Broken Pieces of Tears, Regret and Anger.

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Yesterday, I made a post and I shared some deep things about myself. You can read the post here when you have time. I am thankful to everyone who took out time to give their thoughtful comment, it means a lot. A lot of people can relate to the things I shared because they have also been dealt a blow at one point or the other about life and speaking with @tired_momma and many others yesterday gave me the courage again to share further insight.

We all have our stories and it takes courage to share them even though it sometimes leaves us vulnerable. We don't have to rush it but we have to get to the point where we are strong enough to share it. It's totally okay if you are not strong to share it yet...never be pressured into doing what will affect your mental health. We are all different and uniquely built too, so it takes others longer while others might be quicker and because it takes someone longer doesn't mean they are not strong, no, it took longer because they are getting stronger every single day. It took me long to get to this point too.

The azure sky promised us a beautiful morning that day but the splendour of it was ruined by the unfortunate turn of events later that day. I was still in my former city (Ibadan; Oyo State) when the incident happened. It was in the early hour of the morning and it was around 4 am she told me she was seeing the signs the doctor told her. As a newbie, we just rushed out. My office wasn't far from the house. All I needed was to cross to the other side of the express and I am already at work.

I can't afford to leave her alone, so I called another colleague who was closer to the office to rush to the office and take the car to make it easier. Within 30 minutes he was already with us and we were ready too. We got to the hospital at 5 am prompt and they attended to us. They gave us the bed space we needed and the nurses attended to us as well.

It looked like it would be an easy one because they came from time to time to check the level of the dilation. They told us the level it should get to make it easier for her to push through and it was taking longer than expected. They gave her a drip to induce it but nothing seemed to work. They increased it from one to three and that's where I was wondering what they were doing.

I think if we were completely unaware of things it should be the duty of a doctor to make us aware of the various options we have but they said nothing. They just kept coming and going and from 5 am, it took them till 4 pm before they took her to the theatre. My issue is since she hasn't dilated up to the centimetre they wanted, why take her to the theatre to make her push? Even if you wanted to cut her, are you going to cut 3 centimetres or more to achieve it? Why not take her into Operating Room instead to avoid the stress and tiredness of the baby?

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They wasted another 2 hours in the theatre and at that time, the baby was tired already. They didn't act swift at all and it was annoying. Around 6 pm, that was when they decided they would do an operation because the heart rate of the baby was already dropping. They haven't even prepared the operating room as at the time they decided they would operate. They were still moving up and down trying to get the things they need to operate!!! A whole hospital and this isn't just a small hospital because I made sure we went to the best around to make up for being a novice since it was our first time.

I wasn't allowed into the operating room as expected, and I was pacing around the hallway just in front of the operating room for 2 whole hours while praying. I didn't even know time had gone because I was praying even amidst fear. The first nurse that came out gave it all away for me to know something was wrong. I asked her a question but she didn't even answer. I peeped through the glass and saw them as they were trying to revive the baby. My attention switched from the baby to my wife and hope she was okay because I sensed within me that the baby was gone already.

They came around to use all medical jargon to cover up their lapses and some family members even threatened to sue but I wasn't ready for all that nonsense but I was torn apart. I walked in to see the baby lying lifeless and I couldn't stop the tears. He was so cute and big too but he was gone. I asked him why he didn't stay but I was only talking to myself.

My wife was wheeled into the private room and even shaking from the cold from the OR but she felt better after some minutes and I was left with the hardest task of how to tell her. I was by her bedside when she woke up and she asked for her baby. I had to come up with a lie and told her the baby had some troubles and he had to be monitored so he was in a special room. She asked me more than 5 times around midnight to go and check on him to be sure he was still breathing and I went every time, those 5 times to where he was lying lifeless and came back to tell her he was fine. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.

I had to keep stalling till her mother was able to come and even my pastor. I stalled till evening and that was when she was told. My heart was empty and I was filled with both regrets, anger and tears because it could have been avoided but sometimes those you expect the most from end up disappointing and that's the case with this hospital.

They moved on with their lives while leaving us to gather the broken pieces of their terrible decisions.

I should stop right here.

Thank you for your time.