Early this afternoon, I immediately went to bed as soon as I hit home. I feel so exhausted that I no longer have the energy for merienda. I find this weird because I don't think I pushed myself too hard last week. Or did I? I'm not sure. All I know is my mind and body are aching for attention. 

Before I totally drown in dreamland, I managed to set my alarm by 9 pm so I can squeeze in some night routine. No matter how tired I am, as much as possible I spend time in quiet and do some stuff that relaxes my mind - whether reading, writing, journaling, or listening to music. For whatever reason, hitting the computer keys soothes me! So this goes this entry. 

Filling up my calendar

I should say I have a lot on my plate right now, and if not by God's grace I don't know how to manage all of them at once. On top of my work, I am simultaneously working on two writing gigs, accepted a teaching load, and grabbed a copywriting post, para sa ekonomiya. I also have three manuscripts to work on, and a speaking engagement in a matter of days. Now I'm wondering if I made a mistake overcrowding my schedule. 

But this is the beauty of being an adult. There are lots of opportunities that await. If you are not quick to act, and strong-willed to face challenges, these opportunities will pass. Opportunities wait for no one. It's always a choice between "take it" or "leave it".

When I was still younger, though I have all time and energy, I let some opportunities pass because I lack the skills and the maturity to make things work out. And time will come when I am too old to face challenges head-on because I don't have the tenacity anymore. So, strike while the iron is hot! But [note to self] be careful not to get scorched or burned out in the process.

War within me

If there's anything I am afraid of in life, that is to live a life with regrets. I know that time is absolute and it can never be reversed. So I do what I can do now. I don't want to waste time because once lost, it is gone forever. So I just work, I write, I plan, I execute what I have planned. 

But there's a huge catch to this idea. While I say YOLO - You Only Live Once, my body says YAGO - You Also Grow Old. It will always be a battle between wanting to do more and taking life easy. It will always be a choice between pushing yourself too hard and taking care of yourself. 

I believe I share the same sentiments with other young professionals like me. Most of us are driven by something bigger than ourselves. That's why we grind, that's why we fight. We endure sleepless nights and carry around our emotional battle scars daily because we want to seize the prize for our loved ones. It's not always about earning for the NOW, it's not always about achieving something NOW. It's way beyond that. We want to make we repay our parents with more than they deserve. We want to make sure that we give justice to our hard work in school. We want to make sure our future is secured. We are looking forward to our future - that's why we hustle NOW. 

Balancing Act

But at the end of all these, it all boils down to a very practical point we all know about. We should all value balance. We can push ourselves too hard but it will cost us something. It will demand rest at a certain point. However, too much rest will profit us nothing. We will just end up in atrophy. 

While dumping these thoughts in this post, I realized something: God has given us free will to choose what we want to do with our bodies. It is a gift, an entrustment. But how you use it will determine how effectively and efficiently it will function. We take care of something we want to last for a long time.