I Won't Give Up.

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2 years ago

I know life has dealt with everyone in varying capacity and this is not a competition to see who life has dealt with the most. If you ever come near an average Nigerian you would understand that most of us like to compete with everything especially things that don't make sense. We need to stop doing that and I have learned not to do that for a long time now and I think everyone should learn to as well.

When you want to sympathize with someone, do it genuinely and take the focus off yourself for once. Like I was saying regarding competing, an average Nigerian would be told, "I am having a serious headache" and the response would be "Your headache is nothing compared to mine", like seriously? Is that supposed to be a thing of pride? If you can't wish another person well just keep your mouth shut and walk away and if that sounds rude, at least be kind enough to say "Sorry, have you used anything? I think you should". Take the focus off yourself for once.

We compete with everything, either good or bad. Someone told you he just lost his father and you are consoling the person by saying you lost yours too 5 years ago. Misery loves company or what's the basis of that information when someone is clearly grieving. You can put it in a better way by saying, "I am sorry for your loss and I believe you will be fine. I believe in you and see how I lost mine 5 years ago and here I am, still pitching the pieces together but still, we should be grateful for life. Stay strong. We will both come through this together". This sounds better rather than making the person feel he has no right to grieve since you lost yours 5 years ago as well.

It's natural for us to desire that the world should come to an end when we lose a loved one forgetting that others have lost and come through it as well but in moments like that, they need consolation, not sympathetic competition.

So, my post is not an attempt to show others I've been through worse because trust me, most people have been through it all and it's not a competition as well for others to tell me how they have had it worse neither is it a sympathetic post to gather pity, no... I just want to say I became better for it and hoping it would encourage anyone going through something similar that they don't have to give up because life happens.

Life has thrown me under the bus many times and here I am standing. Everything I have been through shaped me to be who I am today and I don't regret all that I have been through even though if I had a choice I would have to keep my sister from dying at the age of 14, I would have allowed my dad to stay with us longer while keeping my mother from joining them as well. With these people leaving and the feeling of being alone, I got to see a lot of how human beings are and it made me stronger.

Betrayal is always from the people you least expected and that's how it works but it should make you stronger knowing that others are not responsible for your happiness or how you turn out and it's entirely up to you. I have been gossiped about, lied against, mocked, ridiculed and the worst has been expected of me but I am tougher than the things I went through. I am stronger than the things life dished my way and maybe that's why I don't get the sympathy as much because most people see me as a strong person.

I can remember when we lost our firstborn around two years ago right from birth due to the lack of urgency on the path of doctors, everyone kept asking me how my wife was doing and no one bothered to ask me how I was holding up. I didn't show any sign of weakness to anyone because I needed to be there for her and show strength. Isn't that what everyone expected of a man in the world we live in as though we don't deserve to show any sign of weakness?

I know how I got back home after two days of being in the hospital without food and bathing. I locked the door since it was only me and I broke down behind the kitchen entrance I came in through and wept. I didn't cry, I wept. I wept and I felt relieved afterwards. I had my bath and went back to the hospital to 'show' my strength and support. It's a blessing in disguise for me because I don't like being pitied and that played in my part because I don't expect any and it made me stronger.

I won't give up on life even if I have been shown the other side as others have as well. I try to take life as it comes and be intentional about how I live my life too. I want to be in charge of my feelings and not allow myself to be at the mercy of others. If I have the power to change something I make sure I go head-on to do that and when I know it is above my clearance level I am not ashamed to take a step back and show it to those that I feel would be better suited to solve it. Don't be scared to fail and don't be ashamed of the things you don't know. It's an opportunity to know it or understand your strength.

I have resolved in my heart that despite all the things that life threw at me, I won't give up and I would love us to develop a mindset never to give up either. We have come too far to give up. I won't give up, what about you?

Thank you for your time.

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2 years ago

Comments

Many of us including myself have this habit to focus things on ourselves instead of sympathizing in the right way. Things like "I am going through a lot" and you be like "Yours isn't much than what I am going through". Though it pissed me off hearing that but most times,I find myself doing that too 🧐 Anyways, I have learnt not to indulge in that but to sympathize in a better way. No matter what we go through in life, we should be strong and not give up because very soon, things would shape into the best for us. Thank God for Dara now and she is now the firstborn and will be expecting a junior to call her "Aunty Dara" 😉😅

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Absolutely...we are all guilty of it and I learnt to stop doing that too.

🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂 Aunty Dara. She has been a wonderful compensation, really.

Thanks a lot dear. How are you feeling now? Good to have you back here.

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2 years ago

It's my pleasure. Yes, I feel better but having to read and read every pages so I don't get stranded during tests and exams 😁😁

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2 years ago

Chai...school life. Pele. You will soon be done. 🤗🤗🤗

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2 years ago

This very bad that instead of saying some words to console others, we try to make them more sad by letting them know about what happened to us before. I am in pain to hear about your loss,what happened to your sister at this young age? But I am glad to know that you are a strong person who faced so many hardships with smile on his face and never let his pessimism to hold on him. I pray to achieve every happiness in your life.

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2 years ago

Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot. I wish I knew what really happened to her but we were told she had kidney issues.

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2 years ago

This is true. We have no right to invalidated other people's feeling just because we went through wors experiences. We don't have the same tolerance to grief and sadness. We may not be intentional to invalidate other people's feeling by telling them what we've been through but at least we should let them be. Let them grieve and take their time. Support them and be with them.

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2 years ago

Exactly... They have the rights to their feelings and we should not invalidate theirs. Thanks a lot for this contribution.

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2 years ago

Salute to you for being the man you are. I am really sorry to read about your first born. I have no words but full respect to you🙏

You have a lovely family there.

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2 years ago

Thank you so much, my friend. You have been an amazing friend and I am glad we met. 🤗

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2 years ago

And thank you too :) Glad this platform made it possible for us to meet :)

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2 years ago

Absolutely. 🤗🤗🤗

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2 years ago

i agree with you... life may throw us a lot of challenges, some will make us strong some will make us weak but whatever the result it may give us, there is always a choice for us to fight and to never give up. ..sorry for what happened to your son.

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2 years ago

Absolutely...we always have a chance to fight. Thank you so much 🤗🤗🤗

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2 years ago

Wow🥺 I salute you bro! Your indeed a good man, husband and a father. I'm sorry for your loss but you know what? You really hang in there and you are strong enough to support your family. I was touch by your life's story and I am certain that God is with you all through out your journey and He gave you so much strength to overcome those trials. Giving up is not on your vocabulary and I somehow realized that I should become one too. 💕 God bless you and your family🙏

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2 years ago

Amen. Thank you so much for this. Your words are refreshing. Thank you so much 💕

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2 years ago

No Biggies!🥰

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2 years ago

🤗🤗🤗

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2 years ago

That's why we need to think first about the words that come out of our mouth because every hurtful word can affect us. Keep fighting 💪

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2 years ago

Thanks a lot.

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2 years ago

I am sorry for all whom you have lost so early in life. But like you said, all these experiences have given you a strength to make you the man you are today.

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2 years ago

Absolutely, it has. That's life and thanks a lot for this.

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2 years ago

Difficulties in life is made to make us stronger. That's how I have learned in my existence. Glad to know you are a fighter and a tough one. You are asking mine but I don't want to talk about it as it will give a sense of competition. That I have realized in this writing. Thank you for making me learned that aspect in life. So, since this is your writing and this is your story. I wanted to say to you "job well done" to all the life's struggles. I believe God is proud of you and prepares something bigger breakthrough for you. Keep fighting.

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2 years ago

Thank you so much for your kind words and I deeply appreciate you. I hope to read about your story too because we can all draw strength from it.

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2 years ago

Your most welcome. Of course you will. I always share my life stories here.

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2 years ago

That's brilliant. I look forward to reading.

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2 years ago

It's my first time to learn that you actually have a wife and sorry for what happened to your son 😢 When my brother died, my mother felt miserable and distress. But she keeps going because of her family. That's how parents think. They become strong in times of tribulations for the sake of their family.

$ 0.04
2 years ago

Really? Hahaha. I mentioned it quite a few times in my early days here. Maybe because our paths haven't crossed then and I am glad it has crossed now 😍😍😍😍.

That's absolutely true, Janey. Parents become strong in such a time as that for the sake of family. I am deeply sorry about your brother. 😢

Thank you so much, dear

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2 years ago

I think not only Nigerian who saying that words, even in the Philippines they do. That's why many people kept sitting their mouth and not saying anything about their problems in life. Problems are there to make us stronger and prepared us for new bigger problem. What we only need to do is to not give up. There's always a solution for many problem in theire.

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2 years ago

Wow...it's a general human issue then and we need to do better so we can encourage others to speak about what they are going through so they wouldn't feel they are competing with others.

Thank you so much.

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2 years ago

I will not give up. I like your words very much. None of us should give up hope in a little bit. Hard times will come in life, so life does not stop. All things together, human life.

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2 years ago

Absolutely...no giving up... Not a chance.

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2 years ago

That's why we need to think before we speak because we never know what will happen after we said a words because words are powerful. Sometimes its more okay to listen instead of saying a word that is not helpful to the person. But it also depends on the situation.

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Exactly. We are used to speaking without listening and then listening to provide an answer rather than to understand. I am so delighted to have you here. Thank you.

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2 years ago

Thank you for writing this. I feel guilty because most of the time I answer that way. And yes, you are right, it makes sense and I'm just realizing it now.

So sorry for you and your wife's loss. I felt the pain, I've been there.

You really have a great personality. A great mind. A big heart. And you can always put into words whatever you want to share with people in a way that they will relate to it. I really admire you. Xxx

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2 years ago

Your words humbled me, momma. Thank you so much and I am happy to read from you. That's life and we have to soldier on... We will be stronger for it.

I am so sorry about the loss too, momma. If it's not too much, I hope it's something you can write about so we can learn. I should write about mine soon too...

I appreciate you so much, momma.

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2 years ago

Every time I try to write about it I am not able to finish it. Some pains just stay in my heart. :)

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2 years ago

I am deeply sorry about that and it's totally understandable. Take your time... Sorry, momma. 🤗🤗🤗

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2 years ago

You have had a really rough past but you are still living, and thats what matters. Misery isnt a competition and whoever thinks it is, isnt human!

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2 years ago

I totally agree with you. Thanks a lot for this.

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2 years ago

We all get dealt by the harsh side of life once in a while, but what matters is how we bounce back after everything. You have been shown the other side of life, but I believe you came back stronger

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2 years ago

Absolutely...and I am grateful to God for that. Thanks a lot, brother.

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2 years ago

You as a person is an inspiration to us. Your life before is very tough but you still choose to fight until now. You are right that we should not see life as a competition because at the end of the day, yourself is your enemy.

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2 years ago

Thank you so much. I deeply appreciate this.

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2 years ago

We all go through difficult times at certain times in our lives. I agree with the notion that this shouldn't be compared to others. Everyone's time and pain is different. You just want someone to understand you, not someone to race you. I hope our spouses, friends and relatives who understand each of us in such bad times will be with us and share the pain with us.

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2 years ago

Thank you so much for this brilliant contribution. It means a lot.

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2 years ago