she is my mom and no one in the world can take that away from me. And no one can ever replace her, the memories we shared, the laughs and cries. Cherishing, every moment we had is precious to me. That spending time with her is as important as eating a meal or sleeping, and simply not an obligation. I don’t want to go there, crying because she is dead. I didn’t want to just recall those times and failed to spend time with her. I wouldn’t want to go there and thank God I didn’t have to. No, I thank God for making me stay when all of my siblings ran away.

I don’t want to go babbling I love mama so much but ran away from her. Professing love for mama to all my friends when I was never around to care for her! I wouldn’t want to end up asking myself where were I when mama asked for me? I thank God I was just around during those times but… mama was sick and everyone else flees back to her side and cried when she went on coma. I wander how that was… crying when mama couldn’t see you cry anymore nor hear you say I love you. I already started backing off, letting them care for mama when they all came home. Oh! How mama accommodated those tears, she fought, struggle to come back but her body has deteriorated so much. Oh! Mothers are such! Dragons, hellfire and totally and exceptionally amazing! …

Hmmm… If your mom is still with you. Let her know what she means to you. Let her feel that you love her. For you can never let her know and feel when she is dead. Spend time with her like tomorrow will never come. Call her when your afar! Make sure she knows you are safe for she never stopped worrying about you.

If she invades your privacy, give her mama allowance like you give friendship allowances to those friend who did you wrong. Now that im a mom of two boys... Invading my children’s privacy is really my business so they suck it up, whether they like it or not, I am committed to my role. lolz Oh! My boys already know this, and already had activated mama allowance, so they are quite accustomed to it by now…

This is just me, missing mama! But it really more like telling you, its not too late. Let her know. It’s not because she deserves it to for all her sacrifices… she is just mom u know. Someone we have, no matter what.

Again, thank u for your time. Till next time.