Forgiveness.

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Can anyone go through life without being offended or offending another whether intentionally or not? We've all been at the receiving ends of either seeking forgiveness or being asked to forgive another person. We can't go without offending one another hence the importance of forgiveness. We have to forgive one another whether it is easy or not.

Why is it important to forgive another person? For your peace. You don't want someone who offended you to also control how you feel. You can forgive someone and still not allow them much space in your life again. You will know if you have forgiven someone when you can talk about what they did without getting angry and also when you can see them without having any resentment.

Many times we have tried to convince ourselves that we have forgiven someone whereas we haven't. We still speak of what they did as though it was recent. We avoid contact with them and we can't speak good things about them. Someone even said if you can't bring yourself to pray for someone that hurts you then you haven't forgiven that person. You can't ever wish for good things for those you haven't forgiven.

Sometimes we try to play the role of God as we anticipate bad news concerning those who hurt us. Imagine someone walking up to you and mentions the first name of the person that hurt you, how would you react? Sometimes we want the next statement after hearing their names to be 'he lost his job', 'she was dumped at the altar' etc...things that would make us feel good and rub it in his or her face that they hurt us but we often miss the point because we also offend others. Would it be justified if they also have this ill-will towards us?

We react to situations differently depending on the severity of what was done and I am not here to tell you not to feel hurt or pain but I am here to tell you to learn how to forgive them - release them in your heart and usher in peace and moments ease. One of the hardest things to control is human behaviour - intentions and emotions. In my language, I've always heard this adage while growing up and that is "The tongue clashes with the teeth yet they manage to settle it and work together still". We just need to learn how to expect hurts from others. Those who matter to us are the ones who hurt us the most. The hurt hits deeper because they mean something to us.

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In this life that we live in, we learn from happenings - experience and then try to improve on it while guarding our hearts. Our experiences are an accumulation of mistakes so hurt is expected, so is forgiveness. There is a clear difference between hard and impossible. It might be hard to forgive but we should learn to go through it to attain the result - forgiveness.

Your conscience can't take it when you keep accumulating hurts and holding them against everyone that hurts you. This is not about whether they deserved forgiveness but this is about your capacity to forgive regardless. Some lines must not be crossed and I understand because we have different values and upbringings but you can learn to forgive someone and still keep them at a distance. There is no crime in guarding your heart and protecting your sanity too.

Forgiveness heals and refreshes as it gives you the balance you seek and restores your mind to calmness. It is a gradual process and there is nothing that can't be developed. Try it gradually. Do you have someone who hurt you? Someone you are struggling to forgive? Forgive them. If you have to text them or call them, tell them and move on.

Many people will not live up to your expectations. With more expectations comes greater disappointment and that doesn't mean we shouldn't be optimistic or have expectations of others, if they drop the ball and hurt you, shame on them and not you. Forgiveness makes you even the bigger person as it shows you have a better understanding. When you don't forgive, how are you any better?

Another aspect of our forgiveness should also be to ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves for our bad choices. We need to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have made that we feel has held us back which is preventing a lot of people from moving ahead. Mistakes will happen and the ability to learn from those mistakes and trying to be better makes all the difference. You can't go back to change your choices but you can alter how your eventual end would be. Stop seeking pity and forgive yourself. You are not as terrible as you think. Surround yourself with those who can lift you and see the goodness left in you.

You are both deserving of forgiveness; yourself and others.

Thank you for your time.