Hello guys. How are you doing? I hope you're fine. Hope you keep taking care of yourselves.Your all knowing life coach cares about you.
Today, I'll be telling you more about how to live your life because it has come to my notice that most people don't know how to. This is going to be exciting because I know you guys enjoy it when I tell you you're not living right and I gently explain what you should do to you.
1) Coca Cola
Yes. This is the ultimate drink as you know by now. But while I've told you how to use it for child development, I've said nothing about how you can use it to improve yourself. So I'll just get into it because this is done really big secret most people don't know.
When you're sad
Take three bottles of coke over a period of 10 minutes. If you're suffering from clinical depression, then you can totally cure it in three months by taking five bottles of coke every day. I'm sure you guys know where I'm going with this. Yes, you guessed correctly. Coke is the bringer of ultimate happiness and joy in life. It can cure all ranges of sadness. Be careful though because it's been scientifically proven that if you take just the right amount of coke in a day, you would lose the ability to be sad temporarily. Don't question my wisdom guys, just do what I ask and thank me when you get results.
When you want to study or need to make smart decisions
This one must be obvious to you guys now right? The answer is in sprite. Anytime you want to take a quiz, or you have an examination or anything like that, you definitely need to take sprite. Take lots and lots of it. But I know you guys like it when I'm specific, so I'm going to do just that. If you want to perform at 140 iq, then take 5 bottles of sprite the day before, and give the specified day before the test. You don't necessarily have to do it that way as long as you take ten within 48 hours of the test you'll be fine. This is a tried and true method.
So, there's soda rules for every situation in life and if you need advice on anything, you could always ask me.
2 About Alcohol
My view on Alcohol is simple. Suicide is a way better option than alcohol!!! Definitely don't take alcohol. It's bad in every way. Can give you diabetes and a bunch of other problems. Think about it this way. What if someone told you that he could make you mad for a few hours with what he calls "holy elixer", would you take his offer? No!!! Because you're smart people! Now that's exactly what alcohol does to you! I dare you to name one thing that's been done by a mad man that's not been done by an alcoholic. You wouldn't be able to fulfill my dare. We're talking about sleeping in the gutter, mumbling to oneself, acting irrationally, unnecessary violence, Lack of perspective, etc. There's no reason to take alcohol.
When you do take alcohol, I have a cure for all your problems. But alcohol is so bad that the cure may not be feasible. You'll see what I mean. I am going to recommend that you take three bottles of sprite and one bottle of coke to get back to normal. But the problem is that you already drank yourself to stupor, so you'll be too filled for the right drinks. You're almost a lost cause if you're drunk.
How to cure adiction
Once you accept that it's bad, and you want to get over it totally, here's what to do.
Take your ice tray and fill it with an equal mixture of sprite and fanta.
Ice the mixture.
Every time you want to take a beer, or whatever nonsense it is you're addicted to, add six small cubes of the iced mixture and you'll start feeling the need to add more over time. Then you'll do that as you please until you can't get enough of the coca cola. Then you'll get to a level where you now take coca cola and add a little alcohol until you skip the Alcohol completely. Now, in the spirit of being specific I'll tell you this. In the case of chronic addiction, you'll get over it in a month if you never skip the addition of the mixture. Such is the power of the actual holy elixer.
Now, you've learnt some valuable life lessons from me today again. Don't bother thanking me because just like you're grateful for learning, I'm grateful I get the chance to teach you great wisdom that will now be passed to three next generation.
This sweet nectar of the gods that is called coca cola is a great invention and has different variants, and one of these days, I'm going to teach you how to destroy your enemies with coca cola. But before I give you such great powers, I must ensure that you have good hearts so that my knowledge wouldn't be used for evil.
Thanks for always reading and supporting my articles guys. You're awesome!