People commit offenses and make mistakes. They forget to say "I'm sorry" and then they wonder why it's so hard to win back their trust. Many social science experiments show, how people do not apologize, when they make a mistake, even when they realize their mistake and want to correct it. People prefer making excuses for their mistakes, because it makes them feel superior and not easily scorned. When someone is trying to apologize, but it goes wrong, it can have serious consequences.
It's not always easy for people to apologize, when an error is made. But apologizing when you know it's necessary is an important skill to have. Do you find yourself in the midst of an apology only to find it digressed? Do you start to lose your voice after you say "I'm sorry?" Here's the frustrating issue for many people, when they learn they've hurt someone they care about through their behavior: when they try to apologize, their apology feels wrong, so they stop apologizing at all. This is a problem of misaligned intentions, not actions.
A Desire To Not Make Peace
Most people want to make peace with others, but some people have a desire to not make peace. They feel justified in continuing their former way of behaving and they want everyone else to see things their way. In other words, they don't want to make peace, because they don't feel it's necessary. Some people are so focused on not apologizing, that they don't consider why their actions may be hurting someone else. If you are one of these people, then you have chosen to make this issue into a fight. The unfortunate thing is that when you do not make peace, your intentions may not be aligned with your actions. You may not be fully aware of the damage you are causing. Even worse, you may not care.
Lack Of Consequences
Consequences are important. Without them, people may continue on a course of action, even when it is wrong. But consequences need to be real and they need to be fair. They also need to be based on the facts. Unfortunately, the facts may not be on your side sometimes. Some people refuse to acknowledge, that they are wrong, because it is easier that way. Some people will try to convince you, that you are wrong without ever really addressing the facts of the situation. Others will attack your reasons for being right, ignoring the facts altogether. In these cases, the only way to remedy the situation is to make sure, that the consequences are fair, but that you still hold the upper hand.
An Exaggerated Apology: Not Being Sincere
An exaggerated apology is one of the more frustrating things a person can give in response to being wronged. A sincere apology, even one accompanied by a demonstration of remorse, goes a long way in mending a relationship. But an exaggerated apology merely convinces the offended party, that you are not being sincere. At some point, an apology has to be enough. The offended party has to stop caring, at least momentarily. And that is often the hardest part of all.
Lack Of Humility
Humility is a difficult concept for some people to comprehend. It's easy to be humble, when you have done nothing wrong, but when you have been wronged, humility can be a problem. The arrogant tend to think they are smarter and better than others, while the prideful tend to think they are better, than the situation and their past mistakes. Neither of them are usually right. But arrogance is always a bad idea, because it leads to overconfidence. When you combine that with pride, you get arrogance and when you combine arrogance with confidence, you get a dangerous individual, who is both arrogant and confident. The end result is almost never worth it.
Lack Of Sympathy
Humility is inextricably linked to sympathy. You need to have sympathy for the other person before you can be humble. Confidence and pride may come into play as well, but a high opinion of yourself will always hinder your ability to be humble. There is no room for such things in the development of a healthy personality. So, if you believe you have some special qualities, that the other person doesn't, then you won't be able to show the proper amount of humility. They will think, that you are putting them on a level with yourself instead of looking at the situation just as they are and that will lead to a lack of trust.
A Sense Of Responsibility
Sometimes people will make mistakes and they will try to make themselves feel better by transferring blame. This of course is a very bad idea. People will tend to see right through it, and the perpetrator may end up feeling bad, but the person that was wronged will almost always be the one to suffer the consequences. It is the unfortunate thing about life. Even when you do everything you can to avoid it, it will find you. It may be a small price to pay, but you will still pay it. The question is whether or not you are willing to live your life that way.
Low Self-Esteem
There are many situations in which making peace is the more desirable choice. But it can be hard to admit, that you are wrong. When you are certain that you are right, then it is much easier to just go your own way, but when you have to acknowledge that you are at fault, it is often easier said than done. The choice is ultimately yours. You can choose to live your life in the manner, that you have always done and suffer the consequences, or you can choose to make a different sort of life for yourself.
People with low self-esteem tend to live out their entire lives in this manner. They never really do anything, that they are not convinced is absolutely wrong and then they are convinced, that is exactly what they are doing. Making peace seems like the less risky choice at the time, but it can cause problems down the line. At some point they may have to make different sort of choices, but they will not be able to make them if they do not even consider the possibility, that they may have been wrong.
Lack Of Awareness
Awareness is one of the most important things in being able to make peace. Without it, you may do things that you will later regret. A lack of awareness is often a factor in the decisions, that people make in life. You can make decisions, that are beneficial to you based off of your own personal values and beliefs, or you can accept the values and beliefs of those around you.
But you can never truly be aware if you are unaware of the decisions, that you are making. You can look back and try to justify your life, but that will always be futile if you never bothered to examine your own motives and beliefs in the first place. When it comes to making peace, it is important to remember, that you are going to have to examine yourself before you can be accepted by those around you and without an acknowledgement of that, you will not be able to make peace.
Stubbornness
Stubbornness is a quality, that people tend to desire in others, but more often than not, it is a detriment to a person's well being. A good portion of what is seen as stubbornness is simply a lack of conformity. When you are not able to accept, that which is different, then that which is different offends you. When you are not willing to consider that which is different, then that which is different cannot exist.
When you are unwilling to change, then you are doomed to an existence of failure. You have to be open to the idea, that you may be wrong, but not so much that you allow yourself to be blinded by new ideas, or fall victim to peer pressure, because that is often what happens when people are stubborn.
People with stubbornness tend to want to do things their own way, even if that way is wrong. They tend to believe, that they are right and everyone else is wrong and in some cases, they are both right and wrong. The end result is an inability to be in peace with anyone.
Arrogant people are incapable of apologizing.