I was just infatuated thinking I was in love...

Why does she act this way?. I asked myself several times. I don't know why. Every time I am always trying to make her smile, I become a piece of shit. I don't know what is wrong. I gave it my all. Thinking she would reciprocate. But nay! Maybe when I am reborn again with her in a new world.

Does love truly fade?.

I thought I was in love but I realized I was just in a competition. I already knew how hard it kicks and touches every part of the veins when one gets hurt by love. I would have wished I would never fall in love again. But what about the day my heart began to draw closer to another heart. I don't know what to call that. Lust or love?.

I would give my all, my time, my attention, my ideas, and even my priority. I knew I already planted a seed in my heart but how would it get to grow out and fruit something everyone would want to glance at.

I just hope she could see through my heart and realize it doesn't have to come in a haste but it has to be something gradual. I hope she could just understand.

Lost or love.

I remember how I got played by a girl years back giving her much of my attention showing her how much I appreciate her. Giving her my all even to the extent that I would say I blindly fell in what I thought was love but just mere infatuations.

I realized I had attached myself so much to her that I am almost like a parasite to her. Maybe it's my world and I just can't do without her. I thought this should be a symbiotic relationship and not parasitic. I became a predator and fed on my prey. I moved on without taking a look back.

It's been such a long time. But why now?. Why her?. I don't know.

She was just the perfect type not until a time when everything began to change. When things get to turn around. The person I always spend hours with began to deteriorate to minutes. But still, I would always give my full attention. For almost all my words she had to smile but all I say now just seems like trash.

The love triangle

She does everything I ask of her and even makes amendments to my corrections. She calls me boss and also remains her respective self. But I never see the essence of all these If someone else could make her smile.

Maybe I was just playing along being my loyal self. I thought the love should keep revolving like a circle ⭕ but it seems it already went the other way round in a triangular 🔺 pattern. I give my attention but someone else is having her attention. I give my time, but she spends most of her time with someone else. I gave my feelings, but she has feelings for someone else. I tried making her smile but she gave those smiles to someone else.

I thought to myself, why have I shown her all my heart?. It wouldn't have hurt this much if I didn’t. I sometimes think I am just jealous but how can I help myself?. I don't know what is wrong with me but I am just down for now. Everything seems to have dated back to the past.

Maybe next time I wouldn't have to express all my heart and also take my time to play the game so as not to be loose again. I know it would take time to heal, but I am sure this would be the last.

A pure man's heart trying to recover from infatuation 🤣.

Article No 9

11:26 pm. Thursday 10th March 2022.