I deactivated my facebook to avoid people who were the reason why I am like this. It's not because I'm running away from someone or because I don't want to talk to someone, it's just that I really don't want someone to add to my headache, especially the things that are already giving me a headache.

That's why I chose deletion so that no one can send messages or call me, even my acquaintances, I'm too lazy to explain to tell my side over and over because they'll say it's like that and they won't listen. If you notice, in my last article I said, "Some people are dead and blind." which is super true right? Because, the people who I thought would listen and believe me once I say this or that don't listen. That they only listen to themselves, and they will never understand me.

It's not that I'm annoyed or angry, but you can't avoid being really irritated. Because, I'm not the person who won't go to work just because I feel something. Hello? My anxiety level is high so I can't really go in because I'm sure I'll cry while taking calls. What do they want me to do? Should I laugh or should I cry when customers call because I'm not okay?

I cannot really tell them that I will not go to work just because of this reason, mental health is not counted as a valid reason for not going to work or not being able to go to school. People don't recognize mental health as one of the valid reasons, they will compare you just because they don't know what you really feel. It hurts to think that despite everything, you're just one of the things they need so that the client doesn't scold them because it will be counted as a bad record.

What about the people who can't sleep well because of too many thoughts? Those people who don't know what to do to get well?

Those people who are dreaming, even in simple things, that someone will believe and listen to them? What about us? How do we try to show that we need help? How we try to smile just to show how good we are, how? With so many thoughts on my mind, I don't know where to start and how to escape from everything. I don't want my partner to cover all the expenses and I don't want her to pay for everything because I will be leaving work and all I can do is write.

Being the one who understands my feelings, I suddenly realized that time that at the end they were right, it's only me who understands my real emotions. I suddenly realized that no matter what I explained, no matter what I said, they would not understand me. They have many reasons, they will say that you feel this way because of that.

I don't know if I will choose to explain, if I will choose to say the right thing. Because for sure you won't listen either, you won't listen to me and you won't understand me.

So earlier Abra experienced a 7.3magnitude of earthquake while here in Baguio we experienced 2.1 magnitude. I'm floating earliernsince I just got out from work and I have no idea that it's already an earthquake lol. Late realization lmao, but hopefully everyone is fine

Final thoughts

• How's everyone? Me? Here, I'm getting ready for my work later. It's still at 10pm but I love taking bath early so that I won't missed anything later and I just need to get ready to go to work.

13 days left before my last day, I'm not sad or anything. BPO is my dream job but I don't want to see my health suffer because of being awake all night. This is the most saddest part of being a call center agent. Whenever you used to love your job, that's where all unexpected things happening.