My Greatest Fear as a First Time Mother

Having a baby is a blessing, cliche as it may sound but that's true. It is such a joy to see someone who is from you, he's flesh and bone came out from you. Knowing that you have been given the opportunity to be a steward of a single or perhaps multiple souls is already a blessing beyond measure.

Prenatal Frights

But together with this joy of welcoming a baby comes also fears of any sort. I have so many fears from the start of my pregnancy. As someone who had gone through a past ectopic pregnancy with an operation, I had doubts and fears, I can't avoid thinking of negative things. Upon giving birth, I had also fears like the pain in giving birth, the baby's situation inside my tummy, and a lot more. I had fears of his health, I feared about my labor, will I die giving birth? I had several thoughts that made me sleepless.

Postpartum Anxieties

Then after giving birth, I thought about how I can give the best for my baby. Every single parent aims of giving the best for their children. Sometimes, the best of this parent might not be the best for the other. But they are both giving their very best to this individual who's dependent on them. I researched, read a lot of tips, and engaged in multiple forums and groups so that I could gather as much information as possible. Indeed, motherhood brought out the essence of being a woman in me.

Both my husband and I had made great decisions just so we could be able to attend to our baby's needs. I have to sacrifice my job, be a full-time mother, it was not easy, several things were going on in my mind, but I have to sacrifice, love indeed is sacrificial!

My Greatest Fear - Motherhood Worries

Pondering now that one of the kids at home is having fever with colds and cough and is not as lively as when he is not sick made me realized that this is my greatest fear - Matti getting sick.

It might be a small thing to others but this for me is a serious matter. A child is unable to speak, unable to express himself, and unable to point out what he is feeling means we have to guess what is going on in his body system.

I recall back when Matti started showing teething signs, someone told me that babies tend to catch a fever when they are teething. I monitored his temperature every single time we would take a bath, I was overthinking and whenever I felt like he is a little warm, I'd check his body temperature at least three times with different kinds of thermometer! It drove me nuts! Postpartum brings about several hormonal changes and psychological effects too! Thankfully, he didn't have any fever while teething at that time.

Then comes vaccination, there are many stories of other moms saying that during such vaccination, their babies had a fever, they won't drink milk, and so on. I was again overthinking, I even bought paracetamol in advance (it was also prescribed by his pedia) just to make sure that I am ready when the fever comes. Today, that box of paracetamol is still closed.

By the time Matti started crawling and training to walk, my parents and other neighbors would comment about making sure we handle the baby properly, or else he will get a sprain or what we call "piang". They mentioned the signs when a baby is sprained, the baby loses appetite, low energy for sure, and then there will be fever.

Mothers Worry Forever

I asked my mother, when did you stop worrying for us, your children? She smiled and said it will never stop.

See, a mother will continue to think about her children, no matter how old they are, she will always have them in her prayers, she will still ask for their situation and wonder about their condition.

According to my mom, you will understand once you will have a child, and true enough, so far, my fears and worries are just the genesis of a whole new world of worries and care. Soon, it will be a diversified set from their development, character, relationships, academics, and a lot more.

Call us overthinkers but that's just it, a mother's heart will never stop, perhaps even until the afterlife. As for me, this is just the beginning.

However, when worries, doubts and fears arise, I know that God has the best plan for our lives, He is the one who gives and takes away and knowing his character that He is a good father, I surely know that He will never leave us nor forsake us in times of troubles.

Whatever is your status in life, may you be a mother or not, can you share what's your greatest fear?

xoxo,

mommy jean of momentswithmatti

Love harder than any pain you've ever felt.