Think about His Goodness

July 14, 2022

Today makes me appreciate God for letting me experience the wonderful things that my job has to offer. It does not only serve as my bread and butter. It also provides me with challenging experiences that help in honing me professionally and holistically.

Every day my heart beats for my bosses. They gave me butterflies in my stomach. I won't be able to stay in one place as I'm constantly searching for ways how to satisfy them. Every day I'm anxious. My confidence level drains every time I have to do something. I feel like I'm small. I'm afraid that I'm not doing my job well. I overthink. I want to do my best and exceed their expectation. But every day, I also doubt myself. I doubt if I'm good enough or if I delivered my outputs well.

Nevertheless, I'm grateful for this opportunity. This whole work experience gives me a roller coaster ride of emotions but I'm up for it. It wouldn't be the same if my bosses aren't the very people who make me get up in the morning. You see, I wanted to show up early at work. I want to beat myself. I want to fight procrastination.

Sometimes, I feel like I understand why I wasn't hired in Deped immediately. God allows me to experience the things that I'm experiencing now. I'm not the person I am today if it weren't for the experiences that I had as an online teacher and the experiences that I have now. He let me meet new people and even let me come in close contact with those with power. I'm often intimidated but I'm always thankful and proud to be given such an opportunity.

These unexpected turns in my career are somehow blessings in disguise. I just fail to appreciate them oftentimes as I'm too blinded by the idea that my DepEd dream isn't fulfilled yet. Maybe God placed me here in my situation now to help me be more equipped and functional as I walk through the journey of becoming a teacher. Or maybe I'm not destined to be there. Thinking of that possibility pains me. I wouldn't be able to handle the pain that comes along with failing my parents and my family.

With these, I place my utmost trust in God knowing that later on He will reveal His plans and fulfil His promises to His people. I just hope that He'll provide me with an extra ounce of patience so I can worship and dance while waiting. I also pray that He will allow my parents and family to witness how He works in my life. I want my parents to watch me and be with me as I attain success. To them and God, I offer my success. Soon, I will make them proud. Soon and every day, to God be the glory!

*lead image is from unsplash.com

Thanks for reading. Until the next read!