Where to Next?

I always ask "Where to Next" when I plan with my friends the next adventures we will be taking. Like after Abra, where to next? After Pangasinan, where to next? After this, where to next?

I never thought I would need to ask it on a regular day.

I guess this is one way to be reminded that everyday is an adventure. Not exactly the ideal adventure I have in mind : trees, beaches, adrenaline rush, etcetera but an adventure still. I mean I know it. I wake up with that mindset but somehow the drive to enjoy the adventure gets lost in the middle of the day with the reality. It is kind of hard to mesh together the adventure in my head and the real adventure ahead.

July 13th of the year of the weirdest days ever...

I woke up apprehensive today.

I greeted everyone a good morning and spoke to myself of blessings of good day. I had in my head an echo of yesterday's backlog at work. The thing that I cannot get to work is replaying in my head in flashbacks so maddening it starts to drip poison of doubt in my heart. I left my work laptop last night with the white flag slowly going up on top of my defense tower. My defenses against self-doubt were slowly giving in.

I had a small chat with a colleague regarding our current situation, how we feel about it, and assessing our options. I have always been brave placed in situations like this. Or at least for the dozen times that I got through alive and standing, I should at least be more than confident in facing this wall and assessing if it is superficial or real.

But I think the playing field changed somehow and I am navigating a different terrain - both inside me and outside.

Worry is not a forte I would like to go back remastering.

God has for a long time has been showing up at the eleventh hour saving me each time - from myself. And I am in the process of learning to trade worry for worship.

So after getting myself off the bed, logging in again or tapping the mouse since I did not really turn off my work laptop, I reconnected to the network. Then I prepared my coffee and ate breakfast with my folks.

The conversation was a good up lifter. I had a moment to recount with them how God has taken me from point A to point B.

Point A being a long time ago.

Point A being that me aiming for this certain ideal organization (young ones and their idealistic tendencies).

Point A being that me not getting it (the spoiled brat gets a "no").

Point A being that learning curve of trusting God and entrusting Him my plans and dreams (the "God shelf" as Bloghound would put it.. no not tagging her at the moment because Happyboy, not tagging him, too.. reminded me not to abuse that tagging lols).

Point A being that refining of my ideals and eye-opener that though Point B may seem ideal, this alley is the best route - off the beaten path and full of adventures which my Maker knows what my heart really desires.

Point A leading me to Point B - the now..

Point B being that I am in that ideal organization I was aiming for a long time ago without much effort. Hurray! <<insert slow motion dramatic fist pump>> The process was like waking up and boom I am there. Without much effort but requires a lot of work - two different things, right?

This truth still stands: His delays are always my protection.

Point B being that I got introduced to noise and read - a surprisingly balancer of my thoughts. More than the BCH that goes with it (because months after I honestly still am navigating everything crypto. I am rather slow.), the virtual friendship and the temporary escape they provide with their writeups. (sending virtual high fives to everyone)

Anyhow, that conversation lifted me up a bit. Reminded me that I am okay with this path I am on. Again,

the God who brought me before Point A, and through Point A to Point B is still at work.

My troubled heart got to smile a bit.

Then I walked outside to my little garden of monster plants to check on them and also get a bit of sunshine and morning breeze. Since I was out early, I got to see the flowers blooming. That made me smile again and my heart excited even more. Seeing the flowers bloom and my plants healthy I got reminded that life is more than that thing that I am worried about.

It is just one dot in the big palette of artwork that God is painting.

I also checked on the flower stalks and the drying buds. Those drying buds, they contain new life - the seeds. Which I can just shake off on the small plant pot next to it and it will soon bring new healthy plants.

Yep, this drying and seemingly disheartening situation will only bring me new life ahead. I just need to be dried just about right and shaken too. Maybe I am just in the process of getting to the spot to start something new. Maybe I am placed in this exact position right here with the view of things that matter and things that do not matter to put myself in the position of acceptance.

Then the next process would be to see the options and move toward one. Maybe I am getting tired of jogging in place.

Or maybe it is only now that I have seen and accepted that I am jogging in place.

If I start to move am I facing the right direction?

Hmm..

So, Lord... where to next?

How is everyone's Tuesday?

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