Mutual Help Is Needed.

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2 years ago

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Yes, I'm back again with my relationship talk. I've seen a lot and heard a lot of weird thoughts people have when it comes to marriage. I also find it shocking that some parents train their children only to have the thought about marriage without teaching them what it entails.

Being married requires a lot of sacrifices and if you are to be valued in it, you must add value too. That's why you see a lot of people ask "What do you bring to the table?". Some people have this strange idea that only the man should provide for the family and the women should only show their commitment on the bed and in the kitchen.

Most people are only groomed for marriage but not groomed for the life that it entails. Most people see the way things were with their parents and think that's how it should always be with the woman doing nothing. Aren't we supposed to learn from what failed or understand the direction the world is going right now? You need to understand the things that go with marriage and most people are contented with repeating the experiences of their parents when instead they should do what is best for themselves and their own families. If you don’t understand what marriage stands for, this is the best time to learn it. It can be taught but a lot of people would rather select what they feel they want to learn and push aside the rest.

Marriage isn’t for you if you are not ready to learn and be better at it. Marriage isn’t for those who are not mature and those who think rigidly without being open to being flexible. It hurts to see people see marriage as a goal. Marriage is okay but your purpose in life should be the goal. Don't think you will only be made perfect in marriage. If not properly checked, it would magnify your obvious flaws.

As a lady, what are you bringing to the table? It shouldn't just be the ability to give birth to children or the ability to display your cooking skills or the ability to satisfy him sexually even though I know all these I mentioned aren't easy. You have to let your value run so deep so you won't be easily displaced. You need to let him see what makes you special or different from the others. It is your ability to break away from what regular ladies can do that will make him endeared to you. The same thing goes for the man too. You shouldn't just be about your ability to last longer in bed but your ability to sustain your home, improve your wife and plan together. See it as a leadership role which you shouldn't fail at.

Most men make the mistake of falling for their secretary because you will hear them say "I don’t get that respect from my wife at home", but they have forgotten that the secretary they are gushing about is only being paid to show respect. She doesn't have the pressure your wife has in keeping the home together so it's easier for the secretary to give the respect and attention you desire. A lot of people get it so mixed up.

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Marriage is a call for you to go the extra mile and understand what it means to stay in that marriage with that person. When you know the value the other person brings to the table, it would be very hard for you to look elsewhere. We all have our roles to play in a relationship.

Many years ago I had a chat with a lady and from my interactions with her, I could sense that all she wanted was to be married, be called a Mrs and she has no plan for herself or what to do with herself in that marriage. She just wants to be "claimed" and nothing more. I told her my mind and I know it didn't sit down well with her because she just wants a life of ease of being cared for while she raises children. Raising children is a lot of hard work, I know...but the question is, what will she do for herself since she's doing this for her family?

Marriage should be a mutual effort. You are to support each other while not seeing a particular responsibility as the jurisdiction of the man or the woman. Help out in the way you can even if certain things were tailor-made for a particular gender. This lady I spoke with told me that the groom is the one to buy the clothes for her parents. I laughed because we are from the same tribe and I've never heard of such before. I understand if the groom himself wanted it that way probably because he can afford it, but it is not to be a compulsion that he MUST get it.

I told this young lady this and she said that is how it is done in their family. Since she said it is a necessity, I had to respect it. She said even her sister’s husband did the same but because that one did it or can afford it doesn't mean others can. Marriage isn't a way to show off what your man or woman is capable of but an avenue for you to understand each other, join hands to plan ahead and not milk him dry to enrich your family because in the long run, who will suffer for it?

...to be continued...

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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2 years ago

Comments

As for me, I think it is a mutual responsibility. My partner and I are splitting the bills 50/50 and we treat each other fairly. It is about putting something in the table, together.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

God bless you both. I love that kind of arrangement. It's about helping the home...growing together... Well done, my friend.

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2 years ago

For me, my husband will foot all the bills during my wedding because it's a necessity in my family too 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Many ladies have such mentality about that. At least if the groom is capable, he would and should not be pressured on him or make it a must.

I remembered when we were about to finish from school and I and my friends were complaining about the hike in gas refill then. One of my friends was like she would get married on time so her husband would be the one footing those bills.

I laughed and asked is that your reason for getting married? You won't do anything to support too? We need to remember the men too have their own lives and we shouldn't put them under pressure just because they married us.

We have to bring something to the table too and it makes the effort easier for both.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

God bless you. I know as Ijebu as you are that you are family oriented and I know you will help out your home because you know you are building it together. I'm surprised some ladies still think this way though. It's shocking and surprising at the same time. They see marriage as an avenue for them to flex and do nothing. Like you said, if the husband can afford it, fine...if not...help out in your own way. Even when the husband can afford it, life is unpredictable...use that as an avenue to establish yourself...it's so simple. Some ladies enh... It is well, my sweet KP.

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2 years ago

Hehehe! I love the first part of the sentence 😋😋

Ladies should really come to understand that marriage isn't to go and show or flaunt yourself, but to really establish your home as a good wife by what you can offer.

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2 years ago

Hahaha. Exactly... It's about bringing your value to the table and making a name for yourself too. Thanks a lot, dear.

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2 years ago

I want to be known as the next Ms. In town are many ladies wishes. They dive into marriage without getting to know what to do when it flows gently like the ocean and other times the waves it badly ashore. It is not about being married but about staying married. Always on point Mr. Square.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

It's always about staying married but sadly, most people just want to be married so badly that they don't even understand what it entails. Thank you so much, Bal...

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2 years ago

Rushing in leads to rushing out either to live another life or in death. You are welcome as always Mr. Square...

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2 years ago

Exactly...there is no point in rushing in at all because it would lead to rushing out.

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2 years ago

People who are ready for marriage should be able to know what exactly they ought to know before getting into it. Marriage isn't just a day contract that is done in a day. There are many things involve.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

A lot of things are involved and it's shocking that most people don't see things this way. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and not a day or some year's contract.

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2 years ago

honestly you really hit the nail on the head

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2 years ago

Thank you 😊

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2 years ago

u are welcome

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2 years ago

🤗🤗🤗

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2 years ago

You've really hit the nail on the head with this write-up. I wish we all can understand that marriage is way beyond what we think. It's a life time commitment so before taking that bold step we should ask ourselves if we're ready for it.

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2 years ago

Marriage can only last if both are committed to work it out. When uncertainty arises, that's the start of its fall. You need to have a prepared mind, body and soul before thinking of marriage. ~Manju

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I absolutely love this. Commitment is needed. A lot of people seek exit strategy even before they start the journey. We need to be prepared in every aspect before jumping in.

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2 years ago

Indeed, marriage is not all about needs and lust but it's also about responsibility and respect to each other. The love and care must be mutual to make it work and last. Marriage is not all about money and wealth but it's also about support and understanding. As a lady and as a wife our responsibilities is quite hard and if you aren't yet ready to do some adjustments and if you're not mature enough to enter marriage life, things may only look so complicated in your part. As a wife we have to support our husbands, the same way our husbands support us. Everything and every decision within your marriage life, will be depend between you and your husband, and not for the sake of others opinions.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

This is another beautiful and brilliant contribution. Every decision lies with the husband and the wife. It's a joint effort and they have to do what works for them. The bulk of the responsibilities lies with them and not what others think. They need to put in the work and do what's best for their family.

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2 years ago

I think books and movies have romanticized marriage so much that many people get married for the glitz and glamor of the wedding without fully understanding the work that goes into ensuring that marriage is a success. There is a lot of sacrifice and compromise and shared work that goes into building a marriage. You are correct in that neither partner should think that one area is completely the domain of the other and neither partner should think that they're married to get a complete free ride from the other. We should respect each other, as partners, and support each other in strong moments and weak, working together through kinks in the road when we come upon them. It is not enough though and it is not excusable, I don't think, to go creeping outside the marriage to find solace in the arms of another if one is not finding the satisfaction one seeks at home. I think at that point maybe, it should be time to reevaluate the contract and determine whether one is going to continue in marriage. After all, as we say in the Caribbean, you can't have the cake and eat it too. Sorry for the lengthy comment, my friend, but I loved this piece! As always.

$ 0.04
2 years ago

Your comment is beautiful...it's not just about the length but the depth, honesty and accuracy of all you said. I absolutely enjoyed it and I hope a lot of people read this too. Many people think it's all about glamour which is why they are not ready to put in their shift when reality starts setting in...that's why they think they need another comforting arms...that's why they complain and think others should do certain things and it shouldn't be them. Everyone need to understand that it's not all about glamour... A lot of parents need to inculcate this teaching. Social media and movies also paint a different narrative which makes it so hard for many to cope with reality.

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2 years ago

I really think that marriage should not be more of a business deal but more of a heart dealing. And thus I frown upon necessitating gifts. Willing gifts are okay but they shouldn't be required.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Some see marriage as a way to quickly enrich their family especially the family of the bride from this part of the world in Nigeria and it's scary. They have made it a business deal and it's shocking.

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2 years ago

That is quite horrific as family should be made by love not by money. I think people are missing the essence of marriage there.

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2 years ago

Exactly...that's it...they are missing the whole point of it.

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2 years ago

First of all a very meaningful content. In my opinion before marriage, every couple should be given a proper knowledge of this comitment. They should know the real meaning of marriage.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Thank you so much. A lot of people don't know what it entails. They just jump into it because they see everyone else getting married.

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2 years ago

Mutual respect, communication, and most importantly understanding between both parties should always be present in marriage, and also we shouldn't base or follow the traditions or belief of past genrtion or our parents when it comes to marriage, we need to be matured at all aspect, and if we know what's better to do then do it.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Thank you so much for this. You spoke my mind. I love that. Mutual respect is needed with both parties doing what's necessary.

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2 years ago

Pretty insightful. Many miss the importance of staying married. That's why a lot of relationships fail because they are only up for the bed of roses.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

God bless you...they go into marriage without understanding the gravity of what they are getting themselves into.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

It's all beautiful and charming on the surface. Deep within, there is so much to consider.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Thank you so much. I really appreciate this.

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2 years ago

Marriage is not an easy task wen yoy are not prepared for it, I just feel for people who later break their marriage due to poor commument of the female in bed, it really bad after all.

Marriage is not compulsory also, u can leave your whole live,,,,, without a partner instead of marrying and breaking up later

Thanks for the great piece

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I sincerely hope others can embrace this and understand that marriage isn't a must if they lack the strength for it. There is no point getting married only to break it up later on...and it's more difficult even when a child is involved. It's unfair on that child.

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2 years ago

abi oh

$ 0.00
2 years ago

☺️☺️☺️

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2 years ago

Most people came to know about the real meaning of marriage after they had done it. There should be education about marriage from parents. In my country, marriage is successful due to good guidance about marriage.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I agree. There should be good guidance where marriage is concerned. A lot of parents need to share their wealth of experience and be honest about it with their children rather than use them as business arrangements.

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2 years ago

Being a lady, I will always look for love, happiness and respect and from the marriage, I will also expect these. Rest can be achieved with or without married

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2 years ago

Yes, rest can be achieved without marriage and that's why I'm shocked when most people get married and think they are done with doing their part.

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2 years ago