Hello crazy dreamers, how's your life at your side. I hope that you are good, healthy and happy today. Always be safe in everything you do okay? Love lots 😘😘
I can't think a nice topic to talked about tonight, so I decided to share to you a bit of my Saturday's rants. Hope that you will not be boring reading this hihi.
I already shared to you that our second semester is already started yesterday. I really thought that we still don't have a class but unfortunately my thesis professor chatted us to think a thesis title and gathered all related studies and literature about it. Take note that we have a thesis defense next week. I'll be honest now, I'm a little bit nervous not on the subject but on our professor. She is a terror one and even though you put so much effort, you still get a 2.5 and below. It's still a high grades for some but I can't also blame those students who can't accept that because we all know that they deserve better. Imagine all of her students receive a same below grades. Honestly, there are some who were remove from the scholarship because of her. That's the reason why we totally hoping that we hope that she will not be our professor but we're so lucky because opposites happened. We don't have a choice but to accept the fact and to strive harder because we're facing a difficult battle again.
Yesterday I took an afternoon nap and when I woke up , I saw the president chat and she said that " Hello, you are one of the leaders in thesis hihi". My reaction is like " Huh, why me? I don't like to take it ahha". But she replied that she already give the list of leaders to our professor. I was left with no choice again but to face palm. I should know about it beforehand so I will not be shock right? But just like before, I think I need to accept about it. Our professor said that we are the one who will choose our members so it's gonna be easy for us to cooperate . Some of the leaders said
" Ma'am can you choose our groupmates because it's not easy to us to choose because our friends might be mad on us if we will not choose her. Also, we felt sorry for those students who have no choice". While the other leaders said,
" Ma'am , I only have 2 friends in our class and I don't know if they want to be my groupmates."But our professor have the same decision just like before, leader will choose the members.
Actually, I also find a hard time to choose because I have a lot of friends in our class and I only need 5 members including myself. I remember that one of my friend already said before that no matter what, she wants to be my groupmates. So I chatted her and asked if she will still wants to be my groupmates. She said " yes" in an instant. I also find other classmates to be our groupmates and they also give their approval. My groupmates is now complete and we are only waiting for the signal of our professor. But on the other hand, I felt guilty on some that also messages me and want to be part of my group. I honestly want to choose them also but it is restricted for 5 members so I definitely have no choice.
But it was last minute when that " one friend" chatted me and said that she wants to back out to our group and she wants to be with another group. She also said " Sorry but I'm desperate to have a high grades this sem so I'll choose to be with them". I just said "That's okay, I understand". I'm not mad on her because she have a choice to be with groups that she wants to but I kinda a bit disappointed about her words. It's like that she don't have a trust with our groupmates (including me) that we can passed this one. But the most sad part is, it seems that she doesn't have a trust on herself. But it was not end on that because she blocked me instantly on messenger. I don't get her reason why she do such thing though I said to her that I fully understand her decision. She left me with a question in my mind.
I turns into problematic person because I don't know where I get another person to fulfilled my groupmates. When I remember how I reject some because of her, I felt so really guilty to the point that I just want to sleep again. Good thing that I still able to find another name to complete my group list.
The time has come and we need to post the names of our respective groupmates. It was a last minute I think when she unblocked me and chatted me again. She said that if she can still join to my group because the group that she want stop join is already complete because they choose their friend over her. I replied on her that " I'm sorry but we are already complete." But she said " I'm the original one, can I still join? And also sorry for blocking you earlier, I just thought that you will be mad on me". I sigh while typing " I'm not mad on you because of that small thing but I admit that I'm a bit disappointed on your actions. It's okay that you choose them over us but.dont forget to put some trust on yourself too. I know that you can still showcase your knowledge if you want too. And I'm sorry because I can't let others be remove in my group just to replace you again. Hope you can understand "
Now, she fully understand my reason. I didn't blame her about her decision earlier so I'm just hoping that she also don't blame me for doing this. She is my friend but I should not be biased on my other groupmates. But I'm glad that she still able to find another group and she still not blocked me again haha. Maybe they are right when others said that " Thesis can ruin friendship" hahaha. But on our case, I guess we are still friends and gladly she just chatted me that she learn some things about it. We are now laughing about what happened earlier between us haha. I also realize that our groupings our really gone wrong as I've heard that there is some who got mad on other leaders because they didn't choose them. Hayst, I've never expect that it becomes like this. It is only a first day but it seems that we are already stressed. 😔