@Marinov
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Everyone thinks I am unconcerned
***"When an accusation is thrown at you that does not fit you, when it doesn’t capture what you know to be true about yourself or your behavior, mentally flip it back on your partner. He is likely accusing you of what he is doing or feeling. Accusations can be about the narcissist’s own vulnerabilities and weaknesses."*** - Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist The words you receive from someone might not reflect you at all the time. It might be the true reflection of that person who relay you the message. Or maybe sometimes, neither of both. The accuser just wants you to be perfect and so he throws words to make you do so. I was not born perfect and I will never be one. I woke up at 5 AM. Yes, it's early than my usual time of waking up. I just feel like it to wake up that early or perhaps it's because I slept unhappy last night. That's also the reason why I was not unable to publish anything. Yesterday I was okay. I was with my family and spent over my day with them. I also had a quick hang-out with some of my friends.
We had snacks and talked about things that are new for us to catch up with each other's affair. Until I reach home and rest. Evening came and I receive such discouraging words from someone. I will not drop the name but this person is so much close to me. **He said that I looked like I don't care about everyone else's opinion about me wherein fact they just care about my welfare. It seemed like I just disregard the words from the elders and do everything I want. I should have been talking to them, bond with them but then I was just spending my time alone in one room. Locked myself in there and kept sleeping. He also said that I should go out and exercise. And not to act like I don't care.** Actually I'm not shocked about it because this is not the first time I heard this. This has been always the cause of arguments. I don't like being questioned of what I I'm doing. I'm at the right age and I'm still in the right frame of mind. Yes, I won't deny that I'm always in the room, locking myself in there but I am not lazy. Yes, sometimes I may not be able to socialize to people but that doesn't mean I don't like to be with them. There are just days that I just want myself to be alone to have my **"me"** time. Little do they know that I'm not sleeping all the time I was in the room. I answered the modules I was tasked to do so and it's not easy because there are a lot of modules in every course. Every module also has different tasks that are not easy to do. I spent my time in the room just to finish it as soon as I can. The time frame to finish the module is 4 months but then I'm almost done in just a month. And they don't know that because they are not asking. They just conclude based on what they saw on the outside. Should asking be the first thing to do before passing judgment?
Little do they know that not temporarily working does not make me less of a person. I asked for a leave from work because my eyes are not in condition. Since my work is online teaching, I can't avoid not to face the computer. My work doesn't also allow us to have our day offs during weekends since those days are peak hours and we are obliged to work from 9 o'clock in the morning to 10 o'clock in the evening. Imagine how much radiation would I get from that. We couldn't argue since we are center-based, not home-based and we should follow the set standards of the center. Unlike those teachers who have all the equipment and facilities at home that they are the one who control when to work depending on their availability. We don't have that equipment and all to teach online so I settled to being in the center where in they provide all and ready for teaching but then 30% of your salary would go to the center. If you have a salary of 1,000 pesos, 300 of it would be auto-deducted. For me I think this is too much. It's okay if your salary will be deducted once every month but no, it's twice. Our salary is deducted every cut-off and there are two cut-offs in one month. But then that's still fine than not having a job during this hard times. I worked for 6 months there and after, I decided to have a leave just to rest and to prioritize first my health. I would just get back when everything is fine. I miss teaching but then my health is more important. Even though I'm not yet working again, I still earn just being at home. Glad that I met read.cash. Thanks to @Zhyne06 for always giving me a push to join in and encouraged me everytime I feel like this platform is not for me. Though I felt I must give up, I didn't because I am thinking of the future. That I should he financially independent working or not. That I should be able to provide because I am the eldest. Thanks to read.cash Slowly I am able to provide for myself and to my family. And this is one of the reasons why I chose to stay inside my room. I am writing. I am writing to earn, I admit that. But that's not the only reason. I am also writing to communicate and to be understood. People who don't understand what I am after of would think I'm unconcerned of everything. That I only think of my own and it hurts me. That's why before I sleep last night, I let out all the heartaches that have been compiled like a wall. As a result, I feel better. I feel better when I woke up. *As early as I am awake, I decided to have a walk from home to somewhere. As I pass by, rays from the sun touched my skin like patting me, telling me it's fine. The wind also soothes me like hugging me to stop from thinking.*
*The birds, the dogs, and the cats that I saw on my way comforts me like they are smiling sweetly. Consequently, I came back with a happy heart.* They only saw one side me and that's why ... Everyone thinks I'm unconcerned. Thanks for reading, lovelies! I do hope you'll enjoy your Sunday. Be blessed! I'm grateful for my sponsors has been added. Thank you so much, @Macronald . Your trust will not go to waste. ☺️ And to all my sponsors too, thank you very much! Leave a comment and let's talk. 😉
Ciao! ❤️
46 comments
Filing a leave from your work was the best decision ever. You really need to prioritize your health. And as a breadwinner, maka pressure gyud if wala na tay masupport sa ilaha and their understanding supposed to be is what we needed to continue. I hope you will be fine completely maam. Laban lang gyud ta. Kita may kahibaw sa atoang self if nag unsa gyud ta. Always remember that, yesterday that you experienced is just a bad day, not a bad life. ☺️ Always pray to God! He'll help. 💗
Yes, I never regret taking my leave mamsh. ☺️ Bahalag wa say sweldo basta laman okay atong panglawas. To rest doesn't mean to quit. Ana jod ng Pinoy oy bsta maguwang ka tanang taas na expectation naa jod nimo. Pait pero sakto man pod paras pamilya. Laban lang jod. Thank you mamshy! ❤️
Labaaan gyud! Pahuway gamay, padayon dako. Payting! 🤞💜
Dili jud nawa ning mga hilabtanon mem no? Bisan asa guru ka mulugar, naa gihapoy ikaistorya. Pasagdi na la na sila mem uie. Magkunsomisyon ra ka anah.
Arang mem. Maong diri nalang pagawas ang mga konsimisyon para di ta ingnag laig batasan.
Maayo pa mem. Mapuslan pa nuon.😅
Just stop thinking about "what other will think", and you will be happy. 😊
It's just simple right? But then I can't do that. Haha! Kidding, yes sir. I will.
I think the solution here is communication. Yup, people won't know if they don't ask. At the same time, if you don't tell, they won't know either. As you have said, this is not the first time this issue has come up. So, just voice out. There is no point just thinking these thoughts in your mind when you don't confront and have a face-to-face or heart-to-heart talk with the accuser. Yes, writing it out here gives you relief, but it does not solve the underlying problem with the accuser. All the best.
I understand your point, Emily. I am just so hesitant to share my opinion because they might think I'm being rude because I don't follow. But yeah, I will surely communicate. Thanks dear! All the best!
Besides communication, need to look for the right time to broach the subject... don't confront when both are angry. All the best, you can do this.
Very nice post, I really enjoyed reading it. This part here really struck my heart, "The time frame to finish the module is 4 months but then I'm almost done in just a month. And they don't know that because they are not asking." I too have experienced people judging me for things when they don't even ask about what I'm doing or how I am. People pass judgement very quickly instead of finding out the facts. Keep writing, your post was really nice to read and from the heart.
Aweee! Thank you so much, dear. 🥺 Yes some people do that, and I am certain that you handle them accordingly. I will, thanks for dropping your thoughts. Appreciated. ❤️
It's okay mem nga ing Ana ilaha pag tan aw nimu your not obliged to explain all of your feelings and actions towards them anyway, especially to people who doesn't really matter. Ana so Toni G. "Not all issues deserve an answer others deserve your silence" labi na mems ug mga raw nga murag lata nga way sud if u know what I mean (kusog my kagalkal pero way sud) Sometimes all you have to do is distance yourself with toxic people. They don't deserve you.
Mao lge mem. Pasagdan ra naho pero sungot mam lge pod usahay. Haha! Wa ko mag tingog2 maong tanang yangongo ari jod sa article mapagawas. 😁 Thanks kaajo mem sa pag lift up. 🥺
Ohm sagdi Rana sila uyy.. padayun sa imuha life na parang di sila nag exist Your always welcome 🥰
Masarap maglakad sa labas para dagdag rin pambawa ng nararamdaman. Maski rin ako ate pagganyan e, kinauagahan maglalakad-lakad ako. Bgayon bawal pa kasi nasailalim kami ule sa lockdown
Oo nga eh, nakakatanggal ng mag stress at tsaka galit na rin. Ganun ba? Hintay2 nalang tayo matapos ang lockdown.
That's really hurting when people are talking negative things about you that aren't true... But in that case, just don't mind, for as long as you are doing the right thing.
True po. We don't mind them but still it hurts what they said. But then you can't change them for how worse they are so better ignore just as you said. Thanks! All the best!
Sakit lang jud huna hunaon mamsh ba nga dali ra kaayu sila mu judge base sa isa lang ka situation or gamay nga picture. Wala nila gina tan aw ang dahilan sa mga actions. Hays. People nowadays, naa juy ikasulti bisag unsay iingun og buhaton nimo.
Kaajo. Bisan pa talig kinamaajohan kang tao naa gihapoy ikasulti nimo. 🥺
Duhh memsh.. Pranka lang jud noh, di gyud nato obligasyon na pugson nato na dili sila mu.judge. As long as, kahibaw ta's atung kaugalingon, ug kahibaw ta unsay sakto ug dapat buhaton, "We should stand for what we believe".. ☺️ Kay nakahibaw nata, nga bisan unsa pa ta kamaajo or the other, naa jud gihapuy ikapuna ang mga tawo..
Sakto jod ka mem pero usahay sungot man jod pod. Haha! Bisan wa tay pake sa ilang giingon ba unja makit an nato ng tao na naglabot nato, kalami na laman jod idasok. 🤣 Korek mem, this is so nice. "We should stand for what we believe".
Gani memsh.. Kanya² lang gud unta, way but.anay..😅
We should be thanks for this platform coz we can express our feelings to give our soul satisfaction and relief as well.
Precisely! I am very much grateful to have known and joined this platform. I met you, and the rest who support me without judgment.
Prioroty po talaga ang Kalusugan . Tama po ang iyong ginawa ang hirap po ng pinag daanan mo Sis este Ma'am bilang pag galang sa teacher 😊 Tama din po na kahit nasa bahay lang kumikita kapa naman po dahil sa platform na eto.. Balik nalang po ulit sa pag tuturo kapag okay na ang lahat
Okay lang yun, wag na masyadong pormal, dear. 🤗 Yes po, habang nagpapahinga pagbubutihin ko nalang dito sa read cash. Have a good evening, friend! ❤️
Ganon din ako pagbubutihin ko 😊 ako naman hindi makapag hanap nf work, ang hirapd dahil sa pandemic. Ang dami ko ma inapplyan na company . Laking tulong po talaga nito dahil dito ako nakakakuha ng panggastos🥰
No Surrender, always do what is best for YOU
Short but powerful. Thank you always, sir for the motivation. 🥺❤️
Chin up and march on, sis!
I will sis. Who are they anyway? Char! 😁
They have their concerns and you have your reasons. Just smile and keep going :D That's just a start for there will be more. Not in the same way or situation but something similar where everyone will question what you do. Don't give in. Have a thicker skin. It's not easy but pray for strength to overcome.
Thank you always dear for the encouragement. 🥺❤️
Our ‘me’ time is very important. Don’t let other people make you feel guilty or less than because of this or anything else 💙
Hello, miss fantagira. Thanks for reading and dropping a comment. ☺️ Yes, I will do this for sure.
Maybe they are concerned about you too... you can tell them what is the reason why you need to stay inside the room
Yes, I realized I need to communicate too to be understood. 🥺
Yes sis
Stay in the room! The world is so big there are a lot of thief. Mananakawannka hahahaha
Hahaha The world is a big Quiapo bja to. Sige na publish na
Dapat English. The world is a big Quiapo. You will get lost
Unsay english sa mananakawan ka? Hahaha! You will be thiefed. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You will lost your things. You will be thief? Wahaha.