Ladies: How to Find a Good Man

I should begin with a disclaimer, that being that I am certainly not the final authority on what a good man is to every woman. But what I am able to do is speak from my experiences. Now experience isn't always the best teacher, but for me it has been a rather good instructor.

High school years

During my elementary and high school years I was pretty much focused on my studies for the most part. But at one point during high school things changed. Though I was shy, I began to have an attraction to boys. And trust me, these were boys. There are no men in high school.

While I cannot say with all honesty that I had numerous suitors, I did have some boys who came on to me and who I found physically attracted to. Being young and dumb, I finally fell for the old "I love you" line and lost my virginity at 17. That was a lesson I learned right there.

What I soon figured out was that this same guy was a serial user of other girls, both in my school and in the community. He hid his phone from me, was always texting, and I never saw his Facebook. I should have known better than to trust him.

The last I heard was that he was shot dead for cheating. Now I am not saying that was right, but it is a consequence of serial cheating and philandering.

Work

Disgruntled, hurt and shamed, I set out to find my solace in work. I did not seek a relationship and I did not do what some ladies do and look for a woman as a partner. I was brought up with at least some semblance of Christian morality by my Catholic parents.

While I worked as a common maid for low wages, I also studied on my own. I wanted to master English. And what money I earned I sent home to my poor parents in Mindanao.

Meanwhile, I often went hungry because my employers were stingy Koreans who fed us maids scraps. And I'll admit, there were times when I was so darn hungry that I stole bites of food from their ref. Like the boy in high school, I was being used.

Don't look for love

One lesson I learned early on was not to look for love. This often leads to finding the wrong guy and it typically ends after a short relationship. Maybe you've been there with me and felt that same pain, anger and intense frustration.

Love happens. Love is not infatuation because the guy is cuter than the Greek Adonis. There are plenty of those types, and trust me, plenty of women fall into their web of lies. And I found that love wasn't about money or finding some sugar daddy to cater to my every whim. I have "friends" now who are like that.

Love just happens

One day as I was browsing my Facebook I saw where a man had liked one of my images. I didn't think much of it because that's what guys do. Then he did it again and again. Finally he messaged me. Turns out he was a foreigner from the USA. I thought to myself, "Here we go again!"

But that did not turn out to me the case. Over the course of several months we chatted often, sometimes for hours! We got to know one another. Then one day he asked me if I wanted to fly from Davao to Manila and then on to La Union by bus where he lived on the beach. I was reluctant at first but I finally agreed to do it and we hit it off immediately.

Qualities

Now I cannot speak for all women, but the qualities I find in my man are not perfect, but they are certainly admirable. Like me, he is a writer, though he is a consummate professional and works hard. He is highly educated, unlike me.

He is kind, he was there when I gave birth to his son. He helps me cook and clean and run errands. He takes care of me when I am ailing and he is a great father to our young son.

While he is not a sugar daddy, as some seek, he does surprise me with gifts that are perfect, as if he really knows my mind and tastes. And he doesn't drink. He always wants to take me wherever he goes rather than leave me at home as some men like to do to their women.

He can be strict at times, but only because he dedicated our son to the Lord at birth and he disciplines him (though not physically). But he does this out of love. And as for love, it's not all about sex for him. It's about actions rather than mere words. And best of all, he is a devoted Christian man. We've been together now for over three years and I am truly blessed.

Lesson

Don't hurry love. Love will find you one day. Don't fall into the trap of chasing after some sexy looking stud or hooking up with a serial sex maniac. You'll be disappointed every time. Let love happen. It will. Best advice: don't hook up with a drunkard, a womanizer or a lazy man, but rather find a good Christian man.