09.25.22

Me just trying to write something out of the blue and I think the weather is affecting my mood. Does this happen to you too?

The weather was a bit gloomy yesterday, it was kind of drizzling all day. Drizzle is not bad thinking that Tacloban is one of the places where typhoon usually hits.

Anyway, I have saved several topics since last week and I can't seem to finish. Maybe it was just because I noticed something with my husband last night. I feel like this is also the time to get this off of my chest.

In my previous article, I mentioned that we are having a financial crisis. Just a heads up, I am not here to brag and for a first-time mom, I worry a lot about what's gonna happen and what we will need to do to recover.

I know that no one's to blame for such a situation where our family is in but like my husband always says and reminds me, 'prevention is still the best medicine.'

The In-laws

It was last July when Lil B and I were able to meet my in-laws in person. Everything was fine but what made us rush to Cebu immediately was that my mother-in-law was in ICU. I told my husband to let us go to Cebu so soon for a few reasons:

1. He doesn't need to worry about where to go on his days off from work. He may have trouble deciding if he will go back to Marikina or Cebu.

2. If we go to Cebu, we will be able to save money instead of my husband going back and forth from wherever.

3. Thinking about the worse thing that could happen and given the diagnosis of my MIL's condition at that time, I told him that my MIL knowing that we were just nearby, might be able to recover soon.

4. We'll be together as a family.

MIL was already more than a week in the ICU since we got there. She was confined in Chong Hua Hospital and had several doctors monitoring her condition.

Finances

Hospital bills

We didn't have any problem contributing to my MIL's hospital bills, she's our mother of course. However, one person who got me pissed off was my SIL.

She wants my husband to loan 1m to cover the hospital expenses. I was like, wait is it gonna be all on you? We can't even afford to loan 1m then, nothing will be left for our monthly or even daily expenses. Meanwhile, her husband is an Air Force US veteran, then why is it gonna be all on us? Don't worry I didn't argue with my SIL.

My husband told them that we can't loan 1m, even if we can there be nothing left for us. We are just starting our own family and did my sister think that we are still investing in other things for Lil b's future?

When my husband told her that perhaps we can loan at least half, there was still something said. SIL has a friend who was able to loan a million pesos, yadah yadah yadah...and then told my husband that he just lacks mindset and budgeting skills. Again I was like, is she nuts? Coming from someone who's a full-time mom and has an eatery that looks like a hobby fulfilled, then when we got to Cebu most food and fruits are spoiled or about to spoil. Leftovers are super leftovers. Who's lacking budgeting skills or wasting money?

My husband got pissed off more and didn't say more. To end the conversation he just applied just in case MIL can be discharged soon, they already have the money.

He also gave a little amount for the remaining cash we had left before we went to Tacloban. Little did I know, aside from the amount that my husband loaned he already gave 100k beforehand. He took it out from his/our savings it was our remaining money our emergency money.

Financial crisis

Now we don't have any money left. We haven't paid for the trip going to Cebu and Tacloban, it was changed on my husband's credit card. We needed to borrow money from my friend just so we won't suffer from the penalty piling up.

We are minimizing our expenses just so we can get by, paycheck to paycheck. Even if we do the budgeting, it's still not enough for our expenses, rent, bills, house, food, Lil B's supplies, and laundry.

I was trying to cut off expenses that I can do alone. One was using Lil b's cloth diapers again so we don't have to buy disposables, another was I tried to do the laundry myself, by handwashing them, even cutting off food for myself.

I got tired mainly because I don't have enough time to do the laundry on my own. I am sure that some moms here can relate to how clingy your child can be. I was able to do that for a week and got burnt out, even broke down.

Family issues

Felt robbed

We actually felt robbed this year, not because my husband drained our savings. It was an issue when my MIL was first hospitalized this year, that was around January. She was hospitalized due to severe malnutrition.

To make the financial conversation short, my husband took care of the bill and sent the money to her sister's bank account.

A few weeks after, my husband went to Cebu unexpectedly. When FIL sent a picture with my husband, his sister messaged her. Basically, what happened was FIL told my husband that he paid for the hospital bill and left wondering where did the money my husband sent to his sister go. Then SIL messaged him that she'll give the money back but it would be better if they will use it to seal their house with glass doors for MIL's condition.

However, when MIL was hospitalized months ago and when we got there nothing was renovated in their house. The big question again is, where did the money go?

Assigning shares without asking.

My SIL got a habit of bossing around my husband. She tells her how much and what my husband should do or contribute when it comes to money, WITHOUT asking if we can afford it or if it's doable. If he contradicts it, negative side comments will be heard from her.

Half blood

My husband and her sister weren't full-blooded siblings but he never treated her as a half-sister. Instead, his sister was the one who treats him differently. SIL's father died and she was the firstborn child.

My husband tells me that she's been that way ever since. It may not be intentional but it looks like she's been like that ever since.

I also hate that she kind of blames my husband for their mother's worsening condition. She mentioned that their mother can't go out that much because my husband is using the car. Another thing was they can't renovate their house to put glass doors because FIL was still paying for the car at that time. AGAIN when she received and mentioned the money that my husband gave her, where did the money go?

Always right

She's also one of the people who think they are always right.

When MIL was first hospitalized due to malnutrition, I told my husband to suggest a psych consultation cause it could be depression that could lead to an eating disorder. No one listened and they just blamed the neighbor's grill, MIL's asthma, and of course other things mentioned above.

I was like if they just listened to my husband their mother's condition shouldn't have worsened.

More demands

We actually don't mind sharing and for sure my husband will find a way just to make his mother feel better. There was just one more thing, one more impractical thing that SIL asked my husband.

Once MIL will be discharged, they will rent a condominium from her friend that will cost 18k per month, plus a caregiver and other medical equipment that MIL needs. Caregiver is fine but why get an 18k condo that we thought was just near the hospital while there are other apartments with a cheaper rate?

I know that they just want the best for MIL but SIL asked if we can still contribute on a monthly basis. I was shocked to know the details, I read it from their conversation and I told my husband that we basically will have nothing to eat after getting loan after loan. They will have to shoulder that if they wish to push it, plus they were the ones who have better finances than us.

My husband just talks to his father about any issues too and he mentioned or asked why in a condo. If they have renovated the room with the money she took from us, they wouldn't have to rent another place. Why in a condo? Why spend on luxury rooms so that we can spend more on MIL's medicine and medical needs?

Listening won't hurt, and taking consideration and making compromises won't hurt either. We all have the same goal to get MIL better.

I am just gonna end it right here. I know that no family is perfect. I am not saying that I have better relationships with my sisters but I just don't like how they look down on my husband. He was just too kind to just take all the words and look away. I want him to fight especially now that he has his own family.

I am thankful that I got to meet them personally but I wish that they could treat my husband differently.

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