I will never fall in love again unless it's You

" Maybe, this is the price that I need to pay for deeply loving someone I weren't suppose to keep at all".

It's my fault ever since. No one should blame this except for me. I am such a crazy for loving a man that I know in the start that he can love me back. I push myself to be part of his life even I am aware that he don't have any interest on me. But what can I do? My heart seems to have its own mind and it longing for him. I'm so desperate to the point that I'm begging to him to let myself to be with him. He is kind enough because he agree on that. I can't blame him if he only take me for granted because I'm the one who pushed him to do that. I spoiled him even there's nothing left on me.

Love moves on mysterious way and I couldn't agree on that. People that surrounds me already told to me that I should keep my distance to him because at the end, I'm the only one who got suffered at the end. But I didn't listen to them. Who are they to tell me what should I do? This is my life, my heart and I'd rather choose to risk my all for the person I treat as my everything. We spend together and I'm happy with those days I am with him. I am happy even though I can feel that he didn't feel the same way. He only agree on our relationship because he pitied me. I've never expect that he will gonna give me the same energy and love that I give to him but somehow, there's a little hope inside of me that someday he will love me a bit somehow.

I was wrong but I still keep that relationship to bloom even he already want to cut it out. For so many times, I saw him hanging around and kissing other girl but I stay still because I love him. He is the only person who makes me feel like this. Even I was hurt by his act, I can't deny that I can still feel the excitement everytime I saw his face in the morning. There's still a spark within me everytime I look at him. He said sorry because I caught him with other girl and because I love him, I immediately accepted his sorry and pretend not to saw anything. I love him so much and I'm ready to be selfish just for him.

And yet the time has come. Even I hold him so tight and I make myself blind, he still break the ties. If before I begged to him now he is the one who is begging me. " Please let me go. We both know from the start that I don't love you and I will never love you. I pity you that's why I agree but right now, I pity myself because I feel like I am stuck being with the girl I've never feel anything. Even you stop me, I still go because I want to. Please don't bothered my life anymore. The fairytale you created is already reached the ending. I hope that someday, you find the love you deserve. But I'm not the man who will give you that".

Madness. Broken. Uncertain. Those are the words that I feel right now. Like what I've said earlier, you can't blame him for doing that because I'm the one who choose that. Somehow, I deserve to suffered this much. I need to pay for all the craziness I did. It's not on my mind that I will became like that because of a man. I want to hit myself on the wall because I let myself to be deeply in love with a man I should not love at all. It's not my heart who cause this but it is the decision I choose. But I didn't regret that because somehow, I experience to be happy with the guy I dream to be my ending. Maybe after this self-made relationship, I will not enter to any ties again. I just let myself be drowned with sorrow and madness. Until I die, I keep those memories I have with him. If multiverse is real, I still wishing that I love the same person as him.

~~~

Sometimes love is still not enough to keep the person. It would not be enough especially if they asking for something that you know that you can give. Love should be consist of two m, so don't let yourself be suffered on the love you don't deserve. You deserve a love that is genuine and not a love because of me. Don't begged for love because if a person is really loves you, he /she will give it to you without asking.

Greetings!!

Hey what's up dreamers!! How's your day? Hope you find some time to lay in a bed like me. I am enjoying the rainy weather here, reason for me to create this fiction piece. Honestly, I should not suppose to write this but my hands continue to type as if it knows what I literally want haha. Enjoy the rest of your night dreamers!!