11232021

I know. I know. My title is cheesy. I know anyone would throw up after reading that but it is really what is inside my heart. Charot.

It started when she had her baby. My sister went through a lot and I can't imagine how she felt that time. Motherhood was a life- changer for her. From the outgoing sister to a homebody. She became responsible when her daughter came into our lives. She bacame wiser in handling her finances.

She was never alone in taking care of her daughter because whenever she felt like sleeping or doing something else, we would take over. My niece became the light and the joy of our family. The baby we never thought we needed. To this day, when our parents would imagine scenarios of what might not happen before, they would say that they can't imagine a life without our niece.

I mean, we went through a lot of adjustments when we had her. I never had an upgrade of allowance in college contrary to what my parent's promise after my sister would graduate. My supposed-to-be additional allowance was intended for my niece. Life was hard that time. My father is a farmer, my mother would sell our farm produce of banana and chili weekly. My sister was jobless and taking care of her baby that time while me and my brother were still studying.

But with God's grace, we were able to surpass the challenges and overcome that difficult situation. As months went by, my sister grew bored of staying at home and taking care of her baby. She felt like she was left behind by her classmates and friends. She inquired a job and was hired of a job she never thought she would have. Between the two of us, I have a dream of working in a BPO company but it is her that is working there until now.

God has really profound ways of answering our prayers. My sister complains that her communication skills is not great. But still she was hired. I can still remember how she prepared some possible interview questions before going to Cebu. The job was easy for her because it was email-based or chat-based. I'm not really familiar with how to call that but the thing is she never have to answer a call. In her time working there, she learned various stuff financially and technically. She learned how to handle her finances and from the way she talked to us, I knew that she was happy and that she earned confidence.

But the sad side of her working away is that she left her daughter. She already missed two birthdays of my niece. When she left, my niece was just starting to walk but now she can run around and would cry when you wouldn't accompany her to stroll around the neighborhood. She missed a lot of milestones of her daughter already. If only my eyes would turn into CCTV, I would really be willing to be of service so she can see her daughter's whereabouts in real-time. Of course, we would video call her from time to time but the connection and bond would still be limited.

Pre-pandemic, she would come home from Cebu to here in Southern Leyte every month but when the pandemic hits the country, traveling home for her was restricted. She would tell us that she want to come home but she can't imagine coming home here and staying at home without a job. She is a licensed teacher already and she is in the official list of Registry of Qualified Applicants for three years of ranking already but she still haven't secured and item in the teaching field. Sometimes, I would ponder how some people stride into the position without even working from it. They are priviledged and they must be grateful about it. They are applicants who made it through the teaching field eventhough they are almost in the tail of the list of the RQA, but still they made it, loud and proud. How I wish we could have the same priviledge as them.

Many times I would fall into the dark pit of self-pity, hatred and hopelessness. Then I would snap myself out of it as it is unhealthy and consuming. I would just settle with the idea that maybe God is still working something better for the two of us. That He is preparing our attitude and behaviour towards things before He gives us what we have been praying for. At night, I would beg to Him to at least help my sister find a job nearby so she could work and at the same time witness her daughter growing because you see, "minsan lang tayo bata" or "minsan lang tayo magiging bata" , so I want her to earn a lot of memoried of her daughter as much as she can and feel the joy that we have been feeling because of her daughter being around.

God is not finished yet. We may find him late or silent but He is working even when He seems quiet and distant. Our prayers are a "Yes" to Him already, it is just a matter of when and how. We may receive something different from what we have prayed for but know that it is ghe best for Him. We may receive something that is overdue but know that in His eyes it is the most-qualified time for us to have it.