Life and Learning.

Losing a loved one is a hard blow to deal with. I know the pain of losing people close to you because I have lost some myself. There is no easy way in dealing with death.

Death is everyone’s last enemy and we are all going to taste it at some point in our life’s journey. No man can live forever. If you have ever lost anyone close to your heart, then your perspective would change.

I attended a burial many years ago and my eyes opened to how frail human lives can be. We are just like a flower that rises in the morning, looking all glowing and beautiful and in the evening time, it goes away; withered and undesirable again. We start referring to people in the past tense as though they never existed again even though they live in our hearts.

We all want to become better humans and we tend to take things too seriously when we are sometimes expected to loosen up. Life isn't hard and we don't need to take it too seriously. The death of a loved one will give you a shift in perspective only if you are the type that can think deeply.

You tend to see how people promise you and fail to live up to them. You see the dependence on humans as a futile effort and know you need to be better for yourself and be responsible for your own life. You also tend to see how after every toil and labour, the result is still to be buried; lying lifeless and with no worries anymore.

I can remember when my dad passed away in 2006. A lot of people came to tell us not to get worked up because they will step in and make it bearable. It wasn’t even up to a week and I couldn’t find anyone of them in sight. I was hurt and I kept everyone at arm’s length too. Ever since then, I've stopped looking up to people and it shaped my reality.

I shifted my attention from holding people to their words so I am always genuinely surprised IF they ever come through on their words. You know with too much expectation comes bigger disappointments. I've reduced my expectations but I always hope for the best.

Every death gives you that shift in mentality on how to see life and also how to deal with humans. I still remember when dad passed away and so many people that I know always come around back then just suddenly stopped. That made me understand a single fact, which is, never to confuse loyalty with what people stand to gain from you.

A lot of people are users and they are only with you because of what they stand to gain and not necessarily about the love they have for you. The moment that benefit dries up, so will the supposed love. Even many years after, I still haven't seen those people who were regular at our house. Not even one of them came around.

Losing dad gave me this perspective and I know most people would come around you for as long as they have something they are getting from you. I said ‘most’ people and not ‘all’ people because we still have those people who will stick with you no matter what but the sad reality is they are little in comparison to the whole. At least they give hope to humanity.

Don’t feel relaxed over your past achievement because today’s achievement is tomorrow’s mediocrity and the world only chases those who have something to offer. So rather than focus on people who might not be loyal, focus on letting this challenge you to stay relevant instead.

Some pains will make you understand how to deal with other people and how to prepare yourself against some eventualities. When my mum passed away, I didn’t raise much expectation regarding promises this time around. We didn’t even wait around for people to come and help, we made sure we took the pain and sort things out by ourselves. We made sure we didn’t depend on anyone for anything because we have learned from the event in the past.

I got to know that most people like to receive and would never give to anyone. It is not about loyalty for them but about what they stand to gain from you. We call them opportunists. We learn in life as we keep growing and experiencing the things about life. Life is all about learning and we keep learning as we grow and go.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why  I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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