When Angela said, "Oo, pagod ka na. Pero di ka nagiisa, kaya't lumaban ka..sabihin. Ako nalang muna."

Let me share you kung ano ang nasaisipan ko, since child my parents didn't give me the love that I'm expecting. Andiyan yung wala silang ginawa kundi ihalintulad ako sa iba, wala silang ginawa kundi sabihin na magiging ganito ako ganyan, na kahit anong gawin ko...bigay ko man yung best ko para sakanila, bigay ko man lahat para sa magustuhan nila..narealize ko bigla na kinakalimutan ko na pala yung own happiness ko para sakanila, tinatlikuran ko na sarili ko para sa mga bagay na di naman dapt at di naman talaga.

Until sa mafeel ko na mentally and physically tired na ako, until sa dumating na ako sa punto na sobrang nakulangan na ako sa sarili ko. I feel stress and depressed, I feel tired mentally, physically, emotionally tired. That's when I figured out na I killed my own happiness for them.

So instead, my cousin make a decision. She booked a flight for me to go in Baguio where the love of my life live. And my bf offer me help to have a job whenever I get there.

Actually, this decision is not selfish at all. My parents know this and they all agreed. The only deal was, I'll keep them updated when I'm already far from them. (Aww, they didn't show their love but still worried).

My cousin told me that she's worried about my mental health. I might go crazy again if this continue. So, she made a plan about my flight. And she booked it 8 months from now. (Sorry my grammar are not perfect).

She pay everything on her wallet, but I'm worried because I don't have any enough money to pay expenses if ever I get there. But my cousin told me na "Bumawi ka pag may work kana, kahit wag ka muna magbigay at mag trabaho ka muna. Bigay mo pag nakasweldo kana".

I have enough money in my pocket, but I’m sure it’s not enough tho that’s why I need to work asap when I got there.

She already talked to my parents about it, they don't have any problem with my decision if it's for them. I told them na di ako pupunta dun for my own happiness, but I'll go there para sakanila.

Maybe this one is selfish for others, but this isn't. I choose myself at the same time the happiness for my parents. I can't stay like nothing dahil I'm just a only child and I need to do this for myself and for my family.

I'll be thankful for my boyfriend's help.

It was 8 months from now so I can earn enough money to go there, in the name of God I'll claim it.

So what is the problem of being the oldest but yet the youngest child?

Responsibilities

• I have this responsibilities which I need to catch them all because I don't have any siblings both side. My step brothers and sister already had their own family and they don't want to help them since they said na "Andyan naman si gyra, sya nalang".

Catching Everything

• Since I am an only child, all I can do is to do my best for them. Even though sometimes the people surrounds me stabbing me at my back, but idc. I love my parents and I can’t ignore them.

Trust Issue

• this one is my main problem, since I am one only they can’t avoid to share their thoughts about getting pregnant at early age, but they know that I’m not straight and I’m a lipstick lesbian 😅 (I’m proud of it).

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There’s many problems but I can’t put them one by one because mental block is waving while I’m still typing this 🤣 I’m sleepy today and I feel tired.

Okay so what’s on my mind?

• I’m planning to finish my today’s year semester and I’ll continue it when I had enough money to support myself.

My main goal is, I will support them first than myself. I need to give everything they want before me, ofcourse saving is one of my plan and I’ll work with it soon.

I’m so thankful, because the person I love are willing to help me to get a job when I got to Baguio. I’m shy because it’s not her responsibility to catch me but she told me that even if I’m not her responsibility but she’s still willing to help me 🥺 aww so sweet 🤣.

I hope she agree about my payback when I got there. I want to pay her back on everything. God knows how thankful I am to meet her. I hope she’ll not change.

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Author’s Note

Thankyou so much @TengoLoTodo for renewing your sponsorship ❤️ I really appreciate it and also thank you @ExpertWritter for a huge upvote. And thank you for the users who kept supporting me despite of my absences ❤️ I’m so thankful about you guys. Although, I don’t know how to do a payback because Rusty is absent for almost 2 months but still I’ll not give up on this account.

Also thankyouuu for the sponsorships renewal from all of you, my heart is melting right now I wanna cry 🤣.

10-24-21
by: OfficialGamboaLikeUs