Mutual Help Is Needed.
Yes, I'm back again with my relationship talk. I've seen a lot and heard a lot of weird thoughts people have when it comes to marriage. I also find it shocking that some parents train their children only to have the thought about marriage without teaching them what it entails.
Being married requires a lot of sacrifices and if you are to be valued in it, you must add value too. That's why you see a lot of people ask "What do you bring to the table?". Some people have this strange idea that only the man should provide for the family and the women should only show their commitment on the bed and in the kitchen.
Most people are only groomed for marriage but not groomed for the life that it entails. Most people see the way things were with their parents and think that's how it should always be with the woman doing nothing. Aren't we supposed to learn from what failed or understand the direction the world is going right now? You need to understand the things that go with marriage and most people are contented with repeating the experiences of their parents when instead they should do what is best for themselves and their own families. If you don’t understand what marriage stands for, this is the best time to learn it. It can be taught but a lot of people would rather select what they feel they want to learn and push aside the rest.
Marriage isn’t for you if you are not ready to learn and be better at it. Marriage isn’t for those who are not mature and those who think rigidly without being open to being flexible. It hurts to see people see marriage as a goal. Marriage is okay but your purpose in life should be the goal. Don't think you will only be made perfect in marriage. If not properly checked, it would magnify your obvious flaws.
As a lady, what are you bringing to the table? It shouldn't just be the ability to give birth to children or the ability to display your cooking skills or the ability to satisfy him sexually even though I know all these I mentioned aren't easy. You have to let your value run so deep so you won't be easily displaced. You need to let him see what makes you special or different from the others. It is your ability to break away from what regular ladies can do that will make him endeared to you. The same thing goes for the man too. You shouldn't just be about your ability to last longer in bed but your ability to sustain your home, improve your wife and plan together. See it as a leadership role which you shouldn't fail at.
Most men make the mistake of falling for their secretary because you will hear them say "I don’t get that respect from my wife at home", but they have forgotten that the secretary they are gushing about is only being paid to show respect. She doesn't have the pressure your wife has in keeping the home together so it's easier for the secretary to give the respect and attention you desire. A lot of people get it so mixed up.
Marriage is a call for you to go the extra mile and understand what it means to stay in that marriage with that person. When you know the value the other person brings to the table, it would be very hard for you to look elsewhere. We all have our roles to play in a relationship.
Many years ago I had a chat with a lady and from my interactions with her, I could sense that all she wanted was to be married, be called a Mrs and she has no plan for herself or what to do with herself in that marriage. She just wants to be "claimed" and nothing more. I told her my mind and I know it didn't sit down well with her because she just wants a life of ease of being cared for while she raises children. Raising children is a lot of hard work, I know...but the question is, what will she do for herself since she's doing this for her family?
Marriage should be a mutual effort. You are to support each other while not seeing a particular responsibility as the jurisdiction of the man or the woman. Help out in the way you can even if certain things were tailor-made for a particular gender. This lady I spoke with told me that the groom is the one to buy the clothes for her parents. I laughed because we are from the same tribe and I've never heard of such before. I understand if the groom himself wanted it that way probably because he can afford it, but it is not to be a compulsion that he MUST get it.
I told this young lady this and she said that is how it is done in their family. Since she said it is a necessity, I had to respect it. She said even her sister’s husband did the same but because that one did it or can afford it doesn't mean others can. Marriage isn't a way to show off what your man or woman is capable of but an avenue for you to understand each other, join hands to plan ahead and not milk him dry to enrich your family because in the long run, who will suffer for it?
...to be continued...
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈
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As for me, I think it is a mutual responsibility. My partner and I are splitting the bills 50/50 and we treat each other fairly. It is about putting something in the table, together.