It all started in 2020, when one Friday while I was getting ready to go out with my friends and my boyfriend, my dad knocks on the door of the room and tells me that he is not going to let me go out, because there was already the first case of COVID-19 in Venezuela and now we all had to quarantine and be aware of the damage we could do to our own family if we didn't take care of ourselves.

María Fernanda died there and another person was born, I had to be born again and it was thanks to that great year, which completely destroyed me, never before had I been as vulnerable as I was that year, but it was the year where I grew the most, and where more I changed.

So not everything was bad, keep reading to tell you this great story about how my 2020 went.

After spending a not so happy December, on March 4, after three months, I got back together with my then ex.

We were very happy, our relationship had had many ups and downs, but for some strange reason, always coming back and being happy together was an option.

After giving us the opportunity, everything seemed to have returned to normal, what we did not know was that a week later, the entire country would be totally immobilized.

Overnight, I had to quit my job at an ice cream parlor, stop going out and follow my routine, not seeing my boyfriend anymore, and living with the constant psychosis that I didn't know what could happen tomorrow, if we it could give covid, if my parents could die, if the world was going to be totally destroyed, it was totally a year that completely destroyed me on a mental level.

I had never experienced something similar, it's that I didn't even think about it, but imagine what it's like to be 20 years old, be unemployed, lose your relationship, and live with the constant fear of death for you or your family?

My routine had totally changed, I had gone from being an active girl who worked daily from Monday to Friday, and on weekends she went out with her boyfriend and friends, ate in the street, went to parties, shared with her family, to spending 24 /7 locked up doing nothing in her house.

I want you to know that at that time, I had no idea what I wanted for my family, I was simply existing in a piece of furniture next to my bed, watching how the hours of the day passed, wanting to live another reality.

The first three months I took better, I was still worried about the change I was going through, but three months later there was nothing to get me out of the anxiety I was going through.

I got up every day at 11am, had breakfast at that time, went back to my room, spent the whole afternoon watching Netflix in bed, then had lunch at 5pm, then showered and had dinner at 7pm and then spent the whole night awake , I fell asleep around 4am-5am.

With what I have just commented, you can imagine how my mental and physical health was due to so many bad habits that I was acquiring.

To that we add that my relationship with my boyfriend was ending, we hardly spoke anymore, since he did go out, and they wouldn't even let me stick my head out the window.

I was so helpless, at that moment all I thought about was him, I couldn't imagine that it was the end of our relationship.

The nights were the most annoying moment of the day, since we were my mind and it was destroying me, I can swear that tears come to my eyes just to tell about that dark moment of my life.

For the first time I experienced a panic attack, as it was so difficult to fall asleep, I had short periods of sleep, so I slept in sections, and in some sections I dreamed of very dark things and one day in a dream where I did not know if it was real or no, I didn't even remember what the dream was, it woke me up, then I started having a crisis because I couldn't sleep.

It was me, tossing and turning in bed trying to sleep, which triggered a huge panic attack episode where I had to walk barefoot out of the room at 3am and breathe out the garden window because I felt like I was getting sick. suffocating.

I cry right now thinking about those moments.

A little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel:

One day, desperate to find a way to overcome that breakup that I had had to have with the person I was in love with at that moment, a person who had been unable to see, touch, or kiss for months, I searched internet a book to overcome a love breakup and that was one of the most important moments in my life.

I was not very confident about whether a book would help me or not, but I was still so desperate to read something that would help me release all that pressure I had in my body, I found a book by an author named Walter Riso, the book It's called "Fall in love with you" and that was the little flash of light I saw at the bottom of that tunnel.

Today he is my favorite psychologist and he has the best books if you want to increase your self-esteem and get over a breakup.

I did not get better overnight, but it was impressive how little by little I was understanding some things in life, I had understood that anxiety was a biological and natural process, that loving yourself first is the best decision, and that working on our health mentally was the best we could do.

It was there that my vocation for psychology was born.

After chatting with several friends and acquaintances virtually, I realized that I was not the only one who had lived through that hell during quarantine.

So I dedicated myself to helping the mental aspect of everyone who told me about their problems and they ended my chat feeling better and wanting to talk to me every time they felt their life was in pieces.

It was there, at that precise moment that I was good at it, that I enjoyed getting people out of their worst thoughts, encouraging them to come out of their holes, telling them that life is beautiful that we just had to know how to appreciate it, that everything changes when we make sense of it.

December came, the virus still existed in the country, but the quarantine had been lifted.

I was no longer the same person, I was totally another person, what meant the most to me was that I had had my healing process alone, I had found a way out alone, I had managed to gather the strength to do it alone, I was so proud of myself.

And not only that, the number of people who thanked me for having listened to them, for having understood them, that made me cry a lot, knowing that I was able to save many people in their worst moments.

It gave me a reason to exist, a reason to fight, if I have to go through hard times and show that if I can get out I will do it, if I have to bear witness to it I will do it, if I can show that with Psychology we can understand what I will do what happens to us, and if you are reading me, this is a sign that your mental health must be worked on, do not abandon it, there is always a way out, do not despair.

I love you very much, try to understand the things that happen, look for a meaning, look for a reason, find it, create it, but don't let your life be seen as a misfortune.

No matter how strong the moment you are in, everything happens to make you grow, to change you.

Your life begins the moment you leave your comfort zone, I promise you that at first it's scary, at first your life gets messy, but always in the end, you will be rewarded.