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Don't Be A Stand-In.

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Written by   230
3 weeks ago

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A lot of people would accept just about anything all because they want to be in a relationship. The signs are there, they are crystal clear and even the warning signs but most people would rather want to be defined in being in a relationship rather than doing what's best for them. When someone has shown you the tendencies that your future doesn't lie together, there is no need to force it. Most people would settle for second best and even strike ridiculous agreements to stand in for the next guy to come with the hope that the lady would change her mind. I find it insulting because it's an insult to the person you are hoping would change his or her mind because it means you are saying that person doesn't have a mind of his or her own.

Have you ever been a stand-in boyfriend or girlfriend for someone before the 'real' owner comes along? I have been there; deliberately and even when I didn't even know until I sensed the signs and even learned after we went our separate ways and I am glad we did. Sometimes we know and oftentimes we don't even know, so at some point, we might have been and it's not cool. It's like pouring water into a basket with nothing to hold down your efforts and it can be really painful. Never settle for being a second option where your heart is involved. Learn to pick out the warning signs and move on. Love can make you do things you never imagined but there is always the need to be observant and ask questions where necessary.

I shared a story yesterday regarding a lady that was evasive where marriage discussion is concerned and they have been together for 4 years. I touched every aspect of both sides and you can read the post here: It's Different For Everyone. You can see this post as a continuation to the last one; as shared earlier.

Sometimes your partner might decide not to marry you especially when they feel their future is not secured and that's understandable but when someone keeps telling you they can't see you in their future, then there is nothing much left to fight for.

I have seen situations where a guy practically begged a lady to marry him despite telling him she can NEVER date him for whatever reason that is best known to her. There is no reason to force things and that's the whole essence of courtship. It might hurt you but wouldn't it be better to let her go now than to be miserable during the marriage?

I don't understand why many people are hell-bent on being a second option or as I would call it, a stand-in boyfriend because if she accepts you out of pity, it's only a matter of time before she goes with another person and she would tell you she told you it can't work out but you were the one who stuck around and yes, she would still be enjoying the benefits of being your 'girlfriend' temporarily. The thing is we always know the truth but we just don't want to believe it.

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That guy or that lady must have given something away for you to know it's a lost cause so you don't have to bother chasing him or her. The major issues we have these days stem from people who choose to go in blindly and ignore the warning signs because they are always there for us to see. We are sometimes blinded by the gentle touch, soft kisses, adorable hips and pecks on the forehead with the feelings they give us in general. Once you notice your goals won't go with each other, just move on.

Don't be like those who have been employed to occupy the front seats at the Oscar before the real stars of the show come in. They did that because they don't want the hall to look empty at a glance so stop allowing people to toy with your emotions by allowing you to occupy their time before the person who will get their heart comes. Don't be a gap-filler for another person because you deserve more than that.

We need to train ourselves to accept what is obvious - when we are no longer wanted. You shouldn't be dated or married because you were the only option available because if that is the case, even when they are married to you and they see who they missed before settling with you, they would run after that person and leave you behind so you need to leave now before it becomes more painful and unbearable.

Who to date is a big decision and I admire those who are not bulging to pressure and waiting in line before giving their heart to someone deserving. To avoid marital trauma, don't force yourself to marry someone who doesn't want you, don't marry someone who sees you as a last resort. If you are not wanted or loved as deeply as you wanted, it means you are just the last available option and you will be treated accordingly.

Love must be a two-way street so before making your decision, try and project yourself into 10 years and think deeply if you would want to be treated this same way. Go for those who care for you and not those who want to use you to "pass time". Don't be a stand-in, you deserve better, so act accordingly.

Thank you for your time.

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Written by   230
3 weeks ago
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Comments

Hahah just like being a rebound. And that hurts. I've been there once. With my toxic ex, the one I told about last time? She got back with her ex when she dumped me via text. And guess what, 3 years after that, she kind of drunk chatted me, saying how she regretted her decision.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Hahaha that's what they do, regret. I am glad you are better without her now, my friend. You deserve better, no doubt.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

Thanks buddy. They only regret when it's already too late. It's probably a typical reaction for them hahah. But yeah, I woke up one day, and realised I deserved more. So I never really wasted anytime with her anymore.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

What you did was smart and a bold move and I am glad you did because it led you to this point of peace.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

I have been a stand-in while in secondary school, back when I was still naive and didn't know what I was doing. But now I have known about it, I will never try it. I guess it's only desperate people that will agree to be a stand-in deliberately

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

That's so true... Desperate, needy and those who don't love themselves enough... It's a terrible place to be in.

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3 weeks ago

I love how you continued with the person as stand in point of view. We gotta take this seriously, too. People shoulf know their worth and don't settle being the rebound, the stand in, the second choice, the replaceable. They are not an object. They should learn to let go, because holding on not only hurts them, but causes their self-value to decrease over time.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

I love and enjoy this so much. Exactly... They must know when to let go... It saves further hurt.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

I won't gonna allow myself to be a stand-in..lol. It's like degrading my own self.. Rather be single than a second option haha

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Very true, Janey...it's like a downgrade. Being a second option is open to so many uncertainties and it hurts even more.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

I never wanted to be a second option, lol! It may sound selfish, but nope. I value myself enough to not be on such a spot, uh-uh, big no hehehe :D

Kidding aside, we should really have enough respect for ourselves not to allow such to happen to us.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Hahaha. Exactly, my friend...we should respect and love ourselves enough to do better.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

Haha, yup. Need to do that for our own good :D

$ 0.01
3 weeks ago

Exactly...

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

We must really accept the fact,and if that's obvious we must be sensitive let it go if you're not happy. Remember love yourself 😂

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Loving yourself is so important... So true.

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3 weeks ago

That is why we should never settle for less. We should know our worth and we deserve better.

$ 0.01
3 weeks ago

Very well...

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

Since I realized that love and relationship is not my mate, I fear them and I ghatt to give them their respect....🤣🤣🤣

Yoruba adage says.... Eni to'ba fi ikanju la obe gbigbno, o ma jo lenu( who he lick a hot soup without patient will get burnt in the month ) that's just the issue about relationship, if we don't take our time to view what relationship entails, we end up bitting your finger saying.....had I know

Why will they know when that could not see the red light which signifies danger ahead, who should we choose to be a stand-in when you deserve better.

Yeah! You notice that he/she doesn't love you, the handwriting is bold enough, and you still persist to stay, my brother/sister, you'll end up eating breakfast with a cry.... hehehehe 😆 Don't mind me, just trying to dish out what's in my mind.

It is better for us to shine our eyes very well before jumping into marriage, I will not be the there to separate fight....🤣🤣🤣 Silly Mary 😋, I will be taking my leave now🚶🚶

$ 0.03
3 weeks ago

😂😂😂🤣😂🤣 your humour with your comments...I love them. Absolutely, we shouldn't force things and we must respect ourselves enough to walk away when our goals don't align.

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3 weeks ago

Blushing will not kill me ☺️☺️☺️, yeah comment section is always fun, so doing what I love to do....

Why forcing yourself when there are some people looking for you outside, I wish everyone could just understand This.

$ 0.01
3 weeks ago

I like that. You give amazing comments.

Absolutely, I wish many people can understand this so they can do better as well.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

Some people are lucky of good partners while some are not and yes the best decision to make is not to settle for less. Thanks sir for the write up.

$ 0.01
3 weeks ago

So true. I am glad you enjoyed it. Thank you.

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

You're always welcome

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

☺️☺️

$ 0.00
3 weeks ago

This is a very sensitive topic especially in this generation where everybody likes everybody. I understand this very well because when I was way younger I was a stand-in boyfriend that was because I was too young to understand that I deserved more but now I know better. Thank you for this article 👏👏👏👏👏👏you did justice to the title

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago

Hahaha you were dealt the card of the stand in boyfriend too. Glad you know better and when we love ourselves enough, we won't give discount.

Thanks a lot.

$ 0.02
3 weeks ago