It's Not A Do or Die Affair.

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A relationship is not for the faint-hearted and when you know you are not ready for the stress that accompanies it, don't bother to lead anyone on... Just stat casual and if you both agree that there is no commitment and you just want to see how things go, then fine, let it be mutual but the moment you demand commitment from someone then be ready to walk the whole length with them too. The truth is, a relationship would stress you and I am not going to sugarcoat it but knowing what you feel for each other makes it easy to bear.

We need to stop telling people to accept us the way we are. We can do better and we need to stop hiding under that leverage. This is not how you are because you have the power to bend a little if you are willing to do the work. Everything in life requires a conscious effort so you are just lazy to do the work because you don't feel that person is worth it and since that person isn't worth it, why are you still hanging on to that person?

No one should put you under pressure to be in a relationship and I noticed most people feel the need to be in a relationship by pressure and that's why they are not prepared for what's to come and why they are not willing to do the work because they were unprepared and just simply rushed off to it. If you are not ready to give your best, just let the fire die and wait till you can withstand the heat before you turn on the oven because this is not hard to understand but selfishness, greed and being inconsiderate make people do otherwise.

We need to ask ourselves some serious questions. Do you want to be treated the way you are treating that guy? Would you love your sister to be treated the same way you are treating that lady? If the answer is no, then we know we can do better. When you are in love, some things would come to you naturally and no one would have to tell you and the thing is, it is not coming naturally to you because your heart and head is somewhere else instead.

My friend told me about a lady many years ago and I was super excited to hear all the good stuff he had to say about her. I even spoke to her at some point on the phone after I got to know they wanted to be serious about things. He is my childhood friend so you can understand my excitement back then. This is the truth when you hear people say that face value is not always the real value.

A lot of people can look all so pretty and nice at first instance but if you don't understand their story you wouldn't know how to deal with them. They have so much baggage that needed to be shed off and if you are not patient with them, they would frustrate you. It becomes easier for both parties when they are creating new experiences to banish the old memories they have which might hinder them.

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It wasn't even up to 2 weeks she started having issues with the calls from this guy. He calls her maybe thrice a day... In the morning, then during the day to know how her day was going then obviously at night as well. She felt the calls were too much and still, she wouldn't call. She rarely calls and she calls only when this guy must have sent calling units to her and she would call for 2 minutes or thereabout and that's it.

I understand she might not be the calling type or maybe my friend was calling for longer minutes and that might not be what she is used to but the moment she complained about the calls being too much, isn't she supposed to tell him how he is doing it wrong? A lot of people assume you are supposed to know what you are doing wrong even though you don't know. She has the right to tell him to reduce the calls because some people don't like being choked with calls but how do you identify a problem without stating the solution that suits you? Many people are not ready to sacrifice their comfort a little bit in a relationship especially the one they got into because they were lonely so they got more than they bargained for.

I was never the type that loves receiving calls. I don't like receiving calls and I still have that trait in me but I make exceptions. She made me start making calls and receiving calls because that is how she loves to express herself more. I love expressing myself through texts because I can constrain my words in fewer letters and still drive home the point but when I recognized what works for her, I had to let go of my comfort a little because I know she was worth the trouble and she did the same because she didn't like text chatting either.

A relationship is all about letting go of what you have been used to, to some extent just to accommodate another person whom you claimed to love. Most people are in a relationship yet they act as though they are single. Some can't even comfortably say they are in a relationship because it is obvious that they just want something more but they are keeping that person till the rightful owner comes along.

Dating someone is not a do or die affair, so if you are not ready to go the length of it, just let that person know where you stand and if they are willing to stick around, fine and if they are not, they can waltz off... It shouldn't be that hard but greed, selfishness and being inconsiderate makes a lot of people hang on to what they are not willing to work on.

The funny thing about the lady I mentioned earlier that my friend was dating is that my friend wanted to visit her for her birthday and she said she likes spending her birthday with her friends and that's her tradition. You were single then, darling... Now you have someone, why are you acting as though you were single? Can't you at least discuss it properly with him and ask him if he is cool with having your friends around when he comes around and how the bills would be sorted? This is a clear example of a lady that is not ready to be in a relationship and would gladly put her friends over her boyfriend but the question is, are these friends willing to do the same for her when they get hooked and it's their birthday too? Communication becomes a burden when a party is not willing to do the work.

Don't force a relationship when you are not ready. You are not defined by your ability to have a guy or a lady. You are defined by who you are and not by whom you are not in a love affair with.

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Thank you for your time.