I am dreaming of.

As a breadwinner, can I call myself selfless? Will I be included in the list of selfless individual? I've been supporting my family for two years now, and I can say I am proud of myself. I actually did not expect that I will be supporting them as I used to be the one getting supported and I am a very dependent person. But for some reason, tables really may turn the way we did not expected it to be.

Being a breadwinner is actually not easy yet fulfilling. You will be the bridge for them to reach their dreams. You'll be the one to be with them dreaming. And you yourself has a dream for them.

But as a breadwinner, are we allowed to dream for ourselves? To be somehow choose not to be selfless for once?

I myself has a lot of dreams I wanted to achieve. Big and small, I wanted to achieve them. Not right now, but in no time. With hardwork and determination. Courage and perseverance.

In five years.

In five years, after I fulfill my dreams for my family I wanted to fulfill mine. Hopefully. Will pray for it.

HAVING TO TRAVEL ALONE

This. I badly wanted this to happen. Not now, but soon. Yes, I am a dependent person in the past, but I learned already how to stand alone. With that, I believe I can go on. I wanted to experience the feeling of getting out of the country alone. Enjoying yourself. Yourself only. The feeling that you will not be bothered by someone. The feeling that you can do what you want to do. It feels like soul searching. I wanted this. I wanted to stamp my passport with a different stamps from other countries. I wanted my IG to be filled with beautiful pictures of the places that I've been to. I wanted to experience the peace from within.

HAVING MY OWN COFFEE SHOP

Too good to be true. But this is one of the biggest dream I am aiming for. I do not know if I will be able to realize this. But to be honest, I already have a name ready for it. I do love coffee. I really wanted to create a shop where you can feel that you are at home. Coffee is one of the essential a person wanted to have at least once a day, and I wanted to give them what they want. I wanted to build a shop where people will go there with their friends and family. I wanted to build a shop where relationships will be strengthen; may it be a friendship or a lover. A shop that can be a go to place of someone that needs peace and some time alone. A shop that can help people relax.

HAVING MY OWN HOUSE

To be honest I do not dream of having a grand and very huge house. I do not dream of having the most expensive one. What I dream of is a house that I can feel like home. A house enough for me to have my own bedroom, a kitchen, a dining and a living area, a comfort room, and a small balcony. Ever since, I have been dreaming of having a house that is made up of "amakan", it is a material made of bamboo. That is what I like the most. An amakan house with a small garden of flowers and small garden of veggies at the backyard. A liitle yard where I can chill and relax. A simple place where I can feel comfortable and where I can feel that I am at peace.

HAVING MY OWN SMALL FAMILY

I always wanted to have a small family. A family of four; a husband, one boy, one girl, and of course me. That's really what I wanted ever since. A family that I wanted to be with in happiness and pain. A family I wanted to have to see me achieve my dreams and a family I wanted to share my success with. I wanted to be a loving wife to my husband. I wanted to be a mother to my children. I wanted to prepare foods for them. I wanted to have a family that go to church together. That prays together. That laughs together. I wanted to have a happy family.

I may be dreaming these things that's too good to be true, but I will still cintinue to dream. Dreaming is free. I can dream as much as I want. I wanted to see all of my hardwork being paid off with these things. I wanted all the sleepless nights, stressful days to be filled with these dreams. I wanted to reward myself with these. They say, dream big, work hard. I'll make sure to do that. I'll never forget as well God, He's the only one that has the hold on fulfilling my dreams. I will never stop asking for His approval for the things I wanted to have. After all, it is His will that matters.

-Miss Jo 💜

** image from Google