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It's Different For Everyone.

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Written by Β Β 235
4 weeks ago

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A relationship is different for everyone and I understand why so many people have reservations about it. There is no point forcing anyone into marriage when they are not ready. There are many reasons why many might not be ready and either they are not mentally ready, physically ready or financially ready. Some even make sure they are socially and spiritually ready and that's not a crime. Some have genuine reasons why they are not but some are just waiting for another person to come along while wasting another person's time.

There was this story I heard many years ago about a lady that has been dating this guy for around 3 years or so and his thoughts had always been that it would lead to marriage so he vested his energy and everything into the relationship to make himself the best for the lady in question. The shocking thing is, every time he brings up the topic of marriage she would brush it aside and avoid it. It's easier to think she wasn't ready.

This story goes both ways really but the bottom line is, marriage isn't something you just dabble into and leave to chance. There is something about being intentional about it and it takes extra caution and determination if you don't want to end up in the wrong hands. There is an adage that says: "If you can't handle the heat, leave the kitchen" - Anonymous. Well, these days, we have AC in the kitchen πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚. So, if you can't handle the heat, you can as well take the extra effort of making sure your apartment is well ventilated and fully conditioned.

Back to the story... She would always brush it aside and this confused the guy due to the mixed reactions regarding this. He finally got his answer when he got to know that he was just the stand-in boyfriend. In as much as we have some guys that are a disgrace to the XY chromosomes, we have some cold-blooded ladies too. If she didn't say anything about the marriage then we could have said maybe she is scared or probably she had a terrible experience while growing up based on what she has seen or heard. Sometimes, what we see affects us subconsciously and we start mirroring it.

Guys, sometimes, because a girl reject your marriage proposal doesn't mean she doesn't want to marry you, sometimes it means she is not mentally there yet because we feel pressure differently. Even as a guy, the moment your wedding date draws near, you will have those cold feet and ask yourself if you are making the right choice, sometimes but in this instance, regarding this story, she obviously didn't want this guy. She gave him different reasons which didn't tally and the moment I heard them, I knew she doesn't want this guy.

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She has told him many times that she isn't promising him a marriage and often she has said her parents won't accept him. The thing is, she might be right about her parents especially if you are from a family that would give you a stern warning not to date anyone from a particular tribe but the question is, why don't you cut them off early rather than waste 4 years of their lives or even more? In other instances, it could be a clear case of indirectly telling the guy he is not her kind of guy to settle down with but because she is scared of being alone, she would welcome the guy for the time being till the right person comes along.

Sometimes, guys need to read between the lines and stop getting too much into their feelings. I would say the same thing for the ladies as well. Use both your heart and your head. This lady has said it in different ways that she doesn't want to talk marriage and you know your vision or goals are not aligning, why even bother to wait that long? Hoping she would change her mind? This isn't a case of resilience and it would have been about resilience if you are trying to convince her parents or she is having a mental block about marriage which you feel would ease up with time. She goes out with you and for 4 years she couldn't make up her mind and you still don't think you are wasting your time???

It's better to have a painful breakup than to wait, hoping to catch the wind which is indeed a fruitless effort. I am currently watching a series "The Good Doctor" and there is a couple there whose vision isn't aligning. He wanted a baby but she doesn't want any. In as much as it pains both of them to break up, that's the best thing to do. The guy reached a compromise and told her he would be happy with adoption but the lady knew he would later resent her in the future so they both called it off. Painful, yes but it is necessary.

I like being objective and wouldn't take sides especially when I am discussing relationships. For the guy now, you have been dating her for 4 years and she wouldn't decide on marrying you, apart from her baggage and maybe the possibility of having another person, it shows you are also doing a terrible job in convincing her that you are the right person for her.

When we are in a relationship, we need to understand that other people's emotions are at stake too. Most of the time it is not about resilience but selfishness because you won't marry him and yet you won't let him go because of the benefits you are getting from him? It's not as though it is mutual. It is understandable if you both agree that you are not ready and you should see how things play out but it's not the same if you are leading the other person on when you clearly know what they want.

Let me stop right here...

Thank you for your time.

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Written by Β Β 235
4 weeks ago
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Comments

Great article from you sir! You really stated it well relationship can't be force and waiting too much time for nothing is painful for the one who really waits. My opinion about it, it's better to approach your partner and tell him/her that you can't stay along with him/her, you just said it's better to hurt in broke up than to hurt in waiting such long time. I agree with you about this sir. Thank you for posting this article I enjoy reading it. Soon I will really find a partner who will both of us understand each other for goodness sake.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Thank you very much and I enjoyed your contribution. Yes, you will find a partner that will understand you as you will understand him. It's worth waiting for...

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

I know practically like 10 people who said no to their partners after dating for years, I mean.. why wasting everyone's time and playing with the other gender's emotions, this includes both boys and girls. Maturity is very important

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Thank you so much for this... Maturity. It takes a childish mind to think they can just toy with other people's emotions all in the name of having fun.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

For me, I will not date someone or go into a relationship with someone if I am not thinking about getting married. I am looking for a long-term goal. I actually told that to my hubby before we are just bf/gf. The commitment should be there. I find it easy to break up with him if he doesn't want to marry me.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Straight and sharp, I love that. There is no time for time wasting. Once the vision isn't aligning, both parties should go their separate ways. The energy and the commitment must be felt and seen. Thanks a lot for this.

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3 weeks ago

I am a fan of that series "The Doctor" just because I like the actor :)

Anyway, marriage is not for everyone and is a deeply personal decision. Some women/ladies or even the guys might be scared of the commitment or struggle with it in some way. Do not settle or stay in relationships out of convenience.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Yes, that series is addictive and I am pushing myself to finish it so I can start another series.

Thank you so much for this lovely input. Don't settle or stay in a relationship because it's convenient... Absolutely. There should be something more than that. Good one.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

That's really awful. Why would you hang on to someone you know you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with? Waste of time and resources for the other party. Marriage is something that really takes a lot of preparation, whether it be resources and mental, so it's better to cut anything that wouldn't work out from the start rather than dragging it out until the last moment.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

This is so spot on! Yes, better cut it off than having to endure more miserable years ahead.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

There are many reasons why a woman rejects a proposals. Sometimes they are not mentally and emotionally ready for it. Thus, the man must have an open communication with her. That's the solution I see.

$ 0.01
3 weeks ago

I mentioned that earlier in the post and that's why I started another issue with the obvious reason why this other lady played the guy instead. As I have said earlier, it's different for both and shouldn't be forced. Yes, having open communication from both sides would let them know if their goals or dreams align.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

Some ladies actually use the idea of marriage to their advantage, once they know the guy is interested in marrying them but they already have another boyfriend, they will use that to pin the guy down by bringing up flimsy excuses, and the guy will be thinking she needs more time. After chasing her for years and the cat finally gets out of the bag, it will be very painful for the guy but the girl moved on like nothing happened. Some people can be really heartless sha

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

I tell you. They can be so heartless and unbothered. I wonder how they would feel if someone did that to their son.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

And that's where the problem lies, they don't think about how they will feel of it's done to their son

$ 0.01
3 weeks ago

They lack foresight.

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3 weeks ago

This story is like, one of the tragic ones I've heard. One has invested everything with settling with her for good in mind, while the woman think of him as a stand in that she'd abandon when the better one comes along.. How miserable. It's sad when two people have different goals , and don't meet halfway. It's better to end the relationship.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Thank you so much. Exactly, it's better to end it when the goals are different. They are better off apart.

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3 weeks ago

I heard of a case where the lady had aborted twice for this guy and is refusing to abort the third one and the guy threatened to leave her. Is not that he isn't mature for marriage yet nor do not have the finance, I mean he is doing well. The last had her baby and luckily for found a man who accepted her and her son and now they are happily married. This thing called Love needs to be re-defined.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Hahaha so true. Most people don't understand what love means and I am glad she moved on because that guy is a user. I won't be surprised if he had someone on the sideline hence why he wanted her to abort so she won't mess up his plans. It's crazy.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

Good doctor? I and this Chinese kid just talk about it last night because their class watched it in their school for their homework.. She also showed me part of the video at we laughed out loud.. I guess I need to watch the series too..

Back to your topic.. You can't really force someone to marry you. If the lady isn't ready yet, she will surely refuse the proposal and it will put pressure on her.. This reminded me of the guy who courted me 9 years ago. He kneeled in front of me and asked me if I can be his gf..but I rejected his proposal because my broken heart wasn't fully healed yet..

But if the man really loves a woman, he can wait until she's ready.

$ 0.03
3 weeks ago

Yaaaaay! I think you should watch it. It's an amazing series. Already watching the second season. It's s addictive and funny.

You are so right, Janey... It's different for everyone as you have rightly pointed out. You declined because you were not mentally ready not because of anything else. As long as the end goal is the same for both, why not, he can wait till she is ready.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

This reminds me of my favorite couple vlogger (Jamill) wherein they were together for years but still, the guy announced to the whole world that he's not seeing his future with her. How could he say those heartbreaking words? It tore my heart. πŸ₯Ί

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Sila pa din ba ngayon? Tsismosa here. πŸ˜‚ Naisyu sila recently diba? Yan yata ang sinasabi mo.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

Just imagine! It's weird how some people do things. Why waste her time and it's not as if he didn't know from the start. It's annoying.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

It is definitely not a do or die thing, there are different people with different objectives in relationships, and no matter terrible our goal is, we surely find someone that fits into what we want.

Wasting someone's time in a relationship is a terrible thing, if the lover bird in the relationship is not reading the handwriting on the wall, the love snake to declare his or her mission.

$ 0.03
4 weeks ago

I love what you said there, brother... No matter what our goals are we would surely see someone to match it... So we must not stress too much. We should read the handwriting on the wall. I will surely do a continuation to this post tomorrow. Thanks a lot, brother.

$ 0.01
4 weeks ago

Looking forward to the continuation.

$ 0.01
4 weeks ago

Thanks a lot, brother.

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4 weeks ago

Should I call it a waste or what! 4years?

One reason why I can’t date or be in a long term relationship.

I have seen those in relationships for more than 6years and at the end maybe because the lady Had some ailments through and accident or I don’t even know the reason why. The guy went over and get married to someone else leaving the lady behind to start searching over again.

It was so tragic because everyone already knew of their intimate relationship

$ 0.02
4 weeks ago

That's callous and wicked. Obviously, he didn't love her and it's sad.

$ 0.00
4 weeks ago

I was so amazed to have seen their relationship cut. It was so tight the lady would go to the guys home and they all knew her. And so does the guy would come to her house and meet with her mom.

$ 0.02
4 weeks ago

Their love didn't run deep, at least not from the guy. It's painful.

$ 0.00
4 weeks ago

Indeed it was. πŸ˜” πŸ˜” πŸ˜”

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

It is well.

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3 weeks ago

I think there are many serious people around today. Both ladies and guys are just not cut out for marriage, they'd prefer to keep it at the level of dating, but marriage, it's a no no.

$ 0.02
4 weeks ago

I think so too πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£. Many are running...

$ 0.00
4 weeks ago

Very common among ladies nowadays. They know that can't marry a guy, but because something they collect from still make her stay pretending she loves him.

$ 0.01
4 weeks ago

It's quite sad and guys need to differentiate between love and time wasting.

$ 0.00
4 weeks ago

That is life for you

$ 0.00
4 weeks ago

Yeah.

$ 0.00
4 weeks ago