Things that makes you go hmmm- confidence.

February 25, 2022

Confident people are appealing to me. I really find it amazing how they communicate and get along with people well. Some of them can stride through tasks given to them because they have this strong belief to themselves- they have a complete trust on their own capabilities. These very people seem to have a happy and spontaneous life- one which is unguarded. They seem to welcome change, embrace different people and complete tasks without difficulty. They seem to go about their day just feeling themselves, just feeling free and happy. I envy this kind of personality. I have longed for confidence for a long time. I knew that there are a lot of opportunities that comes along with it and now I want it badly. Of course, wanting something badly doesn’t mean that you’ll wake up one day with the presence of it. We are not kids anymore that if we want something, we just have to cry non-stop and our parents will automatically comfort us using the things that we want. Life doesn’t work that way. We have to work for it and undergo some process.

I am certain that my lack of self- confidence springs from the trait I inherit from my dad. He is undeniably shy that he won’t accompany us in any of our school affairs. His shyness came to the point wherein he won’t appear during family functions even when his brothers come home from abroad to visit their mom and catch up with the whole fam. Whenever we have visitors at home that doesn’t concern him expect that he would be nowhere from your sight. He only receives visitors that he is expecting- people whom he has business with. I don’t like this personality of him. I hate it when he won’t come to our school affairs. My mom is always there making sure that we don’t feel neglected but once in a while, we would still invite and encourage him to be present during any graduation ceremony. Most of the time he agrees especially when the event is still months away but when it draws near, he would shy away and would just recommend my mom to take his place.

These days he would use his teeth as an excuse on why he won’t mingle with other people. Most of his teeth are absent maybe because of too much weight- lifting and work. My father is only fifty years old yet he looks older than his age because of working too much. He has been working since his teenage life since her dad died. He had to take over his place so the rest of his brothers can still go to school and my grandma won’t have a hard time raising them. Growing up, I saw how my dad is as a responsible family man. Now that we have finished our studies and they won’t have to fund for us that much, we encourage him to buy marple teeth but he refuse because he will use his money to rehabilitate his damage kiln and he waits for me to get in the Deped so the pressure is on me. Lol

Anyway, as was saying I am not confident maybe because of the traits I got from my dad. Another reason is that I don’t feel beautiful. Charot! Do you ever feel like shrinking just because you are not feeling beautiful? Beauty gives us confidence. That is why we try to enhance our beauty as much as possible by wearing make-up and putting on our best clothes. However I’m not that type of girl. I am shy if ever I would have a change of heart on the way I dress or look so that is why I feel my same old self. Unconfident. I know already what would make me confident however I’m too shy to do it. Can you slap me for me to be more determined? I think I needed some push or not. Whatever. We all need have things we want to be and I hope I got to achieve mine because it is achievable and it is necessary in my line of work. Introvertness won’t help me in the long run. It would only derail my capabilities and limit the opportunities.

I hope someday I would wake up from this bad dream with a cup of confidence on the table beside my bed.

*Lead Image is from Unsplash.com

Thank you for reading. Until then.