Just A Cold Breeze of Air Is All I Need.
Pressure is continuously coming. Well, who couldn’t stop things like this, right? I just panicked recently because I thought it also would come to my brother what I felt before. Fortunately, it didn't, and he is now in the final recovery stage. He actually managed to continue his things this morning so no wonder he was back at it again. Overthinking kills people as they say. I didn't want my brother to feel the same way I felt in the hospital before. He shows the same signs as what I felt before so I couldn't help but think and think. I am not blaming my grandfather for what happened, but it is actually the same dish that made my brother have something in her tummy. It was ironic, was not it? Well, it is always us to blame because we are still living in this land. We felt what that means.
After all, all is now well, yet we are traumatized, and thought would never eat the dish again. I actually ignored it every time I see it on the table because I always feel something bad about it and I felt that there is something would happen. And there was, actually. Since I discovered that I am acidic, I lessen or totally ignored the foods that could affect my body because I was the only one who suffer. Suffering from emotional things was already a thing for me but having something pain in my body is everything. I’d rather cry all day because of emotional matters rather than have an aching body.
What timing it was indeed. When my body and mind were down, that was also when my responsibilities were coming. It's been a month since I had the energy to compose my emotions and put them down into words. Even though recent events are stressing me so much, I still find ways to continue. Who are they going to put their insensitive jokes at when I am gone, right? They put me to the realization that it is one of my purposes, to be a receiver of cruel jokes of them. I have a hard feeling for them about these. Since when I was a child, no one, or maybe you can count on your hand the allies who treated me for what I think I deserve but unfortunately, they were also out of the scene eventually. How fun life is, isn’t it?
I would be sorry for my friends for letting them hang in my inbox, but I don't need to, to be honest. Since I experienced the you-know-what last year, I became a less user of messaging applications. It seems that every time I use it, it causes me stress which becomes my reason to just let the unimportant ones be ignored. I feel bad for some people who message me and ask me about the activities while trying times occur, but may they know that today is not the time for it. I learned how to pass and back through it. What I meant by that was, whenever I see something that I know would cause me stress, I will just pass it and go back after I reclaim myself. That is my way of not putting myself under new pressure.
Some confessions like these make me another version of myself every time I open it on this site and with these people. I couldn’t say these to any person because I am afraid of you-know-what-it-is. It seems like the more I grow up, the more I am afraid to take jokes because of the shade it tells me. Once again, I just shared these because it feels heavy again. Thank you for always listening even though there is none actually I am talking with. I always hope for the best for everyone.
Thank you for reading this article.
You can read my previous articles here:
The First Interlude In Our Second Chapter.
How Do You Remember Your Teachers?
Reflecting on Some Lessons That Life Might Want me to Learn.
Things That Shaped my Childhood.
