How Shame Plays A Crucial Role In Your Behaviour

Shame is a powerful emotion. It’s the kind of feeling that can make you want to crawl under a rock and hide, at least until it passes. This emotion can also make you lash out in anger, or even cause you to disappear from social situations entirely. And while it’s completely normal to feel ashamed in some circumstances, if you find it hard to control your emotions or you’re feeling abnormally self-conscious on a regular basis, there may be something more than just an embarrassing event at work here.

A recent study conducted by Brown University assessed the role of shame in the development of social anxiety disorder (SAD). The research showed that even without any known major triggers for this condition, the experience of intense feelings of shame can be enough to cause SAD symptoms like nervousness and negative thoughts about oneself.

This is because emotional pain has the ability to “rewire” our brain circuitry over time , turning people into their own worst critics.

Researchers believe that experiences of shame are so powerful because they tap into our survival instincts. For millions of years, feeling embarrassed was a sure sign that you had violated one of the crucial social rules that ensure survival in small groups (for example, don’t embarrass other members or else they may turn against you). This is why shame is often described as an “internal saboteur;” it can act like a warning system to keep you safe from harming yourself by talking out of turn at work, blurting out secrets to people who might use them against you, or even starting fights with others.

But while this emotion can help protect us under certain circumstances, scientists have also found that being overly sensitive to shame makes people more likely to develop symptoms of a wide range of conditions, including depression and eating disorders.

This is because feeling a constant sense of shame causes us to feel disconnected from other people, more defensive around criticism , and less likely to reach out for help.

This can make it harder to recover from any kind of mental illness or addiction .

In some cases, shame also encourages us to develop addictions in the first place. Researchers explain that this emotion triggers our desire for instant gratification (a way to numb the pain), which may lead you to turn to drugs or alcohol as a quick fix. In fact, studies show that people with addictions often have higher levels of shame than those who don’t struggle with substance abuse and are more likely to avoid social situations where they might be tempted to drink or do drugs.

As with any feeling, the key to overcoming shame is simply to learn how to deal with these intense emotions when they strike. Here are three steps that can help you break through this mental block and come out of hiding:

Walk Away And Take Some Time To Recharge

When you feel overwhelmed by shame, it’s important not to let it control you . This means taking a time-out from whatever situation is triggering your negative thoughts and giving yourself permission to walk away for a while even if “a while” only ends up being 30 seconds. Studies show that just allowing yourself a brief moment of reprieve will lower your levels of anxiety and provide space for you to begin thinking more clearly.

Talk It Out With A Trusted Friend

After cooling down for a bit, it’s important to talk through your feelings with someone you trust especially if the situation that triggered them wasn’t resolved in your absence (for example, if you feel embarrassed after blurting something out in front of others). As anyone who has ever had to suffer through listening to someone unload their problems will tell you , sharing our struggles reduces the pressure we feel when carrying them by ourselves. Before long, simply discussing your problems can help you see things more clearly and find ways around them .

Imagine What You Would Say To Someone Else In The Same Situation

The next step is imagining what you would tell a friend if they were the ones feeling overwhelmed by shame. This lets you think more objectively about your own problems by considering how you’d be able to stand up for yourself from their perspective. For example, someone who feels embarrassed because of a mistake at work might imagine saying something like: “I know it was an honest mistake and I appreciate your willingness to help me improve .” The conversation you have with yourself should focus on being gentle, but also clear about what matters most to you .

In all three steps above, it’s crucial that you remind yourself that no one is perfect, which means that anyone who judges or shames us has probably done the same exact thing before without caught. As a result, even if we still feel embarrassed after listening to what others have to say, the best thing we can do is forgive their judgement and remind ourselves why we’re not as flawed as they might assume.