Letting Out

November 12 | Saturday

On my first day of teaching, I felt like giving up. Simply because there's so much work to do. It's a challenge that many try to unsee and ignore.

I'm teaching grade five and grade six students. There are a total of 22 pupils in one classroom. They are only separated by one long table. In each class, there are eight subjects. They are divided into two. Four of them are to be taught on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The rest will be on the remaining days. I felt overwhelmed by the situation where I'm in. After I discuss a topic in Grade six, I will then proceed to discuss a topic in Grade five. The process goes on until 5 in the afternoon.

It's not easy especially for me for I'm not trained to teach such students. I'm a BSEd graduate and I'm used to teaching English subjects to high school students or college students. However, I wake up trying my best to deliver the lessons well yet after an arduous discussion, pupils can't still seem to grasp the lesson as they would only blink their eyes and smile when they are asked questions.

Not to mention the episodes wherein they would constantly roam around or sit in another chair. They would also fight or talk to their classmates even though I'm around. No matter how many times I scold them, they remain unmove and they would still go on with their agendas. It's hard and frustrating to be scolding the pupils every hour of the day. The work is draining already and yet the students are also equally frustrated. I don't know if I would ever stay longer in the field.

Maybe I'm just being too idealistic. Perhaps this is a part of what a newbie felt like. Some of the grade six students cant read. I don't even know where to start. I'm giving my all every day yet it felt like it was never enough.

It's hard to stay dedicated to your work when your colleague doesn't display the same enthusiasm as you. My colleague is mostly mothers. They would come home every day. Because the way from the workplace isn't favourable, their working hours are jeopardized. They would arrive at the school almost at almost 8 am and come home at quarter to four. Worst, they would come home when it rains even though it's only 2 in the afternoon.

Today, none of them show up at school because it rained in the morning. They're afraid to come to school because when it rains hard, there's a chance that they won't be able to come home as they wouldn't be able to cross the river because of the flood. Ahhh. Everything seems to be a problem here.