Last last day, I saw some of the users who wrote and article about fever, and now I'm also having a fever and my temperature reach 38.8. I don't know if it's normal or kinda high, I feel dizzy and I just want to rest.

Last day, I go to my school because I need to get a clearance so that I can have my Diploma during my SHS days. I still have a balance so I pay it, it was 1,650php or 32$.

Senior Highschool don't have free tuition especially because I'm from another school which is that school is holding a free tution.

So why did I transfer?

First, because of Bullying. During my Junior days, my classmates always bullying me it's because I am chubby. My g7 days was the worst of all, it is the year where I don't want to go to school because I am thinking what if something like this happen? Whenever I go inside the room, my classmates always staring at me and then start laughing. There are times where I was walking inside the room and then suddenly they throw some worms on me and laugh it off. I feel insulted and I wanna cry, but crying isn't become my option. See? I was used to be so tough but now I am weak.

I still remember when the principal start making fun of me, he goes by room and start teaching. When he reach my section, he look and me and said, "Oh the one with no neck", my classmates laugh, and I also laugh but it really feels insulting. Like, all of my year ever since I was still in Elementary I've been bullied. So who's gonna never used to it?

I also experience where I wanna took my own life in front of my classmates when I reach Grade 5, because they were bullying me too much. I have no friends, I have no buddies, I have no one to talk to, I have no one to be with. I'm always going and walking alone, I'm not even sure where am I heading, I just walking and walking and questioning myself my I was like this and why I don't have any friends of mine.

Second, even the teacher is making fun of me. My teachers didn't bother to asked me a question, to asked me about everything, to ask me about something. Sometimes they will start telling jokes and I am the example, yes. They always mentioning me as their examples and then they will told me that, "Don't take it personally, it's just a joke., No ma'am, that's an insult.

I know the difference between joke and insult, I know the difference between the two of them but I can't manage to say a word or to correct them because they're not listening to me and they're not trying to understand everything. All they were doing was to sit down and watch their one of the student struggles without telling them that everything will be okay.

I lost my scholarship because of being absentism.

When I was still in elementary, I used to be on top 2 and 3, and because of that they refer me a scholarship where I can get 10k per sem. When but, everytime I became older, I lost my motivation to study. I lost my will to do what I want, I lost everything and I lost what I really want. I want to stay on that spot, but everything's change when my mother told me if I can't get into top 1. It's hard, yes it's really hard. Because even though I'm a top student, I can't deny the fact that my classmates where always bullying me.

I'm still scholar when I moved out, and my scholarship was gone when I reached Grade 9 because everything becomes so tough. I go back to house when I reached G9 because seems like I can't handle things anymore. I'm so down and I thought my family will help ne to cheer up.

I regret going back to them because it's become so worst, I wish I just stayed alone and let myself learn how to be strong. And that's the time where I developed my anxiety that bad, I remember when I always passed out because of what I feel. It makes me feel dizzy and sometimes I can't breath, I always found myself being in bed and crying over the same reason.

I didn't come to school for like 1 month, one of my auntie and her adopted child help me to get over with it. My auntie is a psychiatrist and her adopted child is a nurse. I'm lucky to have them both, it was Areum's big sister. But her big sister died due of suicide last year, and Areum wants to be a nun because Idk what reason.

What is the positive things when I transferred?

I gain a lot of friends, yes you it right. Eversince I transfer to other school I met a lot of them who's become part of my new life with a new school. I like them, I am a talkative person and they so too! They accepted me of who I was and they motivating me not to stop and to keep going. I was so thankful of having them in mylife, I was so thankful because they are the reasons why I experience a great year during my SHS.

And not that I'm a college student, they were still classmates and we are still counting day by day. And I am so tha kfuk to met them.

Well, whatever reason we still need to fight for it. Maybe that honor is not for me, even though I lost scholarships but still I am happy. Since I lost my scholarship, I found me, I found myself. That's the only time where I told myself that school is not my home, and what my real home is myself. I can't be me if I ever focused on studying. I know some people will think that it is important, but no. For me, what's the most important is being us..and being the real us all the time.

Author's Note:

Hi! How's everyone? So I'm kinda inactive due of being busy and then right now I'm having a headache. I already drink medicine, but my head feels dizzy and all I want is to lay down and do nothing. I hope everyone is okay!

By: OfficialGamboaLikeUs.