I hit the bed at almost 12:30 am last night. I am rushing against time because I still have two manuscripts to finish before the weekend. I wasn't able to beat my personal deadline so I have to be more proactive this crunch time. I hate this, but I have to. 

As a result, I had difficulty waking up this morning. I feel so heavy and sleepy. But I have to get up, take a shower, do some husband duties, and head to work. Since things will not be handed over to me on a silver platter, I have to work. I have limited options. Hindi tayo mayaman. 

There are times when we don't have the strength to muster our tasks. And it's OK. We are not always at our peak selves. We are not robots who function mindlessly. We are human beings created with limits and capacities. We get tired, we get bored, we get pressured, and sometimes we feel nothing. We just wanted to go with the motions. 

Our culture promotes hustle and grind, and it's a good thing! I even subscribe to the idea because I hate laziness. But life is not just about hustling. Sometimes we need to pause and let ourselves take a breather. 

Just like today, I allow things to go sloooowly. I take time writing this post, processing my thoughts, and allowing little distractions. Good thing my boss is not around so there's little pressure on my part. Though I still do my deliverables for the day, those that are not that urgent I set aside for a while. Busy doesn't always mean productive. And being preoccupied is not always a good thing. 

Working on Slow Mode

For today, I allowed myself to switch on slow mode. Instead of forcing myself to rush with things and compete with time, I tried to prolong the moment. No, I don't mindlessly do my tasks. I just take my time, sipping water from time to time, browsing social media after every task, taking quick breaks and short walks in the office lobby, and allowing a few chats with officemates. 

I don't normally do this but I guess it helps silence the mind and clears out my rushing thoughts. One noticeable thing is, I feel more relaxed and connected with my surroundings. I can tolerate people's interruptions. Lutang, but not in the negative sense of the word. 

I have a former officemate whose calmness I admire even during times when we are all freaking out in the office. She is so soft-spoken, and can still accommodate interruptions despite her packed to-dos. I wonder what's her secret back then. Now I know that she's calm because she is intentional in wanting to be calm. She doesn't want to be bothered by things that stress the people around her. She tries to increase her pettiness threshold so she will not freak out even over small things that used to stress others out.

Discipline of Calmness

Calmness is a discipline that keeps us going when others choose to stop and break down. It helps us see a better perspective. Working on slow mode today made me realize that those who are slow maybe are not really slow and inefficient. Perhaps that's just the way they express themselves, and they function well in that mode. Imagine if all of us are always in a rush, we might be bumping into each other all the time.

In a race between the bunny and the turtle, it pictures a scenario that the race is not always for the fast. Everyone has an opportunity to run the race no matter their pace.