I'm Losing You once More

Hello dreamers of read cash universe. How's everyone here? Despite on the struggles that we've encountered since the start of the week, I hope that you can bare it all. I hope that you can still manage to put some smile on your lips. Hang on, I believe that we can all overcome this one. Don't forget that I'm always rooting for you.

Last night, I can't manage to published an article not because I can't think a topic but because my mind is too occupied. But I still manage to read some of your articles and I'm so thankful for that because it became one of the reason why I forget my problems for the mean time. Those interesting yet funny articles made me smile even it's a broken one. I'm sorry for my inactivity sometimes ,it seems that I can't able to focus anymore unlike before. But I'm still trying to read some. This week is so tough for me. I already shared to you that this week was our midterms exam so I need to review all the notes that I have. But the fact that our examination is essays and computations so it's little harder than I've expected. The time also pressures me so hard. I need to answer 10 essays within 1 hour and we need to answer it for not less than 300 words. Earlier we also did a midterm on one of our major and it's full of computations. Yeah, I expected that it should be like that because my major really involves analyzation and math but the pressure is really on. My internet connection is not also stable so when I opt to submit it, it suddenly refresh and I need to start from the beginning. I'm so frustrated until now because I able to finished it on time but I'm not sure if I answered it correctly.

At exactly 10:45PM yesterday night , I decided to go to my bed and take my rest. But I can't able to sleep because once again, I'm doing overthinking. I can't explain that I'm not sad but I'm not happy too. I can't figure out what's my problem. Maybe,I'm battling inside of me but my outside world can noticed it. Even though it's hard for me, I push myself to sleep because I need to have a good rest for my examination today. I guess I able to sleep after convincing myself for the nth time.

I suddenly woke up when I heard my phone beeps. There was a message from my friend in the province. I thought that she will gonna asked me if I'm still awake and trying to call me. Before reading the message, I went to comfort room to pee. My phone almost fell on the floor when I read her message. I even asked her if it's true or she just joking at me. It's not a nice joke if ever because it is a serious thing. I know that you are also wondering what she told to me. She just asked me " Bebe luvs, do you already know the news?" I really thought that it's another gossiping session or she will just said that her crush have already in a relationship. So I replied to her " I'm still too sleepy. Reserve that news later when I woke up again". Then she have a guts that I'm so clueless on what's happening there but then she still said " Bebe luvs don't be upset huh. But.." Yes, she didn't finished what she's trying to say so that moment I'm literally upset. Then I noticed that she is still typing so I waited her for a couple of minutes.

" Bebe luvs, Joy passed away earlier. Once again we lost a friend".

I can't really believe on what she said. Joy became my friend for almost a decade and I just talked to her last week via video call. Who would imagine that it would be our last? That time she still so happy and lively but I'm so dumb not to realize that she is not okay. Behind those smiles is a big problem she fights alone.No doubt, she is good at hiding her emotions. I didn't realize that she is suffering from anxiety. My friend said that Joy rushed to the hospital because she can't breath properly. Until the end, she choose to fight but she can't recover anymore. Anxiety is not a joke and it will never be a joke.

It's so heavy on my feelings because the other day, I also lost a friend because of brain aneurysm and now, I lost another one. In one week, I lost two special person in my life and I can't do anything but to cry out loud. I can't back to sleep because I remember those sounds from the hospital when my Dad also died 2 years ago. In fact, I can't deny that I can't still move on from that but here's another one. Because I don't want people here in the house worries about me, I tried to show a smile when they woke up. I still fixing my hectic schedule and finished my exams before going back to the province. Before I wished that having a reunion with them but I can't imagine that the reunion that I was expecting was happening on their funerals. I'm so excited to went home to my province but I've never expect that it would be the reason. But I know that they already rest in peace with God. They no longer experiencing pain anymore. They are so free but for now, I'm sorry because I can't still sink in what happened to them. It's too much to handle.

Closing Message:

I hope that everyone's mental health is really okay. Mine is little bit off now but I'm still trying hard to fix this. Maybe not now, I believe that I will overcome all of this triumph. I know that there is God with me. And you too, if you feel like nobody is there for you. If you feel like you struggling with something. Don't hesitate to talked to Him. Don't neglect to check your mental health okay? Ask for help if necessary. Let's pray for everyone's well being and please include to your prayers the soul of my friends. Thank you dreamers🥺