The spirit is willing but the body is weak... I've always made my health a priority due to past experiences... but hopefully, it gonna be alright.
I've not been active online due to some reasons, apart from school activities, I think I've been struggling with mental issues. I've been trying to create an article for the past few days that I was less busy, but I could not even think straight even when I have a lot of topics with me.. the more I try to force myself, the more difficult it becomes, I got to realize that I was dealing with the rule of life, which is the rules of drawn proofing...
... Everything seems to be falling apart.
The rain pours out the wind so bad that seems to Carry me away, still on my feet trying to keep myself together, trying to stay strong without shedding that one tear, trying to make it through the cold and harsh day. It all feels like staying in the twilight without seeing the sun, the moon, and the star then closing the eyes to allow the tears to drip down, caressing the cheeks as they make their way down the chin.
Don't want to face the world, but wants to hide because it seems like it getting tougher. Slipping slowly and it's like nobody is catching. Trying to empathize with the pain even though it's not the answer and it all feels like screaming because I'm losing my grip and want to fall out. It's so easy to act like it's all fine, but the demon inside haunts me every day and it feels like I'm more alone than I ever thought.
Face covered with a smiling face but falling apart inside and losing all control. Feel sick and find nothing so easy but trying to strive. Sometimes it hurts inside but doesn't know how to deal, and it looks like I don't have permission to feel the pain, but I'm I suppose to be that girl? dishing out motivation but none to serve myself. Am I not supposed to act tough? Ought to act like one, but feels like I'm losing the battle.
Wanting to be free but no matter how hard I try, the pain follows me like a shadow and I got to realize that I don't have the power but I'll never say never. Life seems like nothing but a short trip where a lot of adventure will be faced. In all circumstances, I will try to pick myself up, I refuse to lose the battle, and I refuse not to fall apart, I want to stand to face the tough minute and then numb myself to not feel the pain as I am destined to.
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This seems to happen to everyone but we just have to brace up and keep looking at the positive side of life. Don't worry, just keep trusting God because I believe strongly He will never leave His own children.