I know life has dealt with everyone in varying capacity and this is not a competition to see who life has dealt with the most. If you ever come near an average Nigerian you would understand that most of us like to compete with everything especially things that don't make sense. We need to stop doing that and I have learned not to do that for a long time now and I think everyone should learn to as well.
When you want to sympathize with someone, do it genuinely and take the focus off yourself for once. Like I was saying regarding competing, an average Nigerian would be told, "I am having a serious headache" and the response would be "Your headache is nothing compared to mine", like seriously? Is that supposed to be a thing of pride? If you can't wish another person well just keep your mouth shut and walk away and if that sounds rude, at least be kind enough to say "Sorry, have you used anything? I think you should". Take the focus off yourself for once.
We compete with everything, either good or bad. Someone told you he just lost his father and you are consoling the person by saying you lost yours too 5 years ago. Misery loves company or what's the basis of that information when someone is clearly grieving. You can put it in a better way by saying, "I am sorry for your loss and I believe you will be fine. I believe in you and see how I lost mine 5 years ago and here I am, still pitching the pieces together but still, we should be grateful for life. Stay strong. We will both come through this together". This sounds better rather than making the person feel he has no right to grieve since you lost yours 5 years ago as well.
It's natural for us to desire that the world should come to an end when we lose a loved one forgetting that others have lost and come through it as well but in moments like that, they need consolation, not sympathetic competition.
So, my post is not an attempt to show others I've been through worse because trust me, most people have been through it all and it's not a competition as well for others to tell me how they have had it worse neither is it a sympathetic post to gather pity, no... I just want to say I became better for it and hoping it would encourage anyone going through something similar that they don't have to give up because life happens.
Life has thrown me under the bus many times and here I am standing. Everything I have been through shaped me to be who I am today and I don't regret all that I have been through even though if I had a choice I would have to keep my sister from dying at the age of 14, I would have allowed my dad to stay with us longer while keeping my mother from joining them as well. With these people leaving and the feeling of being alone, I got to see a lot of how human beings are and it made me stronger.
Betrayal is always from the people you least expected and that's how it works but it should make you stronger knowing that others are not responsible for your happiness or how you turn out and it's entirely up to you. I have been gossiped about, lied against, mocked, ridiculed and the worst has been expected of me but I am tougher than the things I went through. I am stronger than the things life dished my way and maybe that's why I don't get the sympathy as much because most people see me as a strong person.
I can remember when we lost our firstborn around two years ago right from birth due to the lack of urgency on the path of doctors, everyone kept asking me how my wife was doing and no one bothered to ask me how I was holding up. I didn't show any sign of weakness to anyone because I needed to be there for her and show strength. Isn't that what everyone expected of a man in the world we live in as though we don't deserve to show any sign of weakness?
I know how I got back home after two days of being in the hospital without food and bathing. I locked the door since it was only me and I broke down behind the kitchen entrance I came in through and wept. I didn't cry, I wept. I wept and I felt relieved afterwards. I had my bath and went back to the hospital to 'show' my strength and support. It's a blessing in disguise for me because I don't like being pitied and that played in my part because I don't expect any and it made me stronger.
I won't give up on life even if I have been shown the other side as others have as well. I try to take life as it comes and be intentional about how I live my life too. I want to be in charge of my feelings and not allow myself to be at the mercy of others. If I have the power to change something I make sure I go head-on to do that and when I know it is above my clearance level I am not ashamed to take a step back and show it to those that I feel would be better suited to solve it. Don't be scared to fail and don't be ashamed of the things you don't know. It's an opportunity to know it or understand your strength.
I have resolved in my heart that despite all the things that life threw at me, I won't give up and I would love us to develop a mindset never to give up either. We have come too far to give up. I won't give up, what about you?
Thank you for your time.
Many of us including myself have this habit to focus things on ourselves instead of sympathizing in the right way. Things like "I am going through a lot" and you be like "Yours isn't much than what I am going through". Though it pissed me off hearing that but most times,I find myself doing that too 🧐 Anyways, I have learnt not to indulge in that but to sympathize in a better way. No matter what we go through in life, we should be strong and not give up because very soon, things would shape into the best for us. Thank God for Dara now and she is now the firstborn and will be expecting a junior to call her "Aunty Dara" 😉😅